I don't understand my child

NANCY - posted on 12/08/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




Carlo, my only child of 7 years has been having problems with comprehension at home or in school. He doesn't get a simple instruction given once, you have to repeat it trice. At school he copes with simple questions but when it requires his understanding and deciphering skills we're in trouble--like word problems. He also doesn't seem to understand when something is explained to him like why it rains or simply why a baby is crying. He has seen a developmental doctor and placed him under therapy OT for she said he showed signs of adhd. That was 3 years ago. I stopped his therapy and tried working with him on my own and mainstreaming him with other kids. In school teachers keep on telling me that he's doing well but deep inside I know there is something wrong. He cannot hold a normal conversation even with us his parents because he cannot stick to the topic long enough before he says some out of context idea. He plays now with other kids but does not seem to understand the rules of a game or what they are doing. He spaces out a lot too as I observe.

But though he is academically challenged he has a gift. He is an excellent piano player. He reads notes and understands it like no other. Even when he was younger, he loved humming tunes and beats. He listens to music a lot.

Me and my husband are both academically fulfilled. We topped our class in all levels. I guest this is why, I cannot accept this fact. I know it's not my child's fault. I am committed to this boy so is his dad. How can I help him though and myself in the process? I don't want him to be left behind. I don't want to see a doctor anymore, I fear what they're going to say.


Ev - posted on 12/08/2014




I have to agree with Shawnn and the other lady. This child sounds like to me, and do not take it as a diagnosis, similar to my son. He was thought to have ADHD or ADD and even put on meds that never worked. He was placed in resource classes. Now that does sound like what you are describing in your son with the comprehension of the lessons he gets in school. This can help him to learn how to do that. They also will assign him someone to work with him directly. This does not mean your son is not intelligent by any means. It means he has to have some extra help. Also it would not hurt to have him checked for learning delays or disabilities. I had a cousin who was a senior before the school would finally help her parents get her tested for dyslexia. It was very late by then for her. My son has had resources since the first grade. He struggled a lot and brought home some low grades over the years but he did the work, he just did not understand it or get as quickly as others. He has someone read his tests to him so he could understand it better. He did go outside of class in the beginning for a few hours a day and over the years it lessened. He even was in an inclusive classroom under the guidance of a psychologist office through the school with a few other kids for one semester so they could work on his social behaviors and a few others. It did not some wonders. Right after that he was diagnosed with a form of Autism. I won't bore you with details but he was considered high functioning and even now some of the family is still not sure he ever was that. But all these things put together was quite a lot to handle. I took it good because I was already working in the special needs field with children and knew how things were handled. But by working with school, teachers, and the doctors etc, my son is now almost 18 and is going to graduate high school with a 3.o plus grade average. He is wanting to become a mechanic. So it is possible to go to the doctors and get sent in the right direction to get the help your child needs. I am not saying your child has autism or a delay or disability but he should be tested for things to make sure that is not the case. If you do not do something now, he is going to suffer in the future for it. He is not you or your husband as its been pointed out and it sounds like you are in denial about him and his abilities. No person is the same as another. Just because you guys got it and had great success easily does not mean the next person will. He is a child not a mini adult.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/08/2014




Why did you stop therapy and mainstream him? Did you have his therapist's recommendation to do so?

I'd say that you may need to understand that your child is different from either you or hubby...and has different learning needs that you need to address. By saying that you don't want to see a doctor anymore because you are afraid of what they'll say...that tells me that you are afraid that your child will not hit the same intellectual marks that you and your husband have...and if that's the case, you'd better readjust your thinking now.

If you DO have a special needs child, you aren't doing that child any favours by ignoring signs and symptoms and not having a diagnosis.

Sarah - posted on 12/08/2014




While you may fear a diagnosis, knowing exactly what the cause of your child's difficulty is may bring you a lot of peace of mind as well as an effective treatment plan. When dealing with brain and learning disorders the best type of doctor to see is a neuro-psychiatrist. They specialize in all type of brain function issues. Not knowing what is causing your son's trouble is only going to delay finding him the right plan of care.


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