I'm seperated, how do i tell my 5 year old daughter i have a boyfriend?

Yani - posted on 07/12/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have been in a loveless marriage for 8 years now. I thought having a child would change things but it only made things worse. We agreed to stay together for our child but I met someone else.

My husband found out I have been seeing someone else and I told him I want a divorce. One day he tells me he will respect my wishes and grant me a divorce, the next day he is plotting against me using my daughter.

I found someone in my community and fell in love with him. He is the greatest man I have ever met. We have been dating for almost a year now. I started to bring my boyfriend around my daugher a couple months ago but I have not shown any affection towards him while my daughter is present. He often gives us a ride home from her school and my daughter has taken a liking to him from what I can tell.

Recently my husband told my daughter he will have to move back home away from my daughter because Mommy has a boyfriend. My daughter is devastated.

I told my boyfriend that I can no longer bring my daughter around him. I can feel he loves my daughter as much as he loves me and he is heartbroken. We already don't have much time together and now even less. He told me that I've taken almost everything away from him, no time to spend together at night ever, we only spend time when my daughter is at school. He told me that there is nothing else left for us and said that if I can not bring my daughter around him then it is over. He also told me that it is better for me if he were to go away, he doesn't want my daughter to resent me because she loves her daddy.

My husband has been verbally abusive to me nearly every day of our marriage. I want to start a new life with my boyfriend but I do not know how to talk to my daughter and explain that I have a boyfriend and that he is the best thing that could ever happen to me and my daughter. If I don't bring my boyfriend around my daughter I am sure to lose him. What can I do?

She is only 5, can i have the conversation or do I not risk upsetting my daughter and give up the man of my dreams, who I am confident can provide for me and my daughter in a way I never could?


Ev - posted on 07/12/2014




This is a hard thing to ask and get an answer for. Why did you not leave long before now? If it was so bad. By you seeking out another man, your husband can use that in court against you and even make that man come to court to testify to the fact you two have been seeing each other while you are still legally married. Your husband can go for custody too. Its not a good thing to be in a situation like this and have a boyfriend because so many things can backfire on you. You need to get a lawyer and get the divorce and custody settled with your husband. You should be more concerned about your child than having another man in your life. She needs you more than the man needs you. You are not yet in a position to be certain that he will stay. Get the divorce first and custody and then give yourself time to heal from what you have been through with your husband first before getting a boyfriend.

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