I need a heated debate here - I need help!

Veronica - posted on 06/18/2009 ( 233 moms have responded )

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Ok, this is a sticky situation... I know this lady - she did crystal meth while pg. at first, and quit, but the damage was already done. She openly admitted the drugs - but denies that they affected her son. You can see he isnt normal, by his looks and he's bascially a one or two year old in a 5 year old body.

She won't put him in special ed or hold him back in school (which is what the school is telling her they want to do) because according to her, "hes normal"

How do you confront someone who wont listen?

Secondly- I know she 'loves' her child -- but she is nothing but a prick for a mother - she cusses him out - she's told him she hates him(which he says it right back to her) She doesnt ahve him potty trained - in fact she forces him and screams at him - when she yells he pisses his pants. On many occassions she has left him home alone to run to the store (a few blocks away) and she will sleep all day and not even take care of him - she's found him several times outside in her car pretending to drive - not to mention they live on a very busy street.

I know these are all clear signs of bad bad parenting -- im compassionate because i see the love that she does have for him, and she does take care of him well in all other accounts -- where do you draw the line?? when do you get social services involved, or help for her -- she is messed up from a shitty childhood, a horrible relationship and divorce, and all the drugs screwed her brain up --- What do I do?? What kind of help is there?? She's a very confrotational person - and things go in one ear and out the other -- what can be done to help? are there services for this that maybe she could go to or get help from???

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dina - posted on 06/19/2009

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First I think it is great that you do have a concern for her child and her well being. Thats a clear sign that they have a chance at changing their lives because someone like you who cares enough wants to make a stop to the wrong for this child grows up with serious problems. But if this continues for him, and this lifestyle doesn't change he will become a seriously troubled person. If you feel you have to do something, first confront the mother, tell her hey look i care for you and your son but I have a few questions to ask. Be sencere BUT be a friend 1st. You know? Don't just point out her faults and mistakes, just point out the things you feel are a concern to you. Don't tell her you, you, you...make more of a personal idea, like instead of saying well you don't watch him when he is outside. Instead say, I saw him outside the other day, and I was concerned if you were alright since he was outside without you. Show her you're a friend not a judge. Then if she is still in denial, then you take the step a bit further, tell her that you are being given a decision to make for the sake of this child. As a woman and mother she should appreciate the fact that you care so much, but like I said everything can go smoothly as long as its never a lecture or finger pointing on bad parenting skills...we each screw up when we have our 1st children, we know better not to do it to the second but we make new ones with the second, so no matter what a parent will make mistakes, its just some need to be given a wake up call to notice. Good Luck, Luv...I hope things for this child and his mom end up on good terms....Be Safe.

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You don't need to confront her, but just because she had a rough childhood doesn't mean her son should. He needs help ASAP..as in yesterday! Call family services and get them involved NOW. Neglect and verbal/physical abuse is NEVER OK. Maybe when they take him, she will 'wake up' and realize just what she is doing and NOT doing. If you care even a little bit for this little guy, call now. If not, his future could also be upon your head.

Anne - posted on 06/19/2009

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Veronica, I did not read all of the posts so I hope I am not being redundant. I in part know what you are gong through. I had child care in our home when our daughters were small. One of the first families that brought their children to showed clear signs of Child Abuse. However by the time the worker got involved she found people that would stand up for her. I know there was abuse going on but my hands were tied. It is now easy to turn a family into the authorities and to then have them look the other way. Just know you are doing the right thing. One thing that you may want to do is document any abuse you see. If she leaves marks on the little boy if you could take pictures with out it looking like you were a pervert than do that. If you know she is leaving her child alone that call 911. The saddest part of al of this is this little boy will remember this.

Regardless of what ever guilt you may feel for turning your friend in just know you do not need to own that guilt. She is the one that regardless of her past is not doing what she should be doing for that little boy. I will keep you and this whole concern of your.

Kate CP - posted on 06/19/2009

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The child needs to be removed from the home until "Mom" (and I use the term loosely) is capable of being all her son needs her to be. Either she needs to place him in the custody of a trusted family member or friend or the state needs to step in.

Lacey - posted on 06/18/2009

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Maybe what she needs is for someone to come forward, temporarily put the child in foster care until she can prove to learn the tools to take care of this child. This is a vicious cycle, if she can't care for him, then he will grow up to be just like her, it will be all he knows.

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233 Comments

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Veronica - posted on 06/22/2009

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I just want to send my thanks to everyone -- Im awaiting results right now - so for now I am locking this forum and will open a new one about whats happening -- again - thank you for your advice, confirmation, and prayers - you've all have given me some confidence in what Im doing!! I am going to "Stand visible for the invisible". See ya in another post!

Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2009

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There is no debate here. Call the authorites and get this child some help. This is not about how much this mother loves her son it is about her ability to parent him.

Beth - posted on 06/22/2009

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it sounds to me like you already know what you need to do. turn her in. it is one thing to not want to hold her child back and consider him normal, it is another thing entirely to abuse him, which she is. and calling child services on her may be the wake up call she needs. if she truely loves this child, she will get help. are you sure she isn't doing drugs still? it sounds like she may still be using.

Jaime - posted on 06/22/2009

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if you are concerned call 911 or the local police department and ask for a welfare check on the child. you can remain anonymous this way. a social worker will pull the child right away if it is an issue. this way it is also on record that someone tried to do something for the boy.

Misty - posted on 06/22/2009

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Quoting Kathy:

Wow. That is messed up. You have no choice but to contact local children services. If something happens to the boy you will feel terrible. Its really a hard thing to do but you have to be brave and pray that its the right thing for the child. School employee are over worked and under paid but shame on them for not doing something. Good luck. Also be careful and try to stay away from the mother for your own safety.



No kidding! The school is requ8ired to report this! Maybe they don't see as much as  you do, but they ought to have seen enough... And, not potty trained??!!! I am shocked they even allowed him to enroll. Even preschools here require children to be potty trained before they star!

Misty - posted on 06/22/2009

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Call a child abuse hotline or DHS immediately!! This is a very dangerous situation. If you've witnessed this much, there's a HUGE likelihood that there's a lot more going on behind closed doors. I will be praying for this family and your involvement. Be safe.

Misty - posted on 06/22/2009

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Call a child abuse hotline or DHS immediately!! This is a very dangerous situation. If you've witnessed this much, there's a HUGE likelihood that there's a lot more going on behind closed doors. I will be praying for this family and your involvement. Be safe.

Sara - posted on 06/22/2009

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I think you need to report her. You have to think about this child's wellbeing and it doesn't sound like things are good for him. If she truly does love him she would be a better mother. Sounds like she's more in denial than just about doing drugs. Call...it's your responsibility.

Sara - posted on 06/22/2009

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I think you need to report her. You have to think about this child's wellbeing and it doesn't sound like things are good for him. If she truly does love him she would be a better mother. Sounds like she's more in denial than just about doing drugs. Call...it's your responsibility.

Sandy - posted on 06/22/2009

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I know it's been a few days since you posted this dilema...but I just ran across it, and this is my response.

I am a 47 year old mother of 5 children, none of whom I could ever abuse in any way.

I was a little girl who lost her mother before I was crawling, only to gain a step mother who was physically and mentally abusive, as well as my father who sexually abused all the girls in this put together family, and I can only tell you this.....while I got through all of this ordeal in my life, I look back and wish, how I wish, someone would have made the call....Please do it for the child and no one else.....she can make it appear everything is fine if you confront her first.....just do it, please, just do it....Make the call....help this little boy!

Stephanie - posted on 06/22/2009

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You have to draw the line immediately because no matter what this is abuse...It doesn't matter how much someone loves their baby...abuse is abuse...I would call DCF and let them monitor her so that they can tell her what she needs to do to take care of her child or she will lose him. How are you going to feel when something finally happens to that baby and he's dead? You might feel guilty for the rest of your life. Don't let it go on any further. ....my opinion

Larissa - posted on 06/22/2009

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yes girl...She is probably still on the Meth.. For what u r saying the way she treat him n yells she has a real problem. She is not fit to be a Mom. If u love your child u will not neglect them from the help that they need,like in your friends instance. That little boy need al the LOVE n ATTENTION that he truly deserves. I'm pretty sure she knows that there is something wrong with her son, but she continues to ignore it. no parent should ever leave their child home to fend for themselves..that is child abandonment n neglect. I know that if something happens badly to that little boy"God Forbids" U wouldn't want that on your conscious..when u knew all along the messed up situation. They will work with her in providing a stable home(Environment). They will not just snatch her son away from her.. only if she has prior cases of Child Neglect against her. But if this is her first they will give them the help that they need. So u don't have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. Just think of that little boy. I hope this helps..Blesses!

Larissa - posted on 06/22/2009

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yes girl...She is probably still on the Meth.. For what u r saying the way she treat him n yells she has a real problem. She is not fit to be a Mom. If u love your child u will not neglect them from the help that they need,like in your friends instance. That little boy need al the LOVE n ATTENTION that he truly deserves. I'm pretty sure she knows that there is something wrong with her son, but she continues to ignore it. no parent should ever leave their child home to fend for themselves..that is child abandonment n neglect. I know that if something happens badly to that little boy"God Forbids" U wouldn't want that on your conscious..when u knew all along the messed up situation. They will work with her in providing a stable home(Environment). They will not just snatch her son away from her.. only if she has prior cases of Child Neglect against her. But if this is her first they will give them the help that they need. So u don't have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. Just think of that little boy. I hope this helps..Blesses!

JUDY - posted on 06/22/2009

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ITS A HARD CHOICE FOR SOMEONE TO HAVE TO MAKE BUT HONESTLY SHE'S IN DENIAL ABOUT HER DRUG USE AFFECTING HER SON....



ANOTHER THING SHE IS PROBABLY TRYING HER BEST NO MOM LIKES TO BE TOLD THAT THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD MOTHER ESPECIALLY IF SHE IS DOING THE BEST SHE THINKS SHE CAN .

CALLING SOCIAL SERVICES IS A BIG THING CAUSE NO ONE WANT TO LOOSE THIER CHILD IF ALL THEY NEED IS A LITTLE HELP.

THERE AREPROGRAMS LIKE REBECCA SAID THAT HELP MPTHERS LIKE HER IN RAISING THIER KIDS. I THINK THEY ASSIGN HER A SOCIAL WORKER THEY DO HOME VISITS AND GIVE HER PARENTING CLASSES AND HELP HER GET THINGS UNDER CONTROL.BUT SHE HAS TO WANT TO DO IT....



ITS HARD FOR A PARENT TO FACE THE FACT THAT THIER CHILD IS SICK OR NEEDS HELP WETHER THIER FAULT OR NOT.... TRY OFFERING HELP OR LET HER KNOW THAT IF SHE NNEDS A BREAK OR SOME TIME THAT YOUR THERE...

MAYBE THATS ALL ASHE NEEDS

Kathy - posted on 06/22/2009

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Wow. That is messed up. You have no choice but to contact local children services. If something happens to the boy you will feel terrible. Its really a hard thing to do but you have to be brave and pray that its the right thing for the child. School employee are over worked and under paid but shame on them for not doing something. Good luck. Also be careful and try to stay away from the mother for your own safety.

Sarah - posted on 06/22/2009

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Make a decision and be an advocate for this boy...no one else is!! Friend or not an anonymous phone call needs to be made. There are many qualified people who love and cherish children like this little boy. If Mom needs help, or a break, they are relief for her. this boy will not thrive in the environment he is in now. She is in denial, you need to help this child. You know what needs to be done, you are upset that this mother and child are not doing well, listen to your inner self and call authorities. This little boy may Thank-you in a few years!!

