I don't think my husband loves me any more. Help!

Mary - posted on 09/08/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I'm not sure where to turn at this point so I just googled something and found this site. I just really need to get this off my chest and I have not discussed this with anyone and could really use some advice or encouraging words. I have been married for a little over a year now. Prior to that I was a single mom. I have two girls, 11 and 6. My husband was actually my high school sweet heart. We were engaged right out of high school but I broke it off because I wasn't ready to be married so young. We went our separate ways, he went off to the navy and I went to school. Long story short he has waited 12 years for me. I have known him more than half of my life. We reconnected in 2009. He then got stationed in California and I was still living on the east coast. We got married last June after he came home from deployment and I then moved me and my kids across the country. Thinking this would be the most blissful marriage as he has been in love with me for years and I finally loved him the same it has been far from that.

He is very stern with my kids and most of the time he acts like they are such a bother. I have two GREAT kids, I'm not saying that because I am their mom but they really are good kids. My oldest does excellent academically and loves sports. She has a little pre-teen attitude but nothing out of the ordinary. My youngest is the sweetest, most affectionate thing. He rides their butts all the time like they are soldiers in his boot camp. Like they can't do anything right. He loves them but it's like he has no idea how to show them love. He would do anything for them, and for me, but he is just so negative and harsh.

As far as our relationship goes, I feel like now that he has gotten me, he has just given up. Like he doesn't really love me anymore. He hardly ever wants to have sex, we have sex maybe 4-5 times a month...and we are NEWLY WEDS! I feel so unattractive. There is no affection or romance. Before we got married he would send me flowers and send me the sweetest emails. He would put effort into me. Now, there is no effort. No flowers. No spontaneity. No romance. And there would be no date nights if it weren't for me finding a sitter and a taking him out. He never does anything with me and the kids. Every weekend me and the kids go to the beach, the mall, the movies, or church and he never goes with us. He never has any desire or interest to be with us. He would rather sit home by himself. Last weekend I asked him to go to the movies with us and you would have thought I was making him go to the dentist to get his teeth pulled. He went anyway.

He does make me laugh and we do have fun together, as if we are good friends. Otherwise, It's like I am living with a roommate that I occasionally have sex with. I don't know what to do. On top of all this, I work full time as a registered nurse, do everything for the kids, and am back in school full time trying to complete my Bachelors of Science in nursing. It's like he doesn't even notice me at all. I cry and am sad more than I laugh. I know it's too soon to throw in the towel on my marriage so I need help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Kristin - posted on 09/08/2012




U need to get off this board and talk to your husband. u need to b open and honest and tell him everything that u just wrote. u two need to figure this out as husband and wife. be honest with him and tell him how u r feeling

Camilla - posted on 12/09/2012




Oh this is so hard, I'm going through the same thing. The thing is I'm 26 and I've been together with my fiancé for 8 years. I felt for the last 6 that he had not been wanting to do anything with me. Recently we had a baby and things just got worse. My pregnancy was horrible, he called me names and didnt spend any time with me. Every time we go out, I arrange for it, he never ever ever does. He actually started arguing with me that all I ever want to do is to go out and eat with him or go to the movies. And when he comes home from work he has no time to himself because I start talking to him and I want his attention. So idk I guess I just won't talk to him anymore unless he starts talking to me first? I've talked to him about this so many times, and he just says he's sorry. He's mean and rude and says its because I don't clean the house, which is true, I clean the basics like floor, laundry and dishes, but we have so much junk in the house and he wants me to get rid of it all. So because I don't clean his junk I'm worthless. And it feels like I'm living with a roommate , I have undesirable sex with him because he's mean, and he'll be nice 2 mins before he says "let's do it" I hate that. Talking doesnt help, it never did. I regret not leaving years ago. But I don't regret my daughter, she's only 4 months. I'm still thinking about moving, being a single mom, I think I'd rather that than live with him. But I'm on disability and he works, and he said that if I leave he will report that he's been living with me for the last few years while I was on disability so the government will take it away from me. Uh.... I don't know what to do.


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I have been married for almost 17 years now.. It seems like a couple years ago.. we have been married.. i have 6 children with him and sometimes it gets to where I may cry thinking the love all desenerated away.. But as time goes on.. Sooner or later.. something..like a memory is brought up and we rekindle what is there. I notice sometimes.. if he is upset about something or worried about something.. he dont seem to connect.. If you know what I mean..

Look you two have been high school sweethearts.. You may not do the deed all the time and you may not do everything together.. all the time.. even though you wish you did..

I would have to say..look at it this way.. yes, things may seem down in the dumps and sounds like something is wrong with him.. Have you spoke to him asking what is wrong? Maybe he needs some attention from you of you know.. letting him know you are there for him.. maybe he is sad that you and him don;t have children together. If this guy waited all these years for you.. there is love there..even though it may not show sometimes. You two didn;t marry right off the bat and went separate ways..

If he is being stern with your children..even though they are good children.. he is trying to keep them on their feet to the best way he knows how. If he didn't love you.. he would not have ever accepted your children at all. I know a girl whom had 2 kids and this guy really liked her and when he found out that she had 2 kids ..he had to split.. If her really liked her or loved her.. he wouldnt have left..

It to me sounds like this guy is upset about something or something is weighing him down.. I think you need to sit down and talk to him and ask what is going on and tell him how you feel and get it out in open.. Let him know how you feel and that you feel that he don't love you anymore because things are the same.. or the way you wish to be..

I think if he didn;t love you at all. he wouldn't have waited all those years for you and he wouldn;t have ever accepted your children.. I think he has something on his mind that he isn;t telling.. something weighing him down that is causing reactions like his.. we all get this way sometimes. But he was in the navy.. and he may have seened something noone wishes to see or encounter. Talk it through and see if you can work it out and dont hold back on the feelings..If you don;t ..it could be too late. If you both love each other.. you will understand each others feelings and you can tell if something is wrong with one another.. When two are soul mates.. they can sense these thing.. the longer you let go and not speak your feelings.. the harder it is to get back.

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