Is it ok for my 17yr old daughter who wants to bring boyfriend over for Christmas?

Julie - posted on 12/18/2010 ( 202 moms have responded )

1

8

0

My 17yr old daughter wants to bring her boyfriend over for Christmas and has only been seeing him a few months. She also wants to spend Christmas Eve over with his family. I don't think its necessary. She should be spending Holidays with her own family. Am I being to old fashion?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

202 Comments

View replies by

Benchinique - posted on 12/24/2010

11

0

0

i think its nice that she trust you as a parent enough to want you to meet who she is involved with and its a sign that she respects and wants your opinion about him before things get serious between them the fact that its christmas is just a convient excuse and just like u want to meet and examine him i feel its a mark of good parenting that his parents want to meet and examine her in the same way allow it to happen if you domt like him its early enough in the relationship for her to really listen and take your advice if you do like him then u will feel at ease about where she is and with whom she is spending a great deal of time with i thinks ita a win win situation :) hope it helps

Vondell Kay - posted on 12/23/2010

3

0

0

She's 17 she is wanting him to be around her family, to share Christmas love ,and they have been together for months ,it's a time for loving friends and families enjoying making memories to day to share later , merry christmas

Stacey - posted on 12/23/2010

16

5

1

I couldn't even call my friends until DEC 26th. You are not being too old fashioned. Your house, your rules.

Karry - posted on 12/23/2010

11

17

1

Wow a perfect chance for your husband to grill him. There's no escaping when he's coming for Christmas lol. You'll probably get to see what type of person he is

Gabrielle - posted on 12/23/2010

8

0

0

I agree with most of the mom's on here. It's not old fashioned to have her spend time with her family. But, she should be allowed an our or two to go over there for Christmas Eve and he should be allowed to come over for an hour or two on Christmas. It'll give both families to meet the boyfriend or girlfriend. And it will just make your daughter happier. Christmas is time for family and friends, not just family.

Connie - posted on 12/23/2010

4

39

0

You're celebrating on both days? I see no reason why she couldn't do both. It doesn't have to be an all day thing. It's really not worth the fight. A little compromise and everyones happy.

EILEEN - posted on 12/23/2010

92

44

2

Sounds like you will have to have a talk with your daughter ,Teenages like to do there own things is she your only child .// Say its ok to stay the night but how does his parents feel about it ask yourself .Did you do this sort of thing when you were that age . older mum from West Yorkshire England UK

Megan - posted on 12/23/2010

2

3

0

Would she be sleeping at her boyfriends house or just spending Christmas eve there? If she is going there for a party and you feel you want time with her try reasoning with her in a way that doesn't attack her relationship with her bf. Like saying you are only going to be home with us a little while longer and we miss you already please give us time on christmas eve as well maybe have your celebration with her after she returns that evening or invite her bf and family over to celebrate with your family that evnening

Martha - posted on 12/23/2010

3

0

0

why not? it's nice that she would want to bring him over and not hide him. it's your time to get to know him. let her bring him and be proud that she would want to show you off ;-) it shows that your important to her :-)

Lorrie - posted on 12/23/2010

4

4

0

Do you like the boyfriend? Do you know his family? Do you like them? If you answered yes to those questions i think that a couple hours with his family on Christmas Eve would be acceptable. And a couple hours at your home on Christmas day would be as well. If you get too restrictive it may back-fire on you. They are young and want to spend the holiday together.

User - posted on 12/23/2010

4

0

0

She is growing up and almost an adult and I think she should be able to spend time with her BF, but at the same time, I think she should spend time at home as well. Maybe she and her BF could spend time with you and at her boyfriends. Invite him over for a meal during the day and then she could go over her BF's for dinner... Hope this helps :)

LadyJane - posted on 12/23/2010

162

7

1

Offer to drive her there on Christmas Eve yourself to meet his parents for a few moments and that will make you feel more comfortable with this. Why not also invite the parents of the BF over. This way even his parents can be comfortable with who he's dating and where she comes from.

Kerri - posted on 12/23/2010

10

50

1

I do not see a problem with allowing her boyfriend to spend Christmas with you and your family. Christmas is a holiday for sharing and spreading joy and love, not laying down the law - it is, after all, only a visit. I welcome all of my daughter's friends into our home for the holidays - the more the merrier I always say! We have a fabulous time!

As for his house on Christmas Eve. I would allow it for a short time as I know how much I want my children to be with me on Christmas, but at the same time, she should be able to share the holiday with him, too.

Norma - posted on 12/23/2010

2

35

0

yes..you are being too old fashioned...let her go to his place for Christmas eve and have him over for Christmas ...I am sure his family are having the same thoughts..but if you don't let them make some decisions for themselves you will regret it...trust me I know!!

