I am scared my daughter will rely on approval of others for her own self worth.

Rachel - posted on 07/10/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




My daughter always seeks attention and interaction of others. I feel this is leading her to want approval of others. She does not seem to be able to occupy herself or think for herself. Generally she is a really happy outgoing kid who most people seem to give positive comments to but I am scared she will rely on approval of others for her own self worth. What can I do to change her perspective?


[deleted account]

6 is not too young to talk with her about these issues.

A good method to teach her to play on her own is to play with her for about 10 minutes. (I set a timer). Then go away for 10-20 minutes. Tell her you had fun playing, but you need to do things on your own now and you want her to do something on her own too. When the timer goes off again, you will play again. Tell her no interruptions during the "On our Own" time.

When the timer goes off, and you are ready to play again, use that time to talk to her about what she did while you were apart. Ask questions like "What did you spend your time on? Did you have fun? Why did you choose that activity? How do you feel now?" Explain to her that spending time alone helps us figure out what things we like, rather than what others like--both are good, but we need both time alone and time with others to be successful adults. We become more interesting to others when we have interests of our own to talk about and share.

Do this every day.


View replies by

Rachel - posted on 07/11/2013




She is only six and I haven't spoken to her because I feel she is too young. If anyone shows her attention she is literally like a moth to a flame. Today a lady who had been interacting with her at our local pool told me that my daughter wore her out. She was lovely and okay about it but she now realised what I meant when I said she can be over the top. This lady had children of her own and was happy to include my daughter. I had to call my daughter back when she kept hugging the lady. I do play with her myself but can not do it all the time.

Kristi - posted on 07/11/2013




How old is she and what is she doing to get others attention and who are the "others?"

We kind of teach our kids they need other people's approval right from the start, including ours. In reality, they (we all) do. We teach them to behave and share and play well with others. Listen to their teachers, get good grades, etc. Generally, we get positive reinforcement for those behaviors so we continue with similar patterns of behavior. Same philosophy applies to fashion, friends, hairstyles, etc.

What makes you think she can't think for herself? Have you talked to her about your concerns? Teaching, maintaining, enforcing and reinforcing good morals and values will help her make decisions she can feel good about on the inside. That takes time, patience and good examples. Open the lines of communication.

Brandi - posted on 07/10/2013




take her to camp wanoma, its a great place to let out some anger and think for yourselp. they also have an adult program, you seem a little up tight and worried. go for your own good, it will pay off in the long run

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms