In laws !!!!!

Helen - posted on 04/12/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )




my little boy is 9 months old and my in laws are not interested in him - they have only been to our house once and we have to take him to their house if we want him to have any contact with him which is difficult ( i work full time and don't drive and my husband runs their family business 7 days a week - they however are retired, drive and have loads of free time on their hands). This is anoying but not the main issue. The main problem is that they very obviously favour my niece (their first grandchild) Christmas was a good example my son got 2 toys but my niece took 2 hours to finish unwrapping all of hers. This is not a problem as he is to young to understand yet but i am dredding the question when he is older " why does granny and grandad love ***** more than me" Please help

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Kylie - posted on 12/04/2010




WOW! I am in the same boat as you!! It is so their loss...My children dont even want to know their grandparents or even ask for them now (11 & 13). As hard as it is, just let it go. I have cut off a lot of contact now (not that they contact us much).....They can't look after their daughter's kids enough, actually they should just move in! But seriously just be the beautiful mum that you are, and do what you want to do. Put your family first and don't waste your energy on them!

Jeanne - posted on 04/13/2009




How is your and your husband's relationship with his parents???  If your relationship is fine than it could be that they don't even realize what they are doing or it could be simply "grandma" is doting on the little girl because she missed out previously.  If things don't improve, your husband should be the one to approach them as coming from you it could cause friction between you and them as well as you and your husband.  If that still doesn't work, then invite them over so they can come and see your boy.  Some grandparents don't feel comfortable just "dropping in" as it was done to them to many times when they were raising their children.  My mother to this day (she is 77 years old), will not go by any of our houses without an invitation or calling could be that simple. 

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I agree with both Sara and Melissa, it is not easy nor is it fair, but I do agree that 1 there could be a VALID reason why they don't or it could be that is just how they are....I know that it is really hard when you are in this situation, especially since it is inlaws. But definitely have your husband talk to them, so that they don't think that it is all you or something....Good luck.

Mel - posted on 04/13/2009




i feel for you! i kind of know what u mean im a 19 year old mother of a 12 month old baby girl with extra needs as shes been tube fed for 10 months, and my mother in law will not come to see her even though i ony live 10 mins down the road. i am so sick of us having to go there if it was personally up to me i would say she is not going to see her unless she comes here. my partner does not understand where im coming from at all he gets to go to work every day i dont i am at home by myself with my daughter and we dont get out because her tube feeds take so long and i dont have heaps of time between feeds. its been really hard so reading your story made me reaslise there are some other people like this. difference is though that her grand parents dote on her when they see her its just she doesnt drive outside her home area even though she doesnt work at all. it annoys me because when i had my driving lessons she would come up here so why can she not even catch the train 10 mins to see her grand daughter? give me a little break? my family live far away and my partner will not move closer. i cant give any suggestions as im still stuck myself i just wanted you to know im in a situation that is not the same but similar and i hope it gets better for you.

Sara - posted on 04/12/2009




I would suggest your husband bring it up to them. He can use this Christmas as a starting point - maybe before your son's b-day. He can ask if they would like gift ideas for your son. He can just mention that he noticed at Christmas last year *** seemed to have a lot more gifts than your son. Ask if there was a reason (maybe they just don't know what to get for a boy, or feel he's too young for too many presents. That honestly could be a legitimate reason) Mention that the impression they are giving is that they favor the granddaughter, or instead that you don't want your son to feel left out when she's opening all her gifts. There's the chance that it is unintentional, and just pointing it out might help.

As far as Christmas gifts, you have a couple options. Go the high road and use it as a learning opportunity for your son to not expect too many gifts, don't be greedy, be happy with what you have etc (a lot easier said than done when one child gets more) Or you could suggest you have seperate celebrations so they don't open gifts at the same time, so your son doesn't feel "less loved".

Good luck!

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