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I can't get my 3 and 11/12 year old to go poo poo on the potty. He goes pee pee just fine. Help

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Sarah - posted on 09/23/2009

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I am a grandma. I went thru this with younger siblings (I am oldest of 7), my own kids, and my grandkids... i have one word for you RELAX!!
1. boys are much slower with this than girls.
2. kids see your anxiety over it and use it as a power thing. they have no 'power' over anything in their lives... EXCEPT this!!!
3. ignore it. I PROMISE you, he will not graduate from high school in diapers. If you can back up and make it unimportant TO YOU... you will be ahead of the game.
4 While ignoring his reluctance, be kind about changing him. THEN.... when he wants to do something 'big boy', something new... calmly tell him, 'yes you can.... someday... only big boys can do that. when you dont wear diapers any more, then you will be big enough' trick is... be off hand and calm... unconcerned.

Nichola - posted on 09/29/2009

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I know this sounds strange ...... (something from nursing - I tried it after c/section and helped me poop! - I didn't need the straw and water though, I just blew/deep breath out) whilst you child is sitting on the toilet, give them a straw in a cup of water to blow bubbles - the internal pressure this creates helps the poop descend and then hopefully make nature do its thing or a good distraction anyway!!!

Carmen - posted on 10/19/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

Okay my son would only use the adult toilet; I think he liked to flush and watch it go down. I don't know if this will help but he refused to use a potty.


 

[deleted account]

All 3 of my kids were potty trained by the time they were 2 years old. What I did was set out the potty in a place they went by all the time, like the hallway from their bedroom ,so when they saw it, they would think of it more often and go, Then I got one of the seats that went onto the big pot in the bathroom. I also asked them every 15 to 30 minutes . And each time they did something , I would make a great big deal, by clapping & telling them how proud I was. Plus a 8oz. glass of real fruit juice a day helped a big deal. Because it is a natural laxative. Hope it helps. Rose

Carroll - posted on 09/25/2009

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We had this problem also. Found that the less I worried the better things got. It was a power struggle for us. The "trick" was a Magnet-doodle. Sitting on the toilet, feet supported, and playing with the toy, it just happened one day and never another problem. Keep in mind that all kids learn to do this and your son will too, in his own time.

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Angela - posted on 10/21/2009

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Hello ladies, I wanted to say that what helped me with all 3 of mine were, they would go to the bathroom with me every time I went so it was never a big deal they sat on their little potty, I would sing different little songs with them so it was never an issue. If they feel that it is normal, and know that is just what you do there isnt another option sometimes that helps. Good luck!!

Carmen - posted on 10/19/2009

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My 3 year old son prefers this as well, and me, since i dont have to clean his potty which is great.

[deleted account]

My gut at 4 TOLD us that he would not poop in the potty because he did not want tot go to pre-school. We cancelled pre-school for him and waited. No success. He did not want to go to any type of school. We ended up asking his older sister's kingergarden teacher to tell him he could come to her class un-trained. But it was my husbands giving him Saturday morning un-pressured in Transformer underwear that made him WANT to train. Is there anything your little guy is avoiding by not doing this?

Helen - posted on 10/18/2009

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i tried the reward system & it worked fine. with my grand daughter she is 3 i tried stickers & stamps she likes those kind of things so my advise is find out what he likes then use it to help ur task of joy lol

Kim - posted on 10/02/2009

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I think I'm interpreting your child's age correctly (3 years and 11 months), my son was around 3 years and 5 months and an elderly friend told him she would take him to Toy r' us and let him pick out a toy if he'd go poop on the potty and he didn't hesitate! We went shopping right away and he never looked back.

Michele - posted on 10/01/2009

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Boys are bad about that, lol. I potty trained both girls with ease (and M & M's); one right at 2 years old, the other an amazing 15 months. (The later wanted to be like older sister, so that's why so young). My son, however, was over 3 years old. He too would pee in the potty just fine, but refused to poop in it. I tried several different rewards, I tried scolding him because he knew he wasn't suppose to go in his diaper, but he would. He would go hide behind our big lounge chair and poop because he didn't want me to know he was doing it, because he was old enough to understand I didn't want him to anymore. Finally, I just bought him big boy underware and sternly told him he was to use the potty because he was a big boy and knew better or he was going to be punished from then on out. I know the experts say not to do that, but after trying everything else, I did. I felt he understood and was deliberately defying being trained, so that was a last resort. It worked.

Bambi - posted on 10/01/2009

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I'm also having issues with my 22 month old grand-daughter. I had ithem with my now 18 year old, but it worked out OK.