Sarah - posted on 06/22/2009

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Make a decision and be an advocate for this boy...no one else is!! Friend or not an anonymous phone call needs to be made. There are many qualified people who love and cherish children like this little boy. If Mom needs help, or a break, they are relief for her. this boy will not thrive in the environment he is in now. She is in denial, you need to help this child. You know what needs to be done, you are upset that this mother and child are not doing well, listen to your inner self and call authorities. This little boy may Thank-you in a few years!!

Kerry - posted on 06/22/2009

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I don't think you should confront her as she could get physical and assault you,with her being a druggy she is not herself no matter how well you get on, everyone is right when they say call the authorities, don't make it your problem,she has already been given the chance to get help and has refused it,and it sounds like she needs a psycological assessment as well,don't get too involved just do a citizens duty, that was my mistake when it came to friends with problems,i got involved and tried to help,i got burnt,some people just aren't good and this lady doesn't know what love is. The little man has a right to be happy,loved and fed. I bet his siblings are happy where ever they are in the world.

Jane - posted on 06/22/2009

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hi, I think that if shes had a troubled childhood then maybe she needs some sort of councilling to help her. I know that shes been brought up thinking thats its ok to be doing things like this but she has to realize that its not..

I also think that until some thing happens to her child it will not sink into her how to be a constantly caring mother.

hope this helps

jane

Melissa - posted on 06/21/2009

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You need to call CPS immediately.This little boy is still young and deserves a good life.You can make annoymous calls to CPS. I wouldn't wait any longer to help out. He is so innocent in all of this and this is happening all over the world and you will feel so much better if you can provide a better life for this child in anyway. Good Luck!

Kylie - posted on 06/21/2009

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Dont discuss anything with her - just call childrens services immediately for both of their benefits. Ask them to keep it confidential so that you dont have to deal with the repercussions...

Jennifer - posted on 06/21/2009

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I understand that I may be unpopular for saying this....but....I feel a bit uncomfortable with this post. Like all of us I was shocked at this boy’s history. But when I gave it more thought it bothered me. I think we should all remember this is your side of the story and there are typically two sides. As with so many comments I can’t judge her with out really knowing her myself or at least knowing her side too. With all the personal details I worry this story could be interpreted as gossip or that this is a person you no longer care for (justified I am sure) and you have thought to share her dirty laundry with us to possibly gain support. Support we could have given with out the personal history. I just think it would be nicer to leave out the details and stick to the basics. For instance: ‘I have a hard decision to make. I have a friend that appears to be neglecting her five year old son. I am worried about the ramification of calling DCFS. What should I do?’



Disclaimer: I am writing this with no malice. I am not mad at anyone here, just trying to think of all sides involved.



Having said that, I totally support that you do what is in your heart. I would also recommend that this friendship is not leading you in a healthy direction and if I were you I would start to break that relationship. Good luck and I am sorry you have had to bare the weight that this friendship carries with it.

Lauren - posted on 06/21/2009

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I feel the line has been crossed in my opinion. Without knowing this woman, there are clear signs of child neglect. I would turn her in not for her well being , but for the child.

Jen - posted on 06/21/2009

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Report her to the Department of family services in your area. You can do it without giving your name. That child needs some serious help and so does the mother.

Kym - posted on 06/21/2009

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Id get social services in. Its not the childs fault she had a shitty childhood. The cycle is going to keep going unless someone says or does something. Its not called bad parenting by the way. Its Neglect.

Dale - posted on 06/21/2009

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Please call someone to help this boy. Child protective services can step in and evaluate the situation. They can place him in a stable environment even for a short time if they decide this is needed. They will first try to work with the mom and resolve the situation.

Amy - posted on 06/21/2009

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I'm in agreement. it's time to get someone else involved. protective services for the child and help for her. (mental and substance and parenting) i'm sorry she had it rough growing up but that's no reason to take it out on her child. she may "love" him at times but motherhood is a full time job. u can't just "love" ur kids when ur in a good mood. she is supposed to be a role model for her child too. what kind of role model does this. god forbid he should wonder into the street or have someone abduct him. please get help. (my opinion only.....)

