I had a miscarriage at 34 weeks. I decided not to have a funeral or cremation

Jenny - posted on 06/28/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




I decided on not having a funeral or cremation for my son lewis who was born sleeping at 34 weeks.I let the hospital donate the fetus to science. I am a young first time mom, I was very scared and alone.. I know its something i will regret but its my way of dealing with the loss. to pretend like none of it ever even happened. I know thats unhealthy and i've recently been seeing a therapist weekly to express my feelings. I didnt want to remember my child by funeral or cremation. that just seemed more painful.. am i a bad person ? did anyone go through this


Michelle - posted on 06/29/2013




You're not a bad person at all. Everyone deals with loss and grief differently and if this is the way you felt you could deal with it then it's OK. Don't listen to anyone who tells you what you should have done because until they are in the same position they don't know how they would deal with it.
Wishing all the best for the future though and stay strong. xxxx


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Wendy - posted on 06/30/2013




First, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter at 32 weeks. She was alive at delivery but never cried and passed shortly after delivery.

I struggled with how to make decisions. I remember feeling so overwhelmed between the tests being done on me PP, and the nurses trying to comfort and talk to me, having my husband call and tell everyone, and then of course deciding what to do with our baby.

It was heartbreaking, because the only decision I wanted to make was to reverse it all and take home my healthy baby girl. We decided on cremation and although I'm glad I have her physically with us in some form, it breaks my heart every time I look at her urn and remember that it is all that's left of our beautiful baby.

I respect you for your decision. It isn't easy to deal with this in any situation and as shocked and grief-stricken as you were, I can say you made the decision your heart told you too. I would've regretted burying our daughter because we move a lot and I didn't want to leave her.

I had decided in my mind that our daughter was an angel and that's exactly what her purpose was. Perhaps your conscious decision to donate fulfilled the destiny that your son was meant to help other people in a special way too.

I wish you all the comfort and peace in your time of grieving. If part of your healing is to share your story, I would love to hear all of it and exchange my full story with you as I do not have support outside of family.

Mary - posted on 06/29/2013




You are an extremely strong person I admire your courage and I hope you realize you did what in your heart was right.

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