[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

My husband and I have decided to 'separate' somewhat but still live under the same roof. I am 4 months pregnant and we feel like trying to go through the divorce process right now will only cause problems and he wants to help me with the new baby while I'm breastfeeding and also help me out with my two year old. I fell out of love with him although he still loves me, so basically I'm the one that wants out eventually. We agreed if that happens, we will settle for joint custody. But his sister in law, and I'm pretty sure the rest of them, all hate me now like I'm the bad guy! I refuse to see them and want nothing to do with them now. I'm tired of everyone looking at me like I've done something wrong. Help me! I just want people to understand we arent on bad terms now. We want different things, not all marriages work out.


Rebekah - posted on 01/25/2013




Your inlaws are probably responding in defense of their brother/son/etc, because they love him and your children and don't understand why this is happening. I'm sure its a natural response to defend one's family. What are they actually saying to you? Is it more than just looking at you sideways? Are they being offensive? If you refuse to see them, does that make you more of the bad guy?

Even if you end up splitting up, your children are still part of this family. If you can find a way to stay civil (or better) with them, its all the better for your children.

It sounds like you have your mind made up about your marriage, but I'm curious--did you try marriage counseling? Did you do all you could? Its true, not all marriages work out, but hopefully enough work went into it before that decision was made. Falling out of love... "love" has to be more than a feeling in a marriage. Feelings wax and wane. Love is more of a decision and a commitment, especially in those times when its hard. If you guys grew apart and you feel there is no path back, then so be it. But do understand that the inlaws are hurting too, on behalf of your husband and children, as well as their relationship with you. Be patient with them, and hopefully there will be opportunities for you to tell your side, if they are willing to listen.

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