I feel like a single parent sometimes

Nishani De - posted on 11/06/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




i do everything possible for my 3 kids when outside 8am - 7pm when i am work. My husband will do only what he is told or only what he feels like. I constantly get upset about this and alwasy tell him and fight about this, most of the time when i am so exhausted i can hardly think. If its the weekends its worse because its all about the kids but that just means its me doing everything. I never get asked am i ok, or he never volunteers to take care of the kids and you take a nap etc., it slike he just doesnt see how much i do and doesnt feel for me seeing how much i am doing all the time. I just dont think he loves me enough to feel for me and just doesn't care. It doesnt feel like there is any love here anymore. Anyone else out there feel like this?


Rebekah - posted on 11/06/2012




Hi, Nishani. I had a similar situation with my husband when my kids were younger. I think our situation is a little different because I didn't work full-time, so he felt more responsibility should be on my shoulders, but there's really no excuse for it. Parenting is exhausting, especially if you work full time! It is important for our spouse to share the load.

My husband and I fought about it, too, but what finally worked for us was sitting down and having a calm discussion about it. I used a lot of "I" statements (e.g. I feel this way when you do this). What I discovered was that he wasn't being lazy; he just thought I was doing a fantastic job as a mom and didn't know where to help. He said I was everywhere - making dinner, picking up toys, kissing boo boos. I felt I shouldn't have had to tell him where I needed help, but, let's face it, our husbands can't read our minds. Too bad...:-)

Some things I've learned along the way:

1. It is imperative to ask for help in advance. My husband didn't take kindly to being asked to fix a bottle while he was in the middle of watching a football game. However, if I asked him at 8:00am to please fix a bottle at 12:00pm for the baby, he was happy to oblige, even if it was during the game.

2. If I want his help, I have to allow him to do it in his time. I used to get so frustrated when I asked him to do something, and he wouldn't do it when I thought I should be done. I'll admit to being impatient, so his plan was usually five or ten minutes after my ideal completion time. However, he's had to tell me several times, "If you want my help, you're going to have to be okay with it being done in my timeframe, not yours."

3. My life became loads easier when I stopped hoping my husband could read my mind or catch my hints. I am now very clear (but not demanding) about what I need. He loves that he doesn't have to guess!

4. Should I have to tell him when/how I need help? No, but it's best not to argue principle. I'm getting help, and that's all that matters. :-)

I hope this helps! Good luck!

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms