The Circle of Moms site will be discontinued on March 1st, 2020. Head to POPSUGAR Family's Facebook page for more community discussions.

Let's Go >>

i need advice about courts...

Shelly - posted on 05/08/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )




hi im new to this and just wanted to see if anyone could help. i broke up wit my sons dad over a year ago and done everythin out of court. he has my son for a few hours once a week. he has now decided that he is not going to pay any maintence anymore, do i told him i am not dropping off my son anymore. if he doesnt want to pay for him then he doesnt want to see him!

he has now said he is going to a solicitor (which he will prob have to pay for as he works) and i wanted advice on a possible outcome?

atm he doesnt have our son over night, my son does not have his own room at the house neither does his father. my son does not like going to see his dad but i used to take him any way as i thought he was too young to make his mind up. my son is nearly four. if we go to court would he get him over night seeing as he doesnt alreaady? and would he get him for weekends etc? which he would try and do just to spite me! any advice i would really appreciate it ! thanks


Jodi - posted on 05/08/2010




With regard to what courts do and don't do in the US, I can't say. However, I have a personal issue with using the child as a pawn in the way you describe. While I agree the father SHOULD pay child support, and he's being unfair for not doing so, it is never fair to use that to withhold visitation. The child has a right to know his father to, irrespective of child support.

Theresa - posted on 05/08/2010




If it goes to court make sure to let the court know that your son would not have a room of his own at his dad's. Also let them know that the dad doesn't even have his own room. That plays a big part in overnights.

This conversation has been closed to further comments


View replies by

Karen - posted on 07/07/2012




First, check into your state's laws and I would recommend filing for custody. It gives you a lot more to work with. If your kid isen't happy going to his dad's then maybe something is wrong in which case I would try for supervised visitation, and personally I believe it is all well and good to try and settle things out of court, if it's not working then something has to change. Chances are that he would still get visitation, but visitation and child support are two different matters. File for child support. Just remember its not about you or him. It's what is best for your child. That is what it all comes down to

[deleted account]

You can almost guarantee that the father will get visitation rights regardless of whether he pays or not. My ex told the judge that he would never pay child support whether he could afford it or not and that was the same day that the judge granted my ex more visitation than he was already getting. I agree that a father and child should be able to have a relationship regardless of money, but I think a statement like I mentioned above would speak volumes about a person's character (and knowing my ex.. it DOES). Unfortunately the judge here (the ONLY family court judge) cares more about father's rights than he does about what is in the best interest of the child. It's a BIG hassle to protect children from even abusive fathers (as in my friend's current case).

I KNOW it's a hard situation to deal w/, but just do what is in the best interest of your child in YOUR situation. Do you know WHY your son doesn't want to see his father... as you mentioned? That and your ex's living situation would be a good angle to pursue on figuring out what visitation should be.

Good luck!!

[deleted account]

I agree with jodi. But i also know that majority of courts will give visitation rights. You should simply go to child support and get things started with them. Then you wont have any worrys when he doesnt pay as they will catch up with him.

Brean - posted on 05/08/2010




in Texas, if you don't pay child support and the person with sole custody is asking for it, you will not get visitation. (try going to see the attorney general in your state and opening a child support case) it shows you are serious and if he doesnt pay, they keep it in record. :)

Iridescent - posted on 05/08/2010




Courts are going to award him visitation, period. It is completely unrelated to child support. Since he's taking the issue to court though, make your case clear and file for child support. Some places have more strict laws regarding child support than others. In Minnesota, if you don't pay child support owed and you're $3,000 or more behind, you lose your driver's license, any professional license you carry (electrician, plumbing, nursing, doctor, day care), and can be jailed.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms