Internet/Child Safety

DJ - posted on 04/28/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hey lovelies! I am new here and if I ramble or posted in the wrong space please inform me. I am a happily married,mother of two beautiful girls. My issue is, my oldest which turned 13 not even one month ago has changed.
No, I am not talking about acting more mature. I am talking about from loving tigers,horses,drawing to want to be goth,by wearing black shirts,jeans,never anything girlie. (Yes up until her birthday she was wearing frilly, cute girls tops)
I allowed her to get her hair cut in emo style as that's popular here, and dyed it black(temporary color nothing damaging).
Then my husband upgraded to XBOX 1 and we put the 360 in their room. They play online on his account which we didn't mind.
Well about 2 wks ago we noticed her acting strange,secretive about her online time. I went in after she went to school,searched through. Well random messages,hi,what's up, basic stuff then a add me on text now and kik.
I'm new to tablet apps for teens so I looked it up.
Come to find out my innocent daughter was talking on both of them same guy from online.We told her we didn't mind if she talked on the game but it doesn't leave the 360 no texting and such. I mean come on that's a parents right,and safety issue.
Well boy, did I have a bad cry, my daughter had over 400 messages from this boy to and from. From I hate my life, to I cut if you don't message me back, and then he wants to know where she wants IT to go! OMG ,yes IT!!!
I went from sadness, to fear to anger towards this boy who claims to be 14. None of the messages came across as childlike.

So, I took away all internet,tablet privileges. Did I mention he messaged wanting them to run away together, and how he would stop for them to charge phones and keep contact with certain people.
I told her a month first few days I had my girl back,sweet,innocent and loving. Well fool me I guess, she started getting secretive again so I went in her room where she threw her notebook down. I was like :
Me-Hey silly what are you doing?
A-Oh Nothing mom,drawing but I'm not finished....
M-Oh Ok

She went to bed and then I snuck in for the notebook, wow my daughter has been going behind my back,writing notes to this boy and getting her friends to send on to him. I am so done with this crap! I put the papers back in so she didn't know what I seen. She has 16 days left of school, so taking her out isn't an option. But I am seriously torn between allowing her in school next yr or homeschooling.
I mean what's to say this boy doesn't know where we live? I know he is from Kansas and is persistent on getting her and doing things to her. Her talking to him and saying whatever is putting our family safety at risk and making her change drastically. Claiming she loves a boy she never even met, then mentioned mom can I go to a friends house this summer SHE lives in Kansas,haha would have fell for that if I wouldn't have read your plan on his messages.

Keep in mind my kids do not date, do not go to random places. I am protective of them and care about safety. What should I do? What would you do?

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Oksana - posted on 05/05/2015

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I think that the main problem is that our children grow up much more quickly than we are ready for this. We want to believe that they are still small kids, playing with dolls and that kind of staff. And of course they don't like such attitude and do everything they can to seem older in their friends' and our eyes. If we could behave in another way and try to show them that we trust our kids, that we see they are old enough to lead their life in the way they want, we respect their wishes and feelings - they would be much more closer to us.
My cousin had the same problem with her daughter. But they solved it. She just downloaded the parental control program on her computer so she could see what she is doing there when she's not near her. She started to talk to her a lot about different things, told her about all her problems, asked for advice - so the teenager understood that she could trust her mum and do the same. Now they are the best friends. I'm not having the same problems yet, because my little daughter is small. But I think that in future I'll also use the same program. There are a lot of them on the Internet nowadays. My cousin used this one http://www.refog.com/
Hope my advice will help you to solve the problem!

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DJ - posted on 04/28/2015

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I took it all away period, for a month or until I felt she could be responsible. I told her no chatting online on tablet, xbox is fine it doesnt leave there,its for safety. Then bam its all over her tablet.
She doesnt go over to friends houses as the parents are either working during times or just act shady.One has had ecigs taken away 3 times this year,and called our youngest a b!tch. So thats a no go and if her parents cared they wouldnt be supplying a 13 yr old with ecigs. I thought of speaking with teachers,she went from a recluse the beginning of the school yr to ending it rowdy and disruptive for attention.

DJ - posted on 04/28/2015

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Pm'd you. But yes, we monitored that via our xbox,it relays all messages . It wasnt until she went on kik and textnow things got severely out of hand. I have discussed safety concerns with her and she lets it roll off, yeah like anything would happen sorta attitude.

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