[deleted account]

Being VERY old-fashioned, I grew up in an era when I wouldn't have DREAMED, as a teenager, of NOT having each of the boys that I was dating come to my house to pick me up, and make himself known to my parents. The more I dated any particular one, the BETTER he was known to my parents. Had I asked for one of them to spend Christmas Eve or a part of Christmas Eve with us, my parents would have said yes to at least the "PART of Christmas Eve" part. I frequently (since parents and siblings went to bed early) stayed out later on Christmas Eve than my family gathering lasted, whether with one date, with girl and guy friends, or with parents of friends and friends together. All might go to Midnight Mass together, for example, and then have a lengthy, sleepy breakfast bash at about 2:00 a.m. at someone's house before we each went home to bed.

The original poster has not mentioned any question of sex or morals, but rather one of family unity. I'm not understanding why having a fellow she's currently dating come over to her parents' house for a while on Christmas eve, or her going to HIS parents' house on Christmas day, has anything to do with sex or morals. What happens in front of either person's parents usually requires a pretty high level of decorum.

Incorrigibly,

Sharon

Candy - posted on 12/23/2010

132

34

14

Keep the lines of communication open. She is almost grown up and she must start to make her own mistakes. You need to be there, with the lines of communication open, when she makes those mistakes. Would you rather she saw him behind your back? She's being open with you! And if he's Mr Wrong, seeing him in a family situation may well make that clear to her. You have an opportunity, not a problem.

Cyra - posted on 12/23/2010

1

8

0

Be thankful she wants to be home with you on Christmas Eve and is willing bring someone she cares about. It may be a good way to find out a little more about him and also how he interacts with your family. Completely understand wanting her home with her own family for the holidays, maybe suggest a certian time to be back so that she is not misse the whole day. Merry Christmas , hope all goes well.

SHARIFAH NORJANNAH - posted on 12/23/2010

15

4

0

Why not, Christmas is a joyous occasion, the more the merrier....sometimes we have to step out of the box a little, I mean doing things a bit different than the usual. Yes..Christmas is best celebrated with family, but I would not want to miss the chance to get to know her boyfriend and/or the other side of the family, it will definately put my mind and heart at ease, this if I am in your place but then again I believe mother knows best

Barbara - posted on 12/23/2010

20

37

2

I think it's not a bad idea she wants to bring him over. I came from a hispanic family and anytime I dated a guy be it 2 hours or 2 years or anywhere in between they HAD to meet him. I wasn't allowed to walk out the door if he didn't come in first. I would take this as an opportunity to meet him and get to "know" who your daughter is spending time with. As for going over his house I would be very sly about it. You drop her off (tell her this is the rule if she wants to go there if she says no then she doesn't go) walk her to the door and very "casually" get to meet his parents. Did you ever think she's already been to his house possibly when no one was home. Not saying she's had sex with him but with the parents/family being there the chance of anything happening is minimized.

Rebecca - posted on 12/22/2010

7

3

0

To me, it would depend on a number of things. Do you currently have any traditions in regards to Christmas Eve? If you do and she hasn't thought of them and her plans are going to disrupt this tradition, then no i wouldn't let her go but if you don't usually do anything on Christmas Eve, then I don't see the problem as long as she is home for curfew. In regards to Christmas Day, I don't see a problem with him spending Christmas Day with your daughter and family this is a perfect time to get to know dd's boyfriend. Yes, they are young but thats NOT to say young love ALWAYS dies and if you don't support the relationship your dd will always remember that. I am not saying let them have sleep overs by any means!

Danni - posted on 12/22/2010

3

1

0

To Bev White. Read her post again. She uses over talking about "boyfriend over for Christmas " too. I really do not think the mother is talking or asking about a sleepover.

[deleted account]

Original poster....where did yo ugo and what did you decide?! I hate it when someone posts a question, and then never comes back for a follow-up!

Priscilla - posted on 12/22/2010

45

17

6

I feel you dont have to break any house rules. However, if your child is trying to be open with you about who she is dealing with in her personal life (because she has one regardless of how we feel), then you can take this as an opportunity to show her that you respect her openness. I would alow him to come so you can get a good look at him, and see what he's about. Raising stepchildren has helped me to understand that our/,y perfect vision of how Chritmas should be is just that...our vision, our persepctive. Your daughter sees her perfect Christmas in a different way. Why not say no to Chirstmas Eve and yes to him coming over on Christmas? You dont have to say yes to both, but you can try and meet her half way. At her age you want to keep the peopleshe dates in clear view, so you can check for warning signs you know she is too young to even recognize and understand.

