I wish my husband would work on being a better step father

Monica - posted on 11/13/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I've been with my husband for 2 1/2 years, married for one. We are both 25 years old and have children from previous relationships. He has 2 boys 6,3 and I have a 5 yr old daughter who hasn't seen her dad in months and before that for almost 2 years. We just had a son together who's one month old.

Making a blended family work is harder than I thought. I strive to treat our children fairly and to show them all love. That isn't the case for my husband. We get his boys on the weekends and my daughter full time. On the weekends when my hubby gets home from work he will go say goodnight to the kids if they are already in bed or he will be the one to tuck them in. However during the week when he comes home he doesn't even say hi to my daughter or ask how school was, it's like she doesn't exist. He doesnt go say hi if she is already in bed or go tuck her in. If he gets home at 7 the first thing he will say to my daughter at 8 pm is, "hey isn't it your bedtime now" get to bed"

There is a huge distance between them that wasn't there before we got married. He used to be so loving and playful towards her. My daughter is very active like most kids, he makes comments all the time about her not being "normal" because she can't sit still or she is always moving around... It's not normal for 5 year old to sit still and be quiet, am I right? He also makes comments about her being half mixed race of Hispanic and its getting out of hand. She is a you g child, my child and I'm so tired of his unfair actions and comments.

When his boys are here he lets everything they do slide, yet she can do the same thing and he is furious and calls her out immediately.

When it's dinner time we ask the kids to focus on eating and not chatting or they will be at the table for an hour. When the boys are here he will say like "hey buddy time to eat your dinner" but when my daughter talks at the table when it's us 3 he has yelled at her to be quiet and eat!... The way he talks to his boys and my girl is very very different and I think she can tell. I do not want to be with someone who makes my daughter feel unwanted and unloved because she deserves better!

At times I feel like he truly doesn't like her, yet he says he loves her. He is always on edge and short with her and I do not understand why. I treat all of our children the same and love them all.

Please help with some advice. I've mentioned councling but he won't go. He is not sincere to my feeling and my love for my daughter. He has said before that if I think he isn't a good Enough step dad or if I feel he treats her badly to go and find someone else.


Ev - posted on 11/13/2013




They say that the real deal comes out after the marriage or wedding has taken place. You needed to set up rules for all the family together and made sure you both understood that what happens to one kid for rule breaking happens to the rest and that there would be no picking at one child over the others regardless of when the kids were all there or not. You said he treated her like a princess before the marriage and now he treats her badly as if he does not like her. You need to talk to him and tell him how feel about this and what its doing to your child. If he still won't listen then you need to go see a counselor yourself and at least get something of advice from that avenue. He seems to show favorites with this and this is not fair and he needs to know this.

Blended families are like others. They take work and action regardless of who is in them. They take communication, honesty, trust, and so on to work. If you can not trust him or have not communicated to him then how is he to know that he is doing things that are hurting you and your girl. I am not of a blended family but my kids have been part of two of them with step moms. I have listened to them talk about how things were or ask how to approach an issue so they could handle it. I hate seeing it when a parent or step parent chooses one set of kids over the other.

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