Jeannie - posted on 05/26/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )
4
0
1
Im 6 months pregnant and am unwed and single. The father of my child and I split up bc I found out that he was doing drugs and had been hiding it from me even after we found out i was expecting. This resulted in our power getting turned off and getting $1300.00 behind in rent, neither which i had an idea about until after the fact. He wasnt excited when we found out i was expecting, never asked about my dr appointments or wanted to go to any, and when i bought things for the baby, he could of not honestly of cared less. Now after I left him, he suddenly showed interest into my son and says he has been trying to stay clean, which i found out wasnt completely true.... I told him we can communicate but only if its about my child. He has not followed those guidelines,and has sent me hundreds of messages not inquiring or asking about my son at all, but instead about him and I getting back together. I have told him numerous times that that will not happen. Now its gotten to the point of harassment. He has blown up my mom, my little sister, and even my boss at my Job, still not asking anything regarding my son. I have threatened a restraining order if this continued, which did nothing. Im to the point now that I want to tell him that he is not the father, because honestly, it feels like he only shows any interest in my son because he thinks it will get me back with him. Hes not going to be put on the birth certificate and my son will have my last name. I really just want him out of our lives. I need help on what to do or what I can do.
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Dove - posted on 05/26/2016
12,536
0
1354
If he WANTS to be involved and takes YOU to court... you could potentially LOSE custody of your son. Do you want him to be raised by this man and you have no say in anything?
You don't have all the power simply because you are the one giving birth. Father's have rights and if you aren't willing to work w/ him through the court to protect your child... you run the risk of permanently losing your child. WILL it happen? No one can tell you. CAN it happen? Yes it can and it has happened to women like you in your situation before.
You asked for advice... the best advice is to get it all done through the courts because a court order is the BEST way to protect your child.
Raye - posted on 05/26/2016
3,761
0
21
Dove gave some good advice. You can give your child whatever name you want. It doesn't have to be the father's last name, even if the father is listed on the BC. When the baby is born, there's no reason not to name the father on the BC. It could be fraud if you don't, and the child could be eligible for benefits that they wouldn't get if his name isn't on the BC. And you will need proof of paternity anyway to file for child support. The father has a financial responsibility to their child and should pay support. It is not being mean to the father to file for support. It's all well and good if you can support the child on your own, but you should still file for support and sock away that money for the child's education or unexpected expenses. Just because the father pays doesn't mean he automatically gets more time with the child. And if he doesn't pay, that doesn't mean you can withhold the child. It doesn't work that way. Get custody and visitation worked out through the courts, then each parent knows what their responsibilities are regarding the child, and can't manipulate each other for their own agenda. If you have no interest in getting back with him, then do try to keep communication only about the child. You can get a restraining order if he is harassing you, but that only extends to you, and not the child unless you can prove he's a danger to the child.
Dove - posted on 05/26/2016
12,536
0
1354
You can certainly seek a restraining order for the harassment, but not putting him on the birth certificate and/or trying to keep him out of his child's life is wrong. Your child has a right to a relationship w/ both of his parents. Your choice in sexual partners is not his fault and it is not OK for you to make him pay for that.
Now... if the father IS doing drugs... document any evidence you have of that fact and get a lawyer. When the baby is born you go to court to get custody, visitation, and child support worked out. Request that the father have to submit to drug tests and prove clean otherwise he has to have supervised visitations (your lawyer can sort this all out and tell you what needs to happen).