Rachel - posted on 06/21/2009

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Quoting Veronica:

Im not entirely all about worrying about her feelings -- matter of fact i got inspiration today "be visible for the invisible" -- I gave her the ultimatum - and told her i was calling. I'll give you details when it all comes together - or should i say, falls apart.... thanks for the advice, prayers, etc. Ive tried being the friend - now its gone too far -- I'll be back with the outcome!


I would just like to say well done honey you have done the right thing for her and her little boy!!!!!!!!!!. That took a lot of strenght and i bet you feel like a whole weight has been lifted of your shoulders. I don't know you but i would just like to say that i am proud of you, you took a hard situation and dealt with it to the best of your ability..........WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.



What annoys me is that you need a licence for just about everything else in this world but any idiot can have have children. Sorry i know that sounds harsh but in my years as a social worker i have seen too many kids raised by idiots who end up having a lot of emotional problems and they end up turning to drugs and alcohol to hide from the real world because the real world is too scary. I don't understand how people can treat their kids like their nothing because thats how they were treated when they were growing up, i had a really stuffed up childhood, my father raped and beat me, my sister and my mother whenever he felt like it and he used to bash my brother whenever he felt like it, and yet i remembered all of that when i was pregnant with my first and it was the one thing i said i would never allow myself or anyone  to do to my kids and to this day i have never ever used my childhood as an excuse if anything i have used it to better myself and get my gegree's and to be the loving,caring,affectionate and over protective mother that i am today.



As i said i dont know you but i am proud of you, you took a hard situation and dealt with it the to the best of your ability and you should be proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. WELL DONE VERONICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rachel - posted on 06/21/2009

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Quoting Veronica:

Im not entirely all about worrying about her feelings -- matter of fact i got inspiration today "be visible for the invisible" -- I gave her the ultimatum - and told her i was calling. I'll give you details when it all comes together - or should i say, falls apart.... thanks for the advice, prayers, etc. Ive tried being the friend - now its gone too far -- I'll be back with the outcome!


I would just like to say well done honey you have done the right thing for her and her little boy!!!!!!!!!!. That took a lot of strenght and i bet you feel like a whole weight has been lifted of your shoulders. I don't know you but i would just like to say that i am proud of you, you took a hard situation and dealt with it to the best of your ability..........WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.



What annoys me is that you need a licence for just about everything else in this world but any idiot can have have children. Sorry i know that sounds harsh but in my years as a social worker i have seen too many kids raised by idiots who end up having a lot of emotional problems and they end up turning to drugs and alcohol to hide from the real world because the real world is too scary. I don't understand how people can treat their kids like their nothing because thats how they were treated when they were growing up, i had a really stuffed up childhood, my father raped and beat me, my sister and my mother whenever he felt like it and he used to bash my brother whenever he felt like it, and yet i remembered all of that when i was pregnant with my first and it was the one thing i said i would never allow myself or anyone  to do to my kids and to this day i have never ever used my childhood as an excuse if anything i have used it to better myself and get my gegree's and to be the loving,caring,affectionate and over protective mother that i am today.



As i said i dont know you but i am proud of you, you took a hard situation and dealt with it the to the best of your ability and you should be proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. WELL DONE VERONICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Evie - posted on 06/21/2009

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I think it is a sad reality of todays society. There is a great need for cultural change, this lady was a child once also and it sounds as though her world was quite abusive. Its very easy to say 'be a good mum' but if you have not been shown how, then were do you begin. They both need allot of support! Its very sad that the support needs to come from the state, if only their was a better sense of community and young mum's were not left feeling so isolated, with a lack of money and little hope, crapy housing etc.



I don't know her every detail but it sounds as though she is not coping and I'd say you need to offer support to her and lessen her load, help out, spend some time showing better ways, but make no mistake THE CHILD is AT RISK and you must tell her this, be honest and show leadership but not control...encourage her to get the help she needs, it would be much better if she did it herself, she probably wants too!

