I have bad separation anxiety with my little girl. She is 10 months old and I have not been away from her at all. We have no family here so Its hard to think about having to leave her with anyone. My husband wants time alone but I feel like a bad mom for leaving her. We have a something comming up in July and I am losing sleep thinking about leaving her with my mother in law. HELP!!!!


[deleted account]

Try hiring a babysitter to come to your home while you do housework or some other task where your attention will be elsewhere. You'll still be nearby and your daughter will learn to trust the sitter. She will begin to understand that when you go away, you always come back. In the long run your daughter will be happier and healthier for it. The first big commitment you made was to your husband and he deserves to have alone time with you. Your second big commitment is to your daughter and she'll only benefit by having parents who still have a happy, stable marriage. Set up a weekly date night and ENJOY it! You'll never regret it.


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Marlene - posted on 02/18/2009




Leave her with her grandmother for a short while before July so that you are more comfortable with it when the time comes.  Have fun!

Rachel - posted on 02/18/2009




YOU ARE ABSOLUTLY NOT A BAD MUM. It's always a good thing for kids to be around someone who is not mum or dad every now and then i think, so dont stress you will be fine and so will your baby. Good luck with it all and remember all of us mums have felt the same way you are at one point or another about leaving or babies

[deleted account]

I'd say that you and she need to practice with a sitter a few times before July.  She'll probably cry for a little bit after you leave but she'll learn that you come back.  And if she gets used to it then it will be easier on you and on her come July.  Plus once you leave for the first time you'll realize how great it is to get away even for a little while.  Good luck.

Stephannie - posted on 02/18/2009




Thank yall for the advise, one other problem is that we llive so far away from our families that our daughter doesnt even know them. She only sees them maybe 3 times a year and at 10 months old she doesnt know that that is grandma or grandpa. I cant drop her off with them a couple hours a day to get used to leaving her. So I guess I am just worried about leaving her with family that is really a stranger to her.

Cathy - posted on 02/13/2009




It must be your first child! I was like that with my first one, believe me, she will be fine at your mum in law. Try leaving her at your mum in law for an hour while you go to the shop or have coffee with a friend. Do this a few times and you will see it does get essier. You can trust your Mum in law, remember she brought her own kids up, so she does know what she is doing. she is the safest one to leave your baby with coz she is family. You will not be a bad mum by leaving her with someone, you and hubby need your time out, remember your hubby had all your attention before baby, and now he has to share you. He finds it just as hard, men are sometimes worse than babies when it comes to looking for attention, haha. well good luck.

Abigail - posted on 02/13/2009




I definately know the guilty feeling i had a very hard time leaving my kids, but they love going to grandma's and you really do need a break and to be able to spend time with your hubby without babies around!!

And of course grandma will take very good care of them! and you can call and check in as often as you want, i find that when i call to check on my kid they won't hardly talk to me because they are having so much fun, so i guess its just us that have the problem lol!!

Angie - posted on 02/13/2009




You are not alone! I wasn't able to leave my oldest until he was 2 years 11 months old. She'll have a great time with Grandma and will probably come home spoiled! Do your best to get some sleep now and remember what a wonderful relationship she is getting ready to start with her grandma! My mil died my son loves looking at pictures of them when I left them alone to bond. What great "memories" he has, you daughter will too!

Kelly - posted on 02/13/2009




I had this exact same problem with my daughter. First, take a deep breath, everything will be fine. Your MIL raised your husband so she knows what she is doing. It took me a LONG time to feel it was ok to leave my daughter, but after you do it the first time it gets easier. You deserve some time to yourself and it'll be good for her too. You can certainly check in on her from time to time to see how she's doing. Just try to relax everything will be fine I'm sure.

[deleted account]

Hear me, "You are NOT, ABSOLUTLY NOT a bad mom for leaving your baby with someone else, especially grandma."  It is good for you and her both.  She will be absolutly be great and you will have a good time.  She needs to learn that mommy goes away for a short period, but she comes back.  I am a stay at home mom, but I learned that as much as I don't want to leave her, it is best if I get a break.  I come back refreshed and am able to give more of me.  I can't give her much if I am empty.  Plus, she has a GREAT time with gramma, pop, granddad, mimi, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  She learns even more things than if she was only in my enviroment.  They show her things I would have never even thought of.

Also, you and your husband need time alone.  A strong marriage between you and your husband is absolutly best thing for your daughter.  She needs both of you, together, bottom line. 

Enjoy your thing alone in July with your husband and when you miss her, think about all the fun she is having with Grandma and smile!

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