I need help with Marriage and Adoption

Donna - posted on 08/23/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )




My husband and I went to four agencies to try to adopt and none of them went through. I am now 47 going to be 48 and my husband is 49. He is no longer interested in adopting. I still want to try and go through an adoption attorney and do not use no more agencies, however, my husband is totally against it and now has said if you are interested in adopting, you can divorce me and adopt a child. I live in Fairfax County i hate it here I moved here away from family and friends to get married from CT and I have lived here for 9 years and it is impossible to make friends in Fairfax VA. I need someone's feed back if I should leave this marriage. I am not working like I used to work in corporate america, but I am so lonely here and my family back in CT is so dysfunctional. Can some please email me and give some suggestions.
Thank you, Donna dkcgarg@yahoo.com


Raye - posted on 08/24/2015




I would not put your personal e-mail on a public forum. You probably will get a lot of e-mails you don't want.

If your husband no longer wants children, you can't force him. If you're set on adopting, then divorce him. However, you have to consider your age... are you wanting to adopt a baby or older child? How will you parent, alone, in your sixties? It seems you're lonely and want this child to give you purpose or to be your friend. Not good reasons to have a child, and they should not carry that burden for you. If you need friends, go out and make friends.

Maybe you need to speak with a counselor that can help you investigate your feelings and what is truly driving this need for a child.


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Sarah - posted on 08/24/2015




My guess is that there were other issues for why those adoptions did not go through and those issues have not been resolved. An adoption attorney is going to give you the same result the adoption agencies did. Focus on the issues you have and resolve those.

Sarah - posted on 08/23/2015




First, it isn't impossible to make friends in Fairfax. You just haven't made any YET. Second, if your spouse is not on board with adoption, no lawyer or agency will be able to help you. You'd have to leave your husband and establish yourself as a single parent and try to adopt a child on your own. Finally, where did you live and what did you do when you were at your happiest? If your family in CT is not a healthy place for you, and you don't like Fairfax, maybe find a corporate job some place new. Putting yourself out there, doing things you enjoy will enable you to make friends that share your interests.

Holly - posted on 08/23/2015




You have to think is a child going to be your family in the long run or is your husband.Give him an ultimatum if he loves you he'll love your child.If not you should leave.Don't make him be a father you and the child deserves better.

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