Crystal - posted on 12/22/2010

16

11

0

I see no problem with her attending their Christmas Eve celebration. Learning about how other people live is essential to becoming a real adult...and dating is to try on the relationship and see if you are compatible...yes she is young but here is a perfect chance for her to see the family in action. and learn important clues as to what she can live with in a mate and his family or not. You have Christmas Day which is perfect time to help her connect the dots of what is important to her in a family situation. She is a budding adult. in 1 year, she is able to vote and to make her own choices. Also you can scope out the young man. If you push hard on this, she will resent it and you have lost a teachable moment.

Carolyne - posted on 12/22/2010

9

5

0

Hi, a few months is a long time when you are 17. I think it is fair if she has Christmas with you and Christmas Eve with his family. My kids are only young so I don't have teenagers, but I can remember what it was like to be 17 (I am 44) and I would let my daughter do it. She will appreciate it and then everyone will be happy!

Yvonne - posted on 12/22/2010

2

25

0

Quite tricky but i have 20year daughtrer old and two girls 7 and 4.So i would tell your daughter that you would like it if she spends some time there christmas eve but comes home to spend time at yours also.She might rebel if you say no so compromise this way.Then have him over another day over christmas.Might be first love thing or real love for her so best you show intersest in her boyfriend and easier hope this helps.x

Jessie - posted on 12/22/2010

333

36

7

I think that if you set the time frame and since she is 17 afterall it makes sense that she would want to spend time with her bf as well. It might not last but I can't see where it would be that upsetting. That is kind of what happens as kids get older. Plus since she will prob. being going to college in the near future this may be an opportunity to see who her choices are in boys and see how she acts with you guys around him.

Danni - posted on 12/22/2010

3

1

0

I think you are being unreasonable. Holidays are for sharing and if they'll be at his family Christmas Eve and your house on Christmas...that shouldn't be a problem. She's 17. There shouldn't be a rule about who comes to your house for Christmas!!
I think the women telling you that you should stick to your decision are totally WRONG!
Do you happen to know how his parents feel about the whole thing? Might ask your daughter.
Sheesh...have some Christmas spirit here, lady! It's not like she's asking to go away for a weekend with him.

Melissa - posted on 12/22/2010

2

30

0

I'm not sure if I'd say Old Fashion, but its a reason she want's to bring him over to meet her family. Maybe talk to her about why they've decided to meet each others family during the holiday. They maybe ask if he could come over after Christmas Dinner.

[deleted account]

It's not about being old or new fashioned. It is normal for Teens to prefer the company or their peers. She isn't breaking any laws and it won't corrupt her morals and it let's you interract with them together, which is a good thing. Tell her how you feel and let her make the decision because this can be great practice making decisions with minimal consequences. If you decide to do something fun while she's visiting with the boyfriends family then she misses out if she makes the decision to go to his house. You cannot loose with this approach because it keeps you from being selfish

Bev - posted on 12/22/2010

138

0

0

I just saw the 'over' part - no, that is not appropriate at all...visit, yes, sleep over - NO!

Rachel - posted on 12/22/2010

1

15

0

I think that you should let her go there on Christmas Eve during the day, but it is inappropriate for her to spend the night. Let her go for a few hours, and then pick her up so she can be with her family on Christmas morning. Even though it's probably not a big deal to you for her to go, I'm sure it is to her. I think it's best to pick your battles and give in for this one. It's not worth the fight during the holidays.

Jo-Anne - posted on 12/22/2010

1

0

0

Times have changed! You should let the boyfriend come over on Christmas and your daughter can spend some time with his family on Christmas Eve. As long as he is a good person and treats your daughter well than thats all that matters......Enjoy the holidays..

Bev - posted on 12/22/2010

138

0

0

Funny, I just found out a friend of my kids' does not have anywhere to go so I invited him to join us for the entire day...hope he likes lamb!

Frances - posted on 12/22/2010

3

10

0

I think it's ok. She will spend Christmas day with you. My mother was married at 17!

Donna - posted on 12/22/2010

10

0

0

I think it is fine to include him. What a way to truly show the holiday spirit. Invite him and go to church together!

Gloria - posted on 12/22/2010

7

0

0

When you say spend over does that include the night . Or just spending time with family .You are the parent of your daughter , you make the choices girl . I can see if she was going over to spent the Christmas Eve with the family but not over night .I would say the same with your home , I also respect marriage to be pure also . That is a dream things happen or mistakes happen . We are living in a world full of mistakes are made . We as parents have the right to protect our children as long as we can but teach them right and wrong . None of my daughters were allow to bring their boys friends home over night but were allow to visit only in the living room , never to the bedroom . Your the mother , not Old Fashoion as you put it . and it is your family home .

Kala - posted on 12/22/2010

4

24

1

How long have they been together? maybe after she has christmas and stuff with your family, maybe they can hang out but i agree with you.....