Nikki - posted on 06/21/2009

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dont want 2 seem like im been a bitch but her past however bad it was does not give her da excuse 2 do wat she is doin 2 dat child and personaly i would phone social services, and i kno social services dont get a good rep d's days but i think anything would b better dan havin a mum who treats u like dat especially at such a young age!!!!

Nikki - posted on 06/21/2009

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dont want 2 seem like im been a bitch but her past however bad it was does not give her da excuse 2 do wat she is doin 2 dat child and personaly i would phone social services, and i kno social services dont get a good rep d's days but i think anything would b better dan havin a mum who treats u like dat especially at such a young age!!!!

Lisa - posted on 06/21/2009

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Seriously u know what u should do, just do it, i know u will feel horrid but please think of the child please xx

Lisamarie - posted on 06/21/2009

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Wow! She may love her son, but it is obvious that she needs her own mental help. She may have depression, or may even still have problems trying to stay away from drugs. She is doing a lot of mental damage to the boy and if someone doesn't step in, it isn't going to be a good life for the boy, He will struggle. He will be angry, and maybe violent. Or become one of those depressed children who hurts himself to relieve pain. If you have tried to verbally help her, and she does not listen. I know its hard, and you don't want to hurt the mother, but child needs help. He is fortunate enough to have someone like you who even cares to bring the matter up. I say do your best to help them both out. Social Services will help them both, but you may have to get more involved if it gets ugly. Ya know? Its a hard decision, but think about your own children. If you weren't mentally stable, and in denial, wouldn't you want someone to help your children, when you couldn't?? Eventually if the situation is helped, you would of saved a life. Just think about that. I hope I helped. Good Luck!

Maggie - posted on 06/21/2009

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consider the line drawn! no parents should treat a child like that. EVER! that child needs to be removed from that home ASAP. especially if he has issues from his mom doing meth when she was pregnant. i would call child serves in a heart beat. until she gets help for herself i don't think she can take care of a child with special needs. it's not fair to that child.

[deleted account]

i think u should stand back u getting to involed if there a need to help her ask her if u can do anything for her and son see if he can go urs for tea if there a concer call some body who knows wot they doing dont take into ur own hand get tidy help explain wot u know they there to help and they know wot to do they might put the child into care but thats down to them to decide not u think about wot u doing to help the child and how his mother will feel if they take him away from her its hard giving up a chid .they might just see how he getting on in school and do tests to see y he a slow learner all u can do is wait and see wot the outcome will be .but know u helped the child

Carol - posted on 06/21/2009

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OK - From the mother of a daughter who decided that partying was way more important than taking care of her daughters here are my suggestions - first you are to close - she is not going to listen to you. Keep in mind that the advice I am about to give you is going to cause some pain to all involved but sometimes pain is inevitable. second - you have gone way past the point of when to call the child protective services in your area. A five year old going to the store by himself is not a good thing if the store is only 10 feed from your backdoor. Once inside the store who knows what could happen or who could take the child and harm or injure him. Listen to the news and see it does happen in "my neighborhood" now days too. third - you can always call the 1-800 number and then you don't have to give your name or number and she still gets the help that she and her son need. My only other concern is why hasn't someone from school or from the neighborhood other than you called. Fourth and most importantly before you do anything else do two things ask yourself what is best for the child - in all situations that come up for you as a parent try to put yourself in the child's place just to get a feeling of how they are feeling - my guess is the child in this situation is confused and just wants someone to show him love and how to love. I suspect that he feels lonely and needs some sort of guidance and support. The second thing you need to do is Pray.

Pray that God will guide you to make the best decision for all involved and that God keep this child and mother in his loving hand and take care of both of them

Jenny - posted on 06/21/2009

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Go ahead and call child services. They will have a private interview with everyone in the house to figure out what's going on. They will keep that record open for 3 months to see if any other reports come in. But the downfall would be if everyone puts up a good front and they pass the test. Unfortunately, there is little you can do--and I know that is hard to accept! The best thing for the well-being of your own children would be to keep her and her kid away from you and yours!