Sarah - posted on 09/30/2009

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I got mine to go on the potty by letting him run naked for 2 days. It was my last resort but it worked. There was no where for his poo to go, so, he had to figure out what to do, when he had to go, I coxed him a bit by telling him to use the toilet but made it his desicion when he was going to use the choices he was given. Hold it or use the toilet. (the floor was NOT an option.)

Lena - posted on 09/30/2009

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A you saying 3 years and 11 months I hope so ...... A 4 year old not going to the bathroom is bad but 11 that is just wrong in soooooo many different ways... good luck to you . For the 4 year old try rewards it worked for my grand

Deanna - posted on 09/30/2009

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candy, my kids were so candy motivated that they'd do anything to get some, even poo.

Tricia - posted on 09/30/2009

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If all the rewards and things that everyone else has offered doesn't work then, your son might have encopresis, I am not sure how to spell it but basically he is constipated. My son was like that all his life and finally found out when he was 6 he is now nine. You should try to up his fiber intake and put him on the potty often. There is this stuff called Miralax and you put in his drink, he will never know it is there... It is a powder in a purple and white bottle. We still have to tell our son every night to go poop. It is getting better but no more in his pants. Dr. Phil had a show on this subject a while ago. I think you can still view it on his website. The lady on there had 12 and 13 year olds that still pooped in their pants... Just another alternative if nothing else is working....

Eunice - posted on 09/30/2009

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i would worry about the poo. i relize that it is not a good thing to clean it up. however, little boy are like guys sometimes, they feel there boo is a sercurity for them.

my little boy liked the corners and behind funiture. for about two months, every day i had to play a game. find the poo.

Izette - posted on 09/30/2009

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Just be patient with this one. My little girl did the exact same, and so did a friend of mine's little boy. Just keep telling him every time u have to put that nappy on that big kids do it on the potty or loo, and keep encouraging him. They say it's very traumatic for kids so we have to try and see it from their point of view.

One day he'll just surprise you.

Sheryn - posted on 09/29/2009

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I recently went to a seminar that had a child psyhologist speaking and this was a question that came up and apparently is very common in young children, so don't worry. His suggestion was you name the feeling in the tummy of wanting to poo, he used Mr Shankey as an example and then tell your child that Mr Shankey is desperate to get out and go for a swim in the toilet cos it's so much fun and then Mr Shankey wants to get flushed down the loo so he can go swimming with all his friends in the ocean. I can't say personally that I've tried this but my youngest has just turned 2 so if I have any problems I will definitely give this a go. Best of luck. Sheryn

Kim - posted on 09/29/2009

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maybe try praising each of the adults in your household,( when you go) so if he sees that of you & your spouse he will want the praise as well.

Kirsty - posted on 09/29/2009

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I have exactly the same issue with my youngest who is 4yrs in Nov. He has two older brothers and I cannot understand why he doesn't 'get'it. Instead we have little 'skids' in his undies. - getting really sick of cleaning them!!! Hopefully I will find some answers above...

Sue - posted on 09/29/2009

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When my son was potty training, I got a big jar and filled it with little toys from the dollar store (stuff like plastic bugs and animals). Every time he went to the potty he got to pick something from the potty jar (as we called it). If he went poo-poo then he got two picks. I figured this was probably healthier than candies as a bribe.

[deleted account]

Sticker chart and rewards should work. Most children are really scared of it or if it hurts (once because of constipation) that is attributed to the toilet. This is what happened to my oldest and the reward chart worked. My other son is the same age and won't either. Mine just doesn't get the sit a poo thing I think. I am not worried yet although it is annoying. He wears diapers at nap and bedtime so he poos right after and won't take the diaper off til he does. It'll come with time and encouragement.

It is amazing how much fun and encouraging a trip to the dollar tree is as a reward and is only a dollar.

Roberta - posted on 09/29/2009

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When my boys were little and potty training I made a sticker chart that I hung in the bathroom. I had a box of stickers and every time they used the toilet they got to put a sticker on the chart. It honestly didn't take long for success.

Christine - posted on 09/29/2009

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I went to the dollar store with my daughter and told her to pick out things she would really want. She got candy and little toys etc.. When we got home i told her to put them all in the a shoe box that we marked with poo poo treats. I told her that anytime she went poo poo on the potty she could pick from the box. but only if she went poo poo. It worked! My doctor actually gave me the idea.

