I need some advice about my mother-in-law

Kat - posted on 08/25/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )




My mother-in-law came to live with us here in Oregon from Montana in July. She has been in an emotionally/verbally/economically abusive relationship for the last 14 years. In fact she has ALWAYS been in abusive relationships her whole entire adult life. She has been married 4 times. She claims none of them were physically abusive, but I don't know if I believe that. She is 65 years old, has had a lung removed due to cancer, and has eye problems. Yet her husband still smokes in their home around her. She has pretty much been her husbands slave, waiting on him hand and foot and doing whatever he told her to do. She came to visit us in April and she even had to ask for his permission to fly out here! When she came during that visit, I told her she is always welcome to come and live with us and I will take care of her. I have been in MANY physically, verbally, emotionally, and economically abusive relationships and I know what she is going through right now. He kicked her out of their home in the middle of the night with no money and no where to go. He cut up all her credit cards and said she has to pack what she can and leave. WHAT A COMPLETE SELFISH A#$ hole!!!! She drove all the way here using checks. As we were living in a 2 bedroom townhome and have children, we absolutely had to get a bigger place so we will be moving into a 4 bedroom home this weekend. This is going to be increasing our rent by $400 dollars, but we don't mind at all because she is worth more then the money. She has been extremely depressed, confused and has a lot of fears she is dealing with. I know she takes an anti depressant but those don't always take away your depression. I have tried to talk to her about her feelings and told her the importance of seeing a therapist and I've told her my story and that she can ALWAYS come to me in confidence and talk to me about anything. I am even STILL in therapy for all the abuse I endured in the past. I don't sugar coat most things and I have told her that there are going to be a lot of feelings coming up that she has been afraid to deal with. Fear and grief being the main ones. She wont talk to me though because I tell her the truth and she doesn't want to hear it. My mom told me that she told her that her husband has been calling and texting her and asking her to come home and that he's changed and that its going to be "different" this time. I fear that she is going to leave and go back to him and I know there is nothing I can do to stop her but I wish I knew the right things to say to her so that she would stay and believe that she is a wonderful woman who deserves better and can have a happy life. Now that I know better then to be in abusive relationships, I have ZERO tolerance for men that are like that and get IRATE about other people I care about who put up with it. And being honest about how I feel, I will be upset not only if she believes this piece of garbage and goes back to him, but if we moved into a much more expensive house to accommodate her, make her feel more at home, less of a burden and to give her her own space just for her to go back to being in a miserable marriage. What should I do? I feel helpless for a woman who is severely damaged!

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