Im so lost in my marriage...please help me!!

Sasha - posted on 07/27/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )




I can't help but feel like I am being treated like a single mother. My husband and I have been married a year on August 13th and we just had a beautiful baby boy on May 3rd of this year. Along with that I have a 6y/o from a prior relationship. Everything was amazing through the pregnancy, he did everything in his power to keep my emotions from running wild and to keep me happy. However, things have changed. Our son was born with Malrotation with volvulous which is when your bowels fold on top of one another overlapping and causing a severe blockage. We almost lost him but his pediatrician had him airlifted to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto where he underwent surgery and remained for the first month of his life. Now that we are home everything is different. He is constantly blaming and criticizing me for everything from doing dishes wrong to wanting to have 5 minutes of time for myself. I stay awake pretty much 24/7 tending to our boys with little to no help. Don't get me wrong, he will change diapers and do the occasional feeding but that doesn't cut it. I decided to bottle feed so he can share the bond with our son and have that bonding experience but whenever I ask him to take a feed for me it's like pulling teeth. I am not allowed to go anywhere without taking the kids even if he has nothing to do at home. He refuses to be alone with them and has even started getting verbally abusive about me trying to find part time work to help with the bills. He always claims he does everything to provide for the family but when I try he gets mad then uses the "I pay for everything" statement. I don't know how much more I can deal with. I am literally at my breaking point and when I suggested marriage counseling he lost his mind and actually told me to get the F out of the house if I don't believe in our marriage. I would have left but can't afford to seeing as I can't have a job. It's a vicious circle and I am so lost. I don't want my boys to see me unhappy so I pretend everything is fine but don't know how much longer I can play this game. His family has even started blaming me for everything. His little sister is 19 and she posted nasty messages on my Facebook wall stating that I am cruel for asking for help cause thats how marriage is. She doesn't have kids or a husband let alone a boyfriend for that matter and I am supposed to be thrilled about that? I told my husband about this and he yelled at me telling me I am useless and that something is wrong with me cause I can't get along with his family. I need help. Please...someone help me figure out what I'm doing wrong.


Dove - posted on 07/27/2012




Get yourself to counseling even if he won't go. HE needs help too, don't get me wrong, but you can't force him to change if he won't. It doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong here. If he won't admit that there are problems and go with you to get the help that your marriage needs... there is nothing you can do other than help yourself.

Perhaps counseling can give you tips on ways to communicate with him that WILL help him see that he needs to work with you... or counseling can give you ways to just deal with the way he is... or counseling could give you the strength and tools you need to leave him.

It sounds like he 'may' be scared to be alone with the kids after almost losing your son and he doesn't know how to deal with that fear... and may also be stressed about work and who knows what else.

Hang in there and get YOU the help you need to cope with all of this and hopefully he will follow in time.


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Autumnatraveler - posted on 04/02/2014




Do not stay in a relationship just because you feel you don't have money. Where there's a will there's a way. Go see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. Then look into financial support you can get from your state to help you with daycare so you can get a job to support yourself and your kids. YOU CAN DO It!

Tana - posted on 04/01/2014




hi be strong don't give up what you think is right. maybe counseling will help. guys are hard to deal with period. sounds like its all been about him. be firm you are going to go out for a time out time and he is suppose to help out. its about team work. you don't ask for for that girl posting on face book, that is so wrong. its not everyone's business. there is a prayer group on face book you can join. its awesome. I am going through a lot of heck with my boyfriend and his son it's crazy and no respect either. its hard to deal. breath and think about you. your important too. maybe go stay with a friend or family to get your husband to think what he will miss. tell him you need you time and if has to be you leaving for a couple days to get relief from someone else if he's not willing to help out then. I learn no guy can make you happy but yourself. good luck hope you find relief. tana

Nicole - posted on 07/27/2012




My husband will rarely change a diaper and didnt participate in helping feed overnight so I exclusivley BF. He also wants me to take baby everywhere but always needs space for him. I know how frustrating it can be. To make matters worse his family looks at the old fashioned times where men didnt do crap. I deal with it. i have 1 baby and thats my job and I stay focused on that. I dont know what its like having more or being threatened to leave. I say continue with your pretend face for youre babies but go to counciling and get a job. Stash money away. Tell your hubby HE doesnt believe in your marriage if he allows his family to treat you that way. Tell him to take some pride in his family. Tell him if he doesnt that HE c ould leave and send you child support and allimony since he wont let you get a job.

Wendy - posted on 07/27/2012




Hi Sasha
Firstly you are not doing anything wrong it is him you said this started after your new son came home could your husband have post natal depression i know it sounds weird but men do get it to and even though it is noway to excuse what he is doing it could also be a possibility Secondly tell his sister to come live with you and see what is happening or plain and simple keep out of it you do not need her input not if she is going to be like that.
I think maybe you could stay at a friends for a couple of days give you both time to think and figure out where to go from there and finally if the marriage doesnt feel right dont stay in it its not worth the hassle. hope you work it out

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