I have a 19 year old daughter that still lives at home and in a tech college but don't want to ge a job , whants me to pay phone bill and started fasting because of a man and also trying t get her younger brothers doing it to there 13,19,8 she has been telling them different things like aspertine thats in diet drinks telling them that it is in there cool aid and cause holes in their brain . I feel like every time I say something to her we fight its like dang if i do and dang if i dont . What do I do


Lacye - posted on 10/20/2012




Your daughter is 19. She needs to get a job and pay for her own phone. Stop paying her phone bill. She wants that phone bad enough, she will get off her butt and get a job.

As for her telling your sons that, you need to remind her that you are their mother. Not her. Stop fighting with her about it. It's your house. If she wants to do things her way, she can move out and get her own place.


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Anaquita - posted on 10/20/2012




I've a slightly different view on things. At the age of 19, some immaturity is to be expected. Not necessarily tolerated, but expected.

That being said if she IS in college, and getting good grades I wouldn't stress *too* much about her getting a job. I know from experience the amount of homework a tech college can give, and the stress of one. Working on top of it, while keeping up the grades, takes a fair bit more maturity than most teens can handle. I would however require her to *not* go over how many minutes she has on a phone, keep up her end of the chores, and perhaps some extra ones. Give her a choice, the extra chores, continual good grades, or a job, and move out.

As for the food bit, honestly most teens go through this phase, especially in college. They learn about what's in their food, and most try to go through a more natural eating phase, and some even stick too it through-out life. (I'm one of those who stuck too it, after doing the research,a nd diet drinks is the easiest to research as even doctors advise against them.) And it sounds like she's concerned about her younger brother's diets. Not in the best way, but hey she's at least caring about them. Not all older siblings show any care at all, when younger.

But sit down and talk to her about your lack of appreciation for her side comments like that, and ask her why. You'd be amazed at how much an attitude can change if you at least hear them out. And let her make her own food, if she wants to eat something different, provided she cleans up after herself. Heck, if she wants you all to eat healthier, have her make dinner for the family. One less thing for you to do! You could relax with her in the kitchen. ;)

As for fasting because of a man, I would sit down and ask about that too. Try to do so in a non-judgmental tone, then talk about having respect for herself, and how if *he* really cares and respects her, he wouldn't be pushing it on her. (If he is... if she's not doing this to thin out so he'll notice her, or whatever.)

Mardi - posted on 10/20/2012




At 19 its a luxury to still be living at home.

Attitude and demands will not be tolerated. I' m sure your home has rules, so start laying them down. If she doesn't like them, s he can move out. Dont give her money, dont pay her bills/debts, expect her to mature and grow up, if she wants these things bad enough, she will get a job to pay for them, or go without.

If she wants to mess with your kids heads, s how her to door, you didn't do that to her (I presume), so she has no right to do it to them.

I have two teens who dont get along, well one hates the other. So he can stay here, as long as he doesn't bring disharmony to the home, works, saves and pays his way. He has now saved enough to move out and is, next week, so while things have been 'tense' the last year, they have learnt to live together in peace, if nothing else. OK, so ignoring each other isn't the best outcome, but a lot more peaceful than constant fighting.

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