Is it me or her?

Sgibsonresources - posted on 02/11/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hello, I am a divorced mom with two teenage daughters who father is in and out of jail. While I was married to their dad, my now 16 year old daughter was having silent seizures. After her dad and I divorced, she started having gran mal seizures. Her dad and I fit a lot and our divorce wasn't too pretty. He was on drugs(which is why I divorced him) and my daughters witnessed a lot of anger from both of us. That was 10 years ago, I have since remarried (8 years) and their dad is again in jail. My 16 year old is so demanding of her dads time and attention and I'm not sure the reason. Am I being one sided? Two years ago I let her move in with her dad because she was just more than I could handle. She then started having stress seizures and anxiety attacks. I knew right then that I made the mistake of letting her move in with him. She was having the attacks everyday at school, was being made fun of, eventually had to be introduced to home school. About 9 months ago her dad went back to jail and she is now back home in a stable environment and living a halfway normal lifestyle. I have her seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, and counselor and it seems to be benefiting her. She has gone from 5 anxiety attacks(she passes out and seizes) to ABOUT 1 a month. Just so I don't drag on and on let me get to today. The school nurse calls today and says Lori had an attack. I got on the phone and soothed her and everything seemed to be ok. She was feeling down so I went and got her and her sister a small gift for Valentines and a card. I just thought it would bring her spirits back up a little. After school they got in the vehicle and I had their little bags waiting in each seat for them. They seemed to be excited that they got a gift. Then.....,Lori started talking about her attack and I told her that she lets things stress her too much and some things just aren't worth that much stress. She said she was the only teenager that had to worry about stressing and then having an attack. I asked her if she wanted me to get on Facebook and read her something that was a little more tramatic and she unleashed on me. She told me she didn't want to be around me and that's fine, I understand, but what happened that things turned so fast. She was yelling that she had a reason to complain and I explained to her that yes she did but to always remember, someone out there has it worse. One of the things her psychologist pointed out was that Sheila staying at home, not doing things with ANYONE, and it's too much time on her hands. With that, I went on to tell her that at least every other weekend she was gonna get out of the house and do things that didn't cause her stress. Once again, she unleashed. I'm about to explode myself because my hands are tied. No matter wha i do or say its wrong. I had talked to MY mom about some things that were going on and in return tried to talk to Lori. She got so upset that I told my mom about her business and now she never talks to me about important things. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about all of this and it's all piled up inside. I'm literally about to pop. Could someone tell me if it's me or her or both of us? I'm open for any suggestions because I'm tired and weary from all of this.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/11/2014




Its both of you. First, you don't try to mitigate a kid's stress levels by 'reminding' her that 'someone is always worse off'.

You know that, I know that, but at that moment, she could care less about starving children in Ethiopia, she's stressing about HER life! Speak with her counselor about perhaps gearing sessions towards helping her find ways to handle the stress easier. If she's having stress anxiety attacks even without her father around, you can't point to him, or his situation, as the sole cause.

And, did you ever stop to think that, perhaps you mandating what she's going to do and how much she's going to enjoy it may stress her out too? Because then you set a level of expectation of her? Have you ever looked into things like social anxiety disorder? I'd check into that. Because it doesn't sound like it's her dad's 'fault' sounds like she may have a deeper problem that needs to be handled.

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