In desperate need of step parent advice!!!!

Christina - posted on 01/18/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have known my boyfriend for close to seven years. I have been with my boyfriend for one year now. We moved in together 6 months into our relationship. He has a now 3 year old son. As hard as I try, I never truly feel like I am apart of "their" family. His son likes me about 50% of the time and the other 50% is incredibly hard. He is developing slower than most kids and you can see in his behavior how negatively coming from a split home has affected him. I wish I could explain how much anger this 3year old boy is filled with and it's not normal! He is 3! What is there to be soooo angry about??? He will look at me and scream NOOO, hurts himself if I am in the room and he does not want me there, he will repeatedly hit me if I get to close to his dad ( my boyfriend). I would be lying if I said this 3 year old didn't hurt my feelings often. Pathetic? Maybe, but I try and try and nothing seems to give. I know he is only three but after a year I really hoped it would get better. My biggest fear is that with time his "hate" for me will only increase. I don't know how much more I can give. I feel like I am a human too and deserve to be happy. But I am always the one sacrificing my feelings to accommodate my boyfriend and his son. As crazy in love as I am with my boyfriend, I don't know if I can love his son the same. I feel absolutely stuck. Confused. Sad. Hopeless. To top things off, I do not have a good relationship with my boyfriends sons mom. I have tried everything to get a long with her but she is truly toxic. I dread the thought of her being part of my life forever. Am I absolutely crazy to think that my boyfriend and I can make it???!! I am really looking for some CONSTRUCTIVE advice. Do I end things now before they become more complicated? Or do I not give up on love?


Ev - posted on 01/18/2014




You have to look at this from this boy's point of view. He is the one that suffers in this because his parents are not together anymore and he does not understand that. He does not understand daddy having a new girlfriend either. That is the key element here. He is only three. Also, his world is now different and torn apart for whatever reasons his parents decided on. He had no say in it and could not have had any say because at three he is still developing in so many ways. He also does not have the vocabulary to tell you or anyone else how he feels about this. All he can do is have fits, hit, scream, hurt himself, and other things to express how he feels. He might not even genuinely like you. He also reads your feelings and acts on how you are at the moment. This little boy's world is so different than what it was. You have to stop thinking about what it means for you to give up to be in his life and start trying to be a friend to him. Get on his level and play with him. Incorporate him into your time. As for mom, that is going to be a lost cause if you have a hard time getting her to talk to you. Let his dad deal with mom on the issues of their son and do not worry about it. And if you can not get over the fact that this boy is going to be there, maybe you should seek some counseling.

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