Jennifer - posted on 09/29/2009

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That is so cute, and is exactly what i told my daughter, Lilah (3yrs). I said that the mommy and daddy poop is waiting for their babies and she said, what are their names...? ha-ha, I don't mean to laugh but all I could think of was Mr. Henke the christmas poop from Southpark! It doesn't work all of the time but I am now focusing on the positive aspects such as when she goes pee pee on the potty rather than getting anry when she poops in her pants. Her day care teacher said she'll get there so now I've accepted it's just a waiting game.

Roxann - posted on 09/29/2009

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my son was almost 5 when I got him to stop pooping his pants.. what I did was took him to the store and let him pick out his faverite charactor "big boy underwear" then I told him that if he pooped in them we had to throw them away. we only went through 2 pair and he was very upset having to throw them in the trash himself.

Brandi - posted on 09/28/2009

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patience is the #1 key,give rewards,verbal praises,sticker charts..these thing seem to be helping me with my almost 3 yr old.i hope it helps.good luck

Aleph - posted on 09/28/2009

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I read somewhereyears ago ) that when it comes to #2 in a potty it scares children they feel like they are losing a body part. My daughter was potty trained at 11 months and my son at 14 months. They were taken everytime I went (usually I made a few more trips during the day then normal but it worked). Whenever they made #2 it was like a party..(alot of clap, singing and praise!!!) Also they seemed to enjoy dumping it into the BIG potty (with help of course) with more clapping, singing and praise!!!

Sue - posted on 09/28/2009

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When my son was potty training, I got a big jar and filled it with little toys from the dollar store (stuff like plastic bugs and animals). Every time he went to the potty he got to pick something from the potty jar (as we called it). If he went poo-poo then he got two picks. I figured this was probably healthier than candies as a bribe.

Glenda - posted on 09/28/2009

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I even took my son to the doctor because he was not poo poo trained and his stools were very loose (Such fun to clean up!) But please don't worry about him or your skills as a Mom. As soon as he decided that he was uncomfortable with it, he was completely trained in 2 days! Just keep taqlking to him about the fact that it isn't very comfy to have all that mess in his pants while he is trying to play...........

Tisha - posted on 09/28/2009

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I have the exact same problem with mine.... He'll be 3 in October. He'll potty just fine but always poos in his pants.... People say that they're afraid sometimes to see poo in the toilet, but I can't figure it out. Help !! I've tried everything. I guess when he's ready, he's ready.

Rachel - posted on 09/28/2009

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most people have quoted to use rewards...etc...but so far no one has said to explain it! my son had the same problem...10years ago and since i have spoken to alot of mums in the same boat...what i discovered is the child is SCARED! they dont understand what it (poo) is or why it comes out and (this is really important) that everyone does it! seriously have any of you children actually SEEN that you do it to? as gross as it may sound as soon as my son saw that mum and dad did it too all was good (completely embarrassing moment as an adult complete relief for a child!) also we explained (as best you can to a 3yr old) that it was the bodies waste product (what goes in must come out) etc and made little jokes about size/shape/smell etc it became a taboo explained! good luck and my fav saying of all the mums which i completely agree is....relax... they dont go to high school wearing a pull up!

Camilla - posted on 09/28/2009

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Try to talk to him first and let him understand that it's fun to "poo poo in the potty". My son took a little all to poo poo, but what i did was i let him with underwear and i waited until the time that he wanted to poo poo. The kids have a "special place" to do pee pee or poo poo, my son he used to go on the side of the couch and get very quiet and i knew that he was about to poo poo, so when he was about to poo poo, i immediately put him to sit at the potty and tell him that the potty it's the right place to poo poo, and every time that he poo poo or pee i give him a sticker, wich made him want to go every time to the potty.

Camilla - posted on 09/28/2009

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Quoting Anjanette:

I can't get my 3 and 11/12 year old to go poo poo on the potty. He goes pee pee just fine. Help



Hello, i have a 2 and a half years old boy, and i started to potty training him a couple months ago, Boy are difficult to training than girls, but you need to have patience. I started to buy a lots of underwear and told him that it was a "big boy" pants. I keep him all day with underwear and i gave a lots of liquids(juices, water) the whole day. You have to watch when he start to hold himself or when he start to pee on his pants you have to run to the toilette and put him to finish to pee there.You need to talk to him that now it's time to use the toilette cause it's a big boy potty, this will make him more confident. It took a week for my son start to use the toilette by himself, now he just let me know whenever he have to use the potty and he goes by himself, i also after a couple weeks of potty training, i tried to let him sleep at night with no diapers, he had a couples accidents, but now he doesn't use diapers anymore.  Let me know if you have any questions!!

