i need help i live with my Mother-in-Law

Tracey - posted on 02/05/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )




at first everything seemed to be working out ok, but now all i want to do is rip out my hair. she is a clean freak. because there are 5 of us in the house she wants the whole house vacuumed 3 times a week, monday, wednesday and friday. but know that she will no longer be working from the house i feel its gonna be my responsibility. i think its nuts i mean we leave our shoes at the front door. also she tells me what to do with the stuff in our bedroom. i mean i know we do not pay rent but what is she doing in that bedroom. nothing of her's is in there. i mean i am 26yrs old can't i have some privacy. just a little. and when i clean the bathroom if she has no idea that i did it she questions me. like when did you do it and around what time. also when i do clean she goes very sneeky like to check to make sure that it was done. i am not a 12yr old child but she makes me feel like i am. i get the impression its "do as i say, not as i do" and when i am out of line i get my butt handed to me not only by her but my Father-in-Law and i don't think its fair. but when she is out of line no one cares. i feel like she is just to used to being the boss and we need to cooperate here. i don't know what to do anymore. i give her respect but i feel i'm not gettig it in return and i'm 15 weeks pregnant and i'm worried its gonna get worse towards the end of my pregnancy and i feel we will butt heads when the baby is born. i mean i am not a first time mom i have a 4 1/2 yr old so i need advice on what to do before i scream at her.


Marianne - posted on 03/22/2012




I live with my mother in law (who was widowed 2 years ago). We've been living together for 1 year 4 months. It actually has been going really well. I wasn't a happy camper when she was staying in our extra bedroom of our last house. We built a new custom home, she has her own apartment which is a basement walkout and we have the upper 2 floors. I actually enjoy her company now. She comes up for dinner a few times a week, watches our kids for us when we run errands (eg home depot, costco) -- sometimes it's just easier without the kids.

She respects our privacy greatly, knocks or calls before visiting (just as we do for her). Financially we're both ahead. My husband was doing a lot of stuff for her when she was on her own, so much so that it was cutting into our family time. It's much better now that he can just go downstairs if she wants a picture hung, or the faucet switched, or someone to talk to her about bills/investing. He isn't running around the city trying to keep her happy, now it's only one driveway to shovel, one lawn to cut.

She was lonely living on her own. Her house needed some major repairs and updates. All her appliances were older and ready to be replaced. When we had the house built she got a brand new custom kitchen, new appliances, picked all the paint colours, bought new furniture. Everything is exactly how she wants it.

If you can find a house with a large apartment or the ability to create a large apartment, with lots of light I would completely consider it provided that both parties have mutual respect and understand that both parties need their privacy.

Erin - posted on 02/05/2010




I get a lot of the same myself, living with my mother-in-law to be, so I know how you feel. Just realize that it is her house, so you'll just have to put up with it until you're able to move out on your own. Be grateful she's allowing you to live in her home rent free. Not everyone gets that luxury.

Tracey - posted on 03/22/2012




OMG! Do you ladies now how old this post is, and mind you I have pregnant. Right after this we started paying rent, I was proving groceries for hrand my FIL. As well as we were broke. We did move out, after my hubbies company was paying rent and we were providing for them all while they destoryed the company making more than him and asking for more than they provided. It was agreed upon to be a 50/50 house hold and we all did our fair share, coming down to me doing it all while getting screamed at by my MIL. I'm done we moved and things are better, we honored his parents a children should, while being walked all over. I'm not saying if they needed us we would not help, but right now we have helped more than anyone should. Thanks for responding this ws posted 2 years ago, and I'm over it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/22/2012




Yep, Amanda, I can relate...when my kids were little, especially! And, we live in a high dust/dirt/mud area, so sometimes it was more like twice a day that we'd vacuum.

And, then again, I am in the minority of women who DO get along with their MIL...LOL...so I'd rather live with her than my mother... :-)

Amanda - posted on 03/22/2012




Heres an idea, MOVE OUT. Gawd, get your own house and make up your own rules, until then vaccum the house 3 times a week (which btw seems is to little in my standards, once a day more like it, and Im not a neat freak).

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/22/2012




Even tho this is old, I got a chuckle.

Seriously. Someone is allowing you to live in THEIR home, rent free, and they ask you to keep their house to their standards...well, it's THEIR house!!! You, (the original poster) sound kind of like an ungrateful brat that thought that moving in with your hubby's mommy was going to be a breeze, but you don't feel it should be your responsibility to take care of the house you live in?

Maybe the reason the OP was being treated like a 12 year old is because she was acting like one? I mean, it's the MIL's house, for crying out loud. If she wants something done a certain way, you do it that way, whether or not it makes any sense to you, because it's HER HOUSE!!!

That being said, I would LOVE to share a house with my MIL...and we're starting to plan for the day when we do combine our households.

Carolee - posted on 02/05/2010




Your partner needs to talk to his own parents about this. You already know that if you say something they'll attack. If it's their own son standing up to them they *might* have a different opinion about the situation. It's worth a try, and it's the only thing I can think of. You're kind of stuck here.

Arielle - posted on 02/05/2010




well i live with my mother-in-law right now too, while my husband is deployed. i am glad to say his mom is not like that! i do think it is going to get worse toward the end of your pregnacy and def. when the baby gets here. so yea you just need to move out.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/05/2010




I agree with Joanna...not your house...not your rules...you want to live how you want...move out! Good luck...sorry not more helpful. I lived with my mother in law for 1 year after we sold our house, we were trying to decide wether or not to move out of state. The conflicts that we had were about how to feed my child, that was hard enough. I am so happy to not be living with them any longer, even though they were a tremendous help when I needed it!

Firebird - posted on 02/05/2010




The only useful advice that I can give you is to move out and get your own place. You're 26 years old, (I'm guessing your man is around that age too) you're plenty old enough to live on your own and make your own rules. Other than that.... you're in her house, not paying rent, what she says goes.

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