Momof1 - posted on 12/22/2010

528

0

17

Hmmm.... I think it is fine. It's not like she wants to spend Christmas with him and his family instead of her family. Just Christmas Eve. I think it is a nice way for everybody to get to know each other. However, if you have already met and have valid reasons for not liking him, that is a different story. It just seems like she wants to spend an even amount of time with everybody. Maybe you can tell her he can come over for 2 or 3 hours on Christmas, or just for dinner. I wouldn't get into a fight about it (or try not to) because next year she will be 18 and if she isn't living at home and she has a boyfriend, she may not even want to come over. But I would NOT let her spend the night.

In the end, it is up to you.

TIFF - posted on 12/22/2010

1

44

0

I THINK IF I WAS YOU I WOULD ALLOW THE BOYFRIEND TO COME OVER AND MINGLE WITH THE FAMILY. IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SEE WHAT AND WHO YOUR DAUGHTER IS HANGING OUT WITH. ALL THE GOOD AND BAD MANNERS WILL COME TO LIGHT.
WELL I WOULD ALLOW IT BECAUSE I PREFER IT DONE IN FRONT OF ME RATHER THEN IN ANOTHER HOME.

Bev - posted on 12/22/2010

138

0

0

My son is 18 and daughter is 17. I have always extended an invitation to any of their friends who either have no place to go or want to come to our house. I get to know their friends that way. This year my daughter's bf is in from college and I told her she could go out after family stuff on Christmas or she can go to his place. His parents do not know her and therefore do not like her (I know, very silly) but bf is determined. I know him and they have done a great job with him so they can't be all bad...lol. I see nothing wrong with setting boundaries but do allow him to come as it is their home and friends should be welcome - my .02..

Tammy - posted on 12/22/2010

12

6

0

I don't see a problem here. Boyfriends and girlfriends of members of my family often spend part of the holiday. Afterall it is Christmas, which is about love and understanding. If it is your tradition to celebrate on Christmas eve then I can see your reluctance to have her somewhere else but otherwise I think it's a nice idea to share the holidays with others. Afterall it's probably only a few hours on either day.

Maxine - posted on 12/22/2010

6

21

0

Well my daughter is 15 and she just started seeing a young boy, I must say he is a good guy , has 2 parttime jobs and does good in school and yes has a car.I was concerned with all of the above but we talked and set guidelines and we worked it out.I have given her permission to spend Christmas eve with his family, but for Christmas day she has to be with my family until all celebrations are over. She is not to keep bothering me to leave so she can be with him, I have also took her feelings into consideration and have told her that she can spend time with him in the evening on Xmas day.As for him coming over I don't see anything wrong with that, just give her a time when it is convenient for your family and get to know him. I try to keep a open conversation at all times and I let him come to spend time here at my house, I want him to feel comfortable enough so that I can momitor how he is treating her.You have to give and take, if you don't she will try to make your life miserable.So give a little and keep an eye on them and have an open mind but set ground rules and it will all work out.So far so good for us wishing you all the best Merry Christmas &Happy New Year

Val - posted on 12/22/2010

6

6

0

I am a grandmother now and this is a problem that has been around for years.. let her go for Christmas Eve to see his family, but no staying over she must come home.. and the same on Christmas day he comes to you but returns home. no staying over... that is the solution if she makes a fuss about it. then is the time to say I have met you half way now you must do the same... I have never allowed my childrens partners to stay over until they had been going out for a very long time.. I now have two lovely in laws and lovely grandchildren.. the secret is the meeting half way, and only if she kicks up a fuss do you not allow the visit at all.. it is hard to stick to what you say when they kick off. but it does pay off in the end.

Gemma - posted on 12/22/2010

4

37

0

I think give her a little bit of your trust, she wants to spend Christmas day with you (her family). At least she is being honest with you, that's great many teens would go off and do as they please. Compromise say her bf could visit for abit once the Christmas dinner is over, that way she spends time with her family and gets to see her bf. She is in love and clearly doesn't want to be apart from him. If you decide when she can and can't see him it could create problems for you and her. Hope it works out for you and your daughter, have a lovely Christmas.

Tiara - posted on 12/21/2010

3

0

0

i think you are, imean she is 17 and next yr you dont want her to be in the mindset of "im 18 and can do what i want" because you are being all old fashion this year true they havent been togeather that long but they have some feelings for eacother and want to spend the holidays togeather.Do you want her to be all mad and not wanting to be around her family because you dont allow her to spend a few hours elsewhere?i say its a fair compromise i mean let her gofor a few hours it dosent have to be all day and if you dont she will just be on the phone with him all day

[deleted account]

I don't see why it should be a problem. It's better than her running off to some unknown place with him. My sisters' boyfriends often spent the holidays with us. It was always a lot of fun. Especially since you get to hear some new stories for once.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms