in trouble for bullying

Miracle - posted on 01/27/2018 ( 13 moms have responded )

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i have temporary custody of my seven year old nephew & his 14 year old brother for a year. friday at school the older one, chris, got suspended for beating up a girl (wasnt his girlfriend, just someone he was arguing with). & then wednesday i got a call from the seven year old, elijah's teacher saying he was making fun of a fat girl. the teacher wants a conference for his "mean behavior".and chris's school is on my ass too. both of them are fine at home and i dont even know if theres more to the story then the teachers are letting on. my children are young so i havent expirenced this before.

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Miracle - posted on 01/28/2018

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there isnt a case worker. i got the custody through a family court judge. i wasnt downplaying anything. im not sure what i should do, since my own kids are little so this hasnt happened to me before.

Ev - posted on 01/28/2018

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Miracle--14 years of age is not that young. He is more than old enough to know better than to beat someone up and in this day and age no matter the reasons behind it--schools do and will suspend someone for doing that. It is obvious there is something wrong with the child--something that happened that cause them to not be with their mother and father and this will cause a child to act out. As Sara said, something is causing them to act out. And do not downplay the younger one either as just being young. There is something going on and these kids may be doing this and calling out for help. Call the caseworker on this as Sara suggested.

Miracle - posted on 01/28/2018

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oh no im fine with being the parent for now. i was already a legal guardian ive just been granted temporary PHYSICAL custody of them. something like this is not at all a last straw for me, and i love them very much. it's just my children are young and i have never dealed with anything like this so i was looking for advice.

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2018

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Then maybe your aren't meant to be the custodial parent? Reach out to the case worker for help. The boys are obviously acting out!

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Michelle - posted on 01/28/2018

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Using the excuse that you don't have experience with teens doesn't fly with me. None of us do until our children reach that age and every child is different.
Maybe get some books on raising teens.
You need to find his currency, what does he like the most and what would he hate to lose?
It could be catching up with friends outside of school, it could be a favourite TV show, it could be technology in general. Turn off the WiFi, ban TV, take technology out of his room.
I'm sure you can figure it out.
Also sit down and have a conversation with him. Find out why he is upset and actually listen to what he says. He needs to know he is being heard.

Miracle - posted on 01/28/2018

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yes i agree. what can i do other then take his phone away? i'll be fine with the younger one but i have zero expirence with teens.

Ev - posted on 01/28/2018

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You can also use privileges as well, taking it up where Michelle left off. But you have to be the one to parent them since their parents are not there to do it and you did take them on.

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2018

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There has to be consequences at home. The school can only do so much and children learn right from wrong and good values at home.
You have taken on these children, it's your job to be guiding them on the right path.
There are other consequences other than taking their phones away. Even if you don't pay for them, you can take them away though.

Ev - posted on 01/28/2018

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You are the guardian---you need to do something. Just getting it taken care of at school is not enough. You need to go meet with the teachers and principals and maybe even the school counselors about this to try to get these kids on the right track. School officials are there to help you as well. They deal with a lot of different issues all the time. But it seems to me if you got guardianship of the children for a reason not just because you wanted them. When you take on children even in this manner you still need to discipline them in some way or another. You do not just let the school handle it and it is the end of it. You should at least have the conversation of why they acted out this way and see what they say about it. This is part of parenting.

Miracle - posted on 01/28/2018

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they already got discliplined at school so i havent done anything. i dont pay for their phones so i wont take them.

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2018

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The boys could be acting out because of not being able to be with their parents. It sounds like a cry for help.
Therapy would be a good start.
What consequences have you had at home for the behaviour?
They need to know that bullying is not okay.

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