I need advice on how to deal with the death of a child, as I had to endure this back in 2007..

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Adrienne - posted on 02/16/2009

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Paige,
I'm sorry for your loss. I've had six pregnancies and only 2 of them made it full term. I had 2
miscarriages, an ectopic, a premie, then my two boys. It's going to be six years this year when my son William was born and lived for 38 hours. The doctors told me that he would never survive off of the machines after the main blood vessel in his head broke. I was the one who gave the okay to take him off the machine. I felt like I let him down. I tried the groups and they weren't for me. But then I was told that I would never be able to have any childern in my life time. For a long time I was depressed. I did my own thing to help deal with my son's passing away. I had his exact footprints and name tattooed between my shoulder blades. Also every year I get a bday card and write in it and put it away. Two years ago I was able to put up a picture of William up on the wall but I had to take it down, since my 20 month old would take it down and sleep with it.  I know the lost of a child hurts a lot I still get teary eyed just talking about it. I hope that you are able to find your own way to deal with your loss. You'll be in my prayers.

Tammy - posted on 02/14/2009

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Hi Paige!  I am sorry to hear that you lost a child.  There is a book that I had purchased from a Christian Book store that helped me with losing my 3rd pregnancy due to it being an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy.  It had some true stories about a loss of a child (miscarriages, stillborn, death at a young age) and then at the end it had questions that you complete.  This helped me tremendously because I'm not one to show emotion or reach out to talk to someone.  I've had 3 pregnancies but only one child.  If I would have had this book when I miscarried during my 1st pregnancy, it definitely would have helped.  I was depressed for nearly a year and during that year, my grandmother had died from leukemia which added on top of that & it caused some tension between my husband & I because I couldn't really come to terms about all that had happened.  If you are comfortable w/talking to someone do so.  If not, grab a journal and write everything down how you are feeling just so that you can at least get your feelings/thoughts out.  Hope this helps!



 

Amy - posted on 02/14/2009

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Everyday is new and although you will never let go, you must move on for the family and for yourself. So remember, just do not dwell on it. Your child is in the arms of Jesus, no better place. YES you want to hold them, but at least you can take comfort in knowing that they are alright, till they see you again!

Tammy - posted on 02/14/2009

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Hello Paige......my deepest sympathies in your loss.  My husband and I lost a son almost a year ago.  The pain is still intense and we miss him every day.  I can only hope you have God in your heart and soul because that is exactly what will get you past the pain.  This life is but a journey, however temporary.  Our bodies are vessels given by God and when He calls us home we must go.  I buried my 17 year old brother in 1991 and if it were not for my faith I'm sure my destiny would have been different.  I watched my parent sbury a son and never imagined it would repeat in my lifetime.  But it did and I live every second of every day being thankful for the years we got with my brother and our son.  They were treasures from Heaven and true blessings in our lives.  I know in me heart that I have the best Angels waiting for me and some day we will see them again.  God Bless and I'm always here to listen and talk............

[deleted account]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my daughter when I was just 22 weeks pregnant with her 2 years ago.  There is no greater loss then that of a child no matter how old.  I started therapy with a counslar that I still talk with today.  I also will have my moments and just sit and cry and miss what I could have had with her, then I pick myself up and realize that I need to be a good mommy to her and take care of myself and the world around me because she'd want me to be happy.  I also started meditation and sweet lodges.  I talked with other moms that had lost also, this site and www.babygaga.com are both really good for that, babygaga has an entire section dedicated to moms that have lost and everyone helps each other out.  You'll figure out what works for you and you have to remember that it will never go away the pain that you feel but it will lessen with time.  Namaste

Shelly - posted on 02/14/2009

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Paige,



  There is no greater pain than the death of a child.  You need to find a support group in your area with other mothers that have been threw the same.  You need to beable to turn to other women that know what your feeling and what you can expect.  By you being stuck in this spot you are not doing anyone any good.  I see that you have other children.  Do you think you are doing them any good not being 100% of your self...So please call the hospital they should beable to help you find a support goup for grieving mothers...I will keep you in my prayers

[deleted account]

My answer to that is you do whatever you need to do to heal your heart after the loss of a child.Grieving for a child for most is a lifelong process we just learn to live with it in a healthier manner.its been over 8 years for me already and it is still a process.I will say though I can now today talk about the loss of my child with ease and I can smile when I think about my little girl as the years have gone by it did get easier but every now and again it creeps up on me and I regress for a little bit but thats o.k nobody can tell you when to stop missing your child.You can see a grief councellor you can release what your feeling to friends and family in most cases they are more than willing to listen they just never knew or had the right words to help you with your loss.You can honor your child in private or publicly even circles like this you will more than likely realize you are not alone and just knowing that sometimes helps.I hope you find for yourself what you need to move forward and life has brighter days ahead for you

Asha - posted on 02/14/2009

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My heart goes out to you....coz right now I am also seeing one of my closest friend undergo the same trauma....she lost her 23 year old son exactly a week after he turned 23. Words are just that.....words, so i dont want to sympathise and give u advice. All i am saying is that Life is a mystery and why and when it ends for someone is not known to us.........so ACCEPT it, that ur child is no more...........and under the circumstances get involved with some educational instittutions, like a play school or a primary school....coz the innocence, the warmth, the love that children give unquestioningly is heartwarming and makes us forget a lot of our worries and sorrows....and who knows? u might find some child there just like ur own....most importantly, be positive, yes u lost ur child, but think of the joy that he or she gave u while he / she was with you.....also think of the numerous couples who have never had a child at all.........at least ur lucky, u had a child and knew the joys of being a mother......All the best to you my dear friend........hope i was of some help to you

[deleted account]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss!  My heart breaks for you.  I suffered several miscarriages before I finally had a successful pregnancy.  If I may ask, was it a miscarriage or had your baby already been born?  Either way, the loss is tremendous and I can only suggest that you talk to someone.  Wether it's a friend, family member or a professional, talk to someone.  Don't keep it all inside.  Grief is a horrible process and sometimes just getting out your feelings helps.  I know from personal experience that advice from well meaning friends can only make it worse but try to remember that they mean well and if they haven't walked in your shoes then they don't understand.  I won't say you will ever be "over" it but it will get better and more managable.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of the babies I've lost over the years.  I will keep you in my prayers and I know others who read your post will do the same.  If you ever need to talk, I'm a good listener.  God bless.  Joy

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