Is he really blowing his future?

Barbara - posted on 01/05/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My 17 year old son started dating a 20 year old girl a few months ago. I do not agree with the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that he IS still in high school. Since they have been dating his grades have slipped, he's been skipping class, sneaking out of the house, and disrespecting us (parents). This 20 year old is enrolled in college and lives at home with her parents and I feel as though her parents are contributing to this relationship in an unhealthy manner. For instance, for Christmas, my son, who is unemployed and a full time high school student and athlete, asked her Mother to purchase a promise ring for the 20 year old. This topic was not discussed with me. When I asked him about it, he said he didn't want to discuss it with me because he knew where I stood with the relationship. I feel that this girl is sucking my son into what she wants for her future and he is not able to figure out what he wants for his own future. Is he ruining his future with this girl? How do I, as the Mom, get to the point of realizing that I can't be in control of what he does for his future? I feel as though it's my job to ensure that he experiences life as a high school student and I feel like she is contributing to him missing out on those high school experiences.


Ev - posted on 01/05/2014




I know its hard but even by the time they are 17 years old you have basically raised them up. You can hope and pray the values and things you instilled and educated about stay with them and also they carry it with them for life. But it is their choice to do so or not to do so. I agree that a 20 year old is too old for him but when he turns 18, there will be nothing you can say or do about it. You are going to have to let go and let him learn the hard way if he does not listen to you. And at this age they also think they understand and know it all.

Is he ruining his future?

THis depends on what you mean. If he takes up more so with this girl and they end up having a baby its not the end of the world but he will be responsible for the care and upkeep of this child. If she does not have a baby and they part, he is back to square one. He could go back to school for a trade or career but it will be on him to figure out that. And they could work out for all you do know. His future is dependent on him.

How do you as mom get the point you can not control him forever?

You can't and that is plain and simple. It takes time but you have to learn to let go.

You can do only so much and when the reach a certain age it is up to them. Kids are going to have to learn to live in the world outside the walls of their family home. If you stop and do everything for him or do things that repel him he is going to resent it. Also if you do everything for him, he will expect it. If you do all for him, he won't learn to do it on his own and you will enable him. If you decide what he can or can't do then that is over protection and he won't know how to handle life.

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