I need advice regarding my 18 year old son

Josie - posted on 04/30/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




Let me start by saying that I am mentally and emotionally exhausted! My oldest Marcus is 18 going to be 19 this October. Since he started High School he changed. First, he was not doing homework, then it graduated to not going to all his classes to now wanting to get up on time to even go to school. He lies, he steals from us, he smokes pot, he is not disrespectful as far as with his mouth but he is about not following the house rules. He goes into our bedroom to take his fathers sneakers without permission, which we had to lock up our room with a pad lock and he manages to still get in... He doesnt coporate in the home unless he is told to do so. He takes clothing from his little brother (15 yrs. old), takes money from his sister (17 yrs. old). My two younger children get up everyday at 6am and leave the house by 7am to go to school. They are both involved in sports and my daughter works and helps around the house as well as my younger child. My oldest works (1 day a week) and eats and drinks up whatever is in his reach and doesn't even replace it. My husband has kicked him out several times, of course I suffer because what mother wants their child roaming the streets with no where to go but he does ok for a day or two and he is right back to his old ways. He is a great athlete when it comes to playing Basketball and we have tried to get him into leagues and even tried to encourage him to go to school and get good grades so that he could join the team at school... All he wants to do is, lounge at home, take his families belongings without their permission, play basketball and smoke weed... We have sent him to Job Corps for orientation which he attended but lied about going to the interview, now I have to take time off from work to take him just to make sure that he puts in the paper work to be accepted into the program... but its a process and in the meantime I don't know what to do. My husband, his father and I are at wits end with him. We have sat with him to talk and see what is bothering him and what he would like to do with himself and all he can say is that he wants to change but can't. He wants to play basketball and get a scholarship to a good university but doesn't apply himself. If anyone has found themselves in this situation and was able to find a solution that worked, please let me know!!!! Thank you in advance!!


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Jodi - posted on 04/30/2015




Stop letting him come back home!! You can't blame anyone but yourself here. He KNOWS you won't be firm enough with him to do anything about it. Sorry, but he should not be living in your home if he is stealing from others.

However, if he is seriously wanting to change, has he had any sort of consistent counselling?

Raye - posted on 04/30/2015




You need to start being firm with him. He needs rules and consequences (that should have started YEARS ago). If you kick him out, then that's it. He's out to make his way on his own. He's an adult now, and seriously needs to act like it.

My suggestion is draw up a lease agreement for rules and/or payment that you require for him to continue living under your roof. This should include finishing high school or getting his GED, applying for college, helping keep common areas of the house picked up, buying his own food or reimbursing you for groceries, etc. For minor things like skipping chores, he should get verbal warnings. 3 verbal warnings will earn him a written warning. For worse things like stealing from his siblings or parents, he gets written warnings. 3 written warnings and he gets evicted. If you feel this is too strict, give him the chance to erase a warning by doing something above and beyond his normal duties. If he agrees to this arrangement by signing the contract, then it's his choice to behave and follow the rules, or don't and get kicked out for good. You would not have to feel bad about it, because you gave him an honest chance to redeem himself. If he doesn't agree to the contract, then you have to decide whether you will keep him in the house as things are (because he won't get better), or go straight to booting his ass out (because he's really had too many chances already).

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