Ashley - posted on 09/28/2009

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She wanted a diaper at night too and we stopped giving it to her. So the reason I made her sit on the potty for a couple hours was because the night before she refused to go to bed because of no diaper and she said she had to poop. Well she ended up gettin so constipated she feel asleep while I was trying to help her get it out. And it made me so nervous that I stuck to my plan. I would not have cared if it took 12hrs of her sitting there I would have made it. It killed me to see her in so much pain and exhaustion that it was the end of poopin in diapers for me. I would suggest not giving him a diaper at night and let him stayed up an hour or so later because he will have to go so bad he won't have the opportunity to go in a diaper. The brib thing doesn't work for some children, it never worked for her so that was out the door a long time ago. He reminds me of my daughter, just stubborn and kinda scared of not knowing whats going to happen. So just try to be stubborn back and stand your ground. Its really hard and exhausting even to the parents but just don't give him the opportunity to use a diaper. If he still sleeps in a toddler bed put him to bed w no diaper. He might pee but if he has to poop he is more than likely to wake up and if he has an accident it's just plastic it'll clean up easily off the toddler bed. As poopin on the floor, when we were potty training my 2 year old he would only pee on the kitchen floor, we made him clean in up himself, after about 3x of doing that he didn't like it and went straight to the potty. I know it sounds gross having them clean it but it worked for our 2 year old and he is a boy and they say different methods work for different sexes so just another suggestion. Thank you for the Good luck and the same to you!

[deleted account]

This is funny. We are in the exact same place. Our son will be 4 in Nov and he is pee trained 100%. Even wakes up in the mornings dry, but he will NOT poop in the potty. He has once about 2 weeks ago but it was only a tiny bit and won't since then. That was after we made him sit there for nearly an hour!

We have tried everything..every brib, every chart, every suggestion, took away all diapers (he just poops on the floor and doesn't care)...he just won't and will wait for a diaper at bedtime to poop and gets horrible rashes from it! We are at our end of knowing what to do. I have tried everything everyone has posted on here and nothin..UGH!

Hope you have better luck!

Ashley - posted on 09/28/2009

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My daughter just turned 4 in July and we had the hardest time gettin her to go number 2 on the potty. We just accomplished it this past week. I know she should have gone sooner but she is our first and we were confused and didn't know what to do. So one day I put her on the potty and said "That's enough. You are a big girl." So she sat up there and screamed for hours. I went in and out of the bathroom, trying to calm her down, read to her, give her something to drink but she was not allowed off of the potty until she went. So finally after about 2hrs she went and we made a huge deal about it and she got her favorite dinner, 3 books read to her that night and she got a present the next day. But we let her know that now she went once she has to go on the potty all the time. She has not had one accident and then herself decided since she was a big girl she didn't want a pull up to go to bed anymore either. We have not had once accident. She is doing very well and now her brother is following right behind her. I don't know if this helps at all but I feel like it seemed mean to keep her up there but it was worth it and for her own good in the end.

Cindy - posted on 09/28/2009

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118 posts, not counting mine. I don't see anyone having a negivite outcome for the 4 year olds not using a potty.

Do these Kids not have any responsibilties?

Surely a four year old can be told to KEEP HIS UNDIES DRY?

I don't see that here. I see a pee pad on furniture. I see just wait, he'll clue in.

I see a whole GENERATION of frustrated parents.

For Goodness sake Ladies. Give your 4 year olds a JOB and make them responsible for it. Potty training is as easy as picking up toys before bed time.

Put them in their undies and tell them to keep them dry. If Jr. Has a "hard time" with this, then "Spike" is Milk, juice, and dinner with Fibersure. Then you keep his/her butt with in 5 feet of you for a whole day. When their "attitude" changes rush to the potty. Big hugs and praise if the deed is done.



It's not rocket science. It's trained behaviours People. And your BABY's got you trained.

Tracey - posted on 09/28/2009

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my guy just isnt consistent-it worked to bribe him with treats for a little while-will go most of the time at daycare but at home wont-someone else suggested miralax for the pooping part but how do i kepp his interest in going consistently all the time?

Julie - posted on 09/28/2009

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We used flash cards and the potty book. When my oldest son was 2, he did not want to wait long enough to poo poo. I sat him down on the big potty and showed him flash cards to take his mind off of it. We also read a potty book for boys.

Cheryl - posted on 09/28/2009

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sometimes bribery works. you will not go outside until you go pee,or whatever he really likes to do. if these dont work his favorite food use as a reward.. make him sit on the potty until he goes.

Lavi - posted on 09/28/2009

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My son will be 3 in January and has the same problem. I was told that it just takes time, but to not pressure him. He goes pp just fine, but wont poo. Just be patient I guess. Good luck!

Angie - posted on 09/28/2009

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With my first 2 children, I did not have a bit of problem with this. I had always heard that a lot of children do have this problem. My third child, who is stubborn as ever, had this problem. She potty trained early at 2 1/2 but would not poop on the potty. She would ask for a pull up. I just let her do it and really was patient with her. No tricks. Just one day, she went in and pooped on the potty. It only took about 3 months. It was on her time. I have a friend who made up a big story about his poop and that worked for her. Good luck!

Janet - posted on 09/28/2009

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Wow , that brings back memories !

It's normal .......Eventually they will do it . You could take " him or her " in with you & show them what you are doing ...........they will go on their own ....don't worry.......and just be patent . Praise them when he or she does go !

My son will be 16 soon ........." God if I can get him to clean up his room ".......LOL



Janet Cross

Columbus, Ohio

User - posted on 09/28/2009

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I had that same problem with my now 26 year old when he was being potty trained. His pediatrician recommended that we give him mineral oil (it's been a while, so I don't remember the dosage - pharmacist or doctor can advise). It worked! My son would hold his bowel movements until he would constipate himself, waiting until you put a diaper on him. A little mineral oil made him unable to hold his bowel movements.

[deleted account]

UH! i know how frustrating and expensive it's getting because my son, also 3 1/2, is so stubborn. he'll go pee and poo in the potty one time and then he doesn't the next. he'll go one day going to the potty all day and then the next he'll pretend like he doesn't know what a potty is. i'll put big boy undies on him after he pees in the potty and then he'll pee in the underwear!!! AHHHH! he does have an alost 1 year old sister though, so i THINK? jealously may have a play in it? will the day EVER come!? good luck to you!

[deleted account]

We had a similar problem. We took a calendar and turned it into a game board. We cut out a picture of his face as the game piece and wrote encouaging saying on various days. Every time he put a poo in the pot, he got to move his face 1 space. Soon he learned that if he put more than 1 in a day he would get to a reward faster. The "rewards" were scattered along the calendar about every 3-4 spaces. They included having his favorite meal for dinner, staying up an extra 15 minutes, getting a new book, extra big hugs, High 5s, occasionally a piece of candy. Once he won the game, we never had an issue again.

Debbie - posted on 09/28/2009

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I am currently going through the exact same problem with my 3 yr old, he had only just started to go to toilet for wee's a couple or so weeks ago and is now going through the fear of doing a poo on the toilet. I dont know why and what it is that really freaks them out and he wont poo in his nappy either. It got to the point that he was holding onto his poo's, so I ended up having to get him liquid laxative for children, slow releasing, softens the stool and he will have no choice but to go the toilet and yes I still got the fear, the crying, the panic and all that, but as soon as it came out he was very happy, very relieved and realised he didnt need to be so freaked out!! And of course I praised him immensely for it, no special treats, no lollies, none of that, just good praise, lots of claps and yahoooo's. Oh dont get me wrong he still has his moments, a bit of crizzingly and uncertainty but he will get passed it, they always do, its just part of potting training. Stick it out, the bonus is it doesnt last! Good luck!!

Zanthia - posted on 09/27/2009

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Sometimes you just have to be patient with him. My middle son did the same thing. No matter how hard i tried to get him to potty train on my time he would not. He would never use a potty chair. One day i was washing dishes and he came to me and said i gotta pee pee and i took him to the potty chair he said no took me by the hand and led me to the bathroom and he pee pee'd in the toilet and has been peeing in the toilet ever since. I felt that since he pee'd in the toilet that he would also poo poo in the potty but I found out that he wasn't ready for that so i left him alone but i would still say tell mommy if you need to boo boo (that's what i called it). So one day when he was ready he came to me and said gotta boo boo mommy gotta boo boo. He took me by my hand led me to the bathroom and boo boo'd in the toilet. So basically he trained himself but only when he was ready and this may be the case for your son. Just keep remindin him and when he's good and ready he will let you know. i know it seems that because he is 3 he should be but every child is diferent and unique in his/ her own way. I told you this to encourage you and i hope that it did!

[deleted account]

Good luck and much patience to you! We used the buddy system. My girlfriends and I would give each other a break by keeping one another's kids (play dates). During the play dates our 2-3 year olds would use the buddy system with their pal and they'd both go to the bathroom followed by washing their hands.

It took a while before they would go alone, but there were no problems when we were out and about. (Now every time we sit down at a restaurant I hear - "Mom, I need to go to the bathroom." :) I'm just happy she figured it out.

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