I can't find a way to bond with my teenage son

Sarah - posted on 10/21/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My son is 17 and we were close when he was little then he got to age 15 we were close by age 16 not as close now.He won't even spend time with me every time I try to talk to him.He says can we talk about this later.He feels that since he's going to be eighteen next year he doesn't need me but the truth is.He thinks he's mature but I am in the principal office so much discussing his behavior.He's not, every person he is rude to teachers,students,me,my parents.The only person he is not rude to is his dad and girlfriend .How can I change his behavior ?


The - posted on 10/21/2014




1. Pray
2. Get together with your husband and start a weekly family meeting in which EVERYONE IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD is required to attend.
3. If anyone refuses to attend then they need to loose a privilege. A privilege is something that is not SHELTER, FOOD, BASIC CLOTHING, and EDUCATION. If one works then another would be TRANSPORTAION and ITEMS NEEDED FOR WORK.
Everything else is a privilege. This is for everyone in the family not only the children to make a EXAMPLE TO YOUR CHILDREN THAT YOU WILL HOLD YOURSELF TO THE SAME STANDARDS YOU EXPECT OF THEM.
4. Has your son every heard you or your husband speak badly about others, argue amongst yourselves, or speak against - argue - or treat someone in authority badly??? If you have then STOP IT. ONLY SPEAK OF OTHERS WHEN YOU HAVE SOMETHING NICE OR GOOD TO SAY ABOUT THEM. BE A BETTER EXAMPLE.
5. At the first family meeting you need to have a notepad for every one. On each one make a page for each family member with their names on top. This will be so that it is prepared so that each family member can write honestly what they do not like about the other person in what they do or say towards them and others.
On the back side of these pages they are then to write down the things they like about the family member in what they say and do towards them and others. This includes a page on themselves. Put the person's name on the front of the notepad because you may need it for future meetings with other activities as well.
EACH NOTEBOOK WILL BE TAKEN UP AND PUT IN A LOCK BOX AFTER EACH MEETING. NO PEEKING OR LOOKING INTO THE LOCK BOX AND READING EVERYONES NOTEBOOKS. Inform the Children that on the next family meeting you will be sharing with each other the things in the notebooks and are to think of a manner in which to say what it is about what they do not like about someone can be said in a loving manner.
Also how what they like about the other person can be said to show how they value them in their lives. This will give them a week to think about what they wrote down. Having them locked up also insures that no one can go back and change their replies.
6. At the next meeting you need to state ahead of time that no matter what someone says about you that they need to understand it is not to judge each other but to understand how the other person feels about what we say and do. Then each of you take a turn in stating an item on your list of dislikes for the person sitting next to your left. When it comes back around you each are then to say something nice to the person on your right.
Now ask your children how they feel about what the person on their right disliked about them, if they realized that is how they felt and what each of you can do to make things better. Then ask them to tell how they felt about the person on their left said that they like about them and to have them thank the other person for the compliment. Now do the same process in the opposite directions. Then across from you. this way no one person is constantly ganging up on another and shows that we all have feelings and the best thing to do is discuss them without getting upset and resolve them with the person we have issues with. Also that it is best to also remember to thank someone for compliments.
7. Now the next meeting is time to discuss Responsibilities:
a. You and your husband are responsible to provide for you children's needs which are: Shelter, Food, Clothing (not expensive name brand but good quaility), Education. Anything above that is not a NEED.
b. Your children have to be responsible for their area of SHELTER, their CLOTHING, eatting meals provided, gaining the EDUCATION to prepare them for their future. Any chores that are not part of this is up for allowances to teach them the value of earning money. They can use that money to save for the expensive things they want. STOP BUYING THEM EVERYTHING THEY WANT!!! MAKE THEM LEARN TO EARN IT!!!!
c. Make it a rule that there will be no disrespecting each other with foul language or violence. If anyone does so they are to put a quarter in a special locked money bank for a foul word. For a act of violence they are to loose a privilege. The privilege to be taken away is one that is used most often by the person until they can honestly ask forgiveness for their action without excuses.
d. When there is an act of bad behavior and a child is old enough have them write down what they did and why they did it. Then have them write how they could have handled the situation better. You can hand out a page with the action that was commited with the child's name on top for them to complete after the family meetings until completed. This way you can stop nagging them about the little things and concentrate on the big things.
e. Make a list of rules and boundaries for each person in the family. Majority of these should be the same such as language use towards one another, only saying good things about others, resolving differences in a calm manner etc.

This is just a few ideas.
It is best to start a weekly family meeting time when it is just you and your husband to be able to be ready long before you have a child in your lives.
A child growing up in a family meeting time environment of 1 hour a week on a set day is well worth it.

Remember to also Pray and God bless all of you with the will that He has for each of your lives.

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