
Katie - posted on 12/10/2014 ( 18 moms have responded )
10
0
4
My 12 year old daughter told me she was going to ride her bike i told her ok but only for half an hour because dinner would be ready. She had been gone for more than an hour i was worried sick. When she came home and hour and a half late I told her she was grounded for 3 days. I feel bad I hate having to punish my kids. Should I give her a chance? Was that even the right punishment.
My husband was the one who punished the girls. He left a year ago now i have to do it on my own.
I need help
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Jodi - posted on 12/10/2014
3,562
36
3907
You shouldn't feel bad about it. She has to realise there are consequences to being late, because her lateness causes inconvenience and worry. Make sure she realises how it makes YOU feel when she does this. Children need to understand that other people are also affected by their actions and choices. Talk to her when you give her back her privileges, and explain that you need to be able to trust that if you ask her to be home by a certain time, she really needs to be home, as if she isn't, you really can't trust that she will make good choices next time she asks.
Sarah - posted on 12/12/2014
10,848
0
27
Punishment is defined: the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense.
Discipline is defined: the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior
Consequence is defined:a result or effect of an action or condition.
There seems to have sprung a debate on semantics. Despite what the dictionary may say, every parent or family applies their own definition to these words.
I interpreted from Katie's post, that she wondered if she had done the right thing when her daughter came home late? Perhaps grounding for 3 days was a little long, especially if her daughter is a generally obedient child. That said, what I think most of the mother's agreed upon was how important is is to follow through with whatever punishment, discipline or consequence is given.
Ev - posted on 12/12/2014
8,353
7
919
Wanda,
I have to add a bit to Jodi's post on the consequences. What you are talking about are called "natural consequnces" when something happens because of something that is done. Such as the boiling water on a hand. Or climbing on furniture and falling off and getting hurt. Those are natural consequences. And the lady is right, there is such a thing as a consequence for actions done. A child goes out to ride the bike and does not come home on time and gets grounded for 3 days is a consequence for actions taken. We all endure consequences for the choices we make natural or otherwise.
Jodi - posted on 12/11/2014
3,562
36
3907
"That is a punishment. Consequences are actions that happen naturally."
Actually, Wanda, that isn't true. Consequences are the effect or outcome of something that occurred earlier, whether it be natural or otherwise. They do NOT necessarily need to be natural. They can be imposed consequences, generally a logical one. When we talk consequences with regard to discipline, we talk about natural AND logical consequences. A logical consequence to a child who breaks curfew (doesn't come home at the allocated time) is to ground them. A perfectly REASONABLE logical consequence. Logical consequences are not about power, dominance and fear. Logical consequences ARE about teaching children the difference between good choices and poor choices.
As an example, if a child at my school does not do their work during class time, they stay in at lunch to complete it. Sure, not a "natural" consequence because it is something I must impose and monitor, but sure as heck a LOGICAL consequence.
On the other hand, spanking a child because they are late home....there is no logic in that.
Look up the actual definition of consequence. Nowhere does it specify it must be natural.
Dove - posted on 12/11/2014
12,536
0
1354
If you go out past curfew... you don't go out. That IS a logical consequence for that action.
Whatever... I don't have power struggles in my home and my oldest is 13... and knows full well if she doesn't come home when she is supposed or let me know she'll be late... she's likely to not get to go out the next time.