Kirsty - posted on 06/21/2009

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From everything ive read here u hv posted i would say: she treats her child like this because emotionally she is UNSTABLE and blames him for her life being this way-even though she would maybe never say so deep down this is how she feels thats why she is so awful to her son.

This woman needs some serious help...a councillor to start off with whilst leaving her son in FULL TIME CARE of a family/person who is going to do the righ thing by him.

Im sure she loves him, but love just is not enough.

she needs to sort out her own life and clearly she cant do that while being a "mother" so let someone else love her son and raise him with the life he so deserves.

she should def remain in his life as she is his mother-but let him go and be looked after until she has her life sorted and for good.

If you dont want to have her child taken off her for the drama it would cause maybe u could sit her down with some other ppl that r her "friends" and that lover her son and do a group intervention...dnt gv her a choice tell her u will be sending her child to live with a proper family in a stable environment and she will agree to it or ull get the law involved and thts when its going to get messy.

As 4 her fooling the services u need to write down a detailed log on things that happen-take photos if u can, get video as proof, neighbours to write statements etc..

this little boy doesnt deserve such a shit of a life i know how torn u must feel with ur loyalties 2 her BUT ur never going to be doing the wrong thing if it means her son is cared for properly.

User - posted on 06/21/2009

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you should contact social services, straight away. from what you are saying, that poor child is in real danger. who knows what she will take or who will be at her house???? the authorities have taken children away for less.

her past should not be an issue when it comes to her own child.

everyone has problems and issues these days, but to take it out on a child who is less than half an adults size, and who obviously doesn't understand; is cruel and abusive.

Jennifer - posted on 06/21/2009

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Good for you for doing something even though it may seem nothing is happening. Just keep trying and keep calling (social services). Take notes, pictures, video. Don't give up! Child abuse is not just physical abuse. Leaving a child alone, especially at 5, is abuse, even if it's to run to the store! Not too mention the verbal abuse you've witnessed!

Fran - posted on 06/21/2009

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hi veronica, you have had loads of advice from so many people it`s unreal i have read thru some of them but not all of them, i was thinking if you and her are really close and you dnt feel happy about calling the proper authorities, and you are in the right situation, why dnt you tell her that you will take her little boy away from her and when she has gone thru all the proper channels to sorting herself out then you will think about letting her have her little boy back into her care, i know it would be hard but maybe she need a shock, as you said she has already had children taken away and lost one thru her own fault and this is her last chance to show that she can do it and so far she is making a cock up of it by the sounds of things. good luck and i hope you can help your friend.x

Amy - posted on 06/20/2009

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That's a very hard situation. Unless you have seen her abuse her son, you can't really turn her in for abuse. And like you said, she loves her son, she just can't seem to express it in a positive way. As far as school goes, I know you probably can see the problem with letting her little boy go on to first grade, but if she doesn't give the "ok", then he'll probably go on. It's sad, but parents really have the right to say yes or no, and sometimes it's not the right decision. I hope she gets it together. I lived with two dysfunctional parents and I know how hard it is for children to overcome that dysfunction.

Amy - posted on 06/20/2009

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That's a very hard situation. Unless you have seen her abuse her son, you can't really turn her in for abuse. And like you said, she loves her son, she just can't seem to express it in a positive way. As far as school goes, I know you probably can see the problem with letting her little boy go on to first grade, but if she doesn't give the "ok", then he'll probably go on. It's sad, but parents really have the right to say yes or no, and sometimes it's not the right decision. I hope she gets it together. I lived with two dysfunctional parents and I know how hard it is for children to overcome that dysfunction.

Corellia - posted on 06/20/2009

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If you are sure the child is being neglected, then please, call child services. Better that then a life of misery and the child will receive the proper care. If the mother truly loved her child, I believe she would not act the way you have described it.

Barby - posted on 06/20/2009

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get that poor boy the help he needs.

the ministry is there to protect kids from situations like that

they will know what to do

dont feel bad for mom, shes responsible for her own choices & she needs to put that boy 1st, shes the grown-up

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