Is it okay for my mother-in-law to keep certain toys?

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

My mother-in-law keeps my stepson's toys who is 8 that she buys for him at her house away from my 2.5 year old and 7month old. It makes me upset but I dont know if I should be or not. Is this going to cause animosity between siblings and how should I approach this situation if I should at all?


[deleted account]

okay, obviously I dont think I explained the situation very clearly. No I do not think it is okay for a 2 year old and a 7 month old to have the same the toys as an 8 year old. However, when my 2 year old is expected to share his toys with the 8 year old at Grandma's house and he is not allowed to play with the 8 year old's toys then the same respect should be applied to the 8 year old. That is fine if she wants to make the rule of each have their own toys at her house but that is not the case. The 8 year old is allowed to play with the 2 year old's toys at her house but the 2 year old is not allowed to play with his toys. When the 8 year old is at home, he is told that if there are any toys that he does not want the 2 year old to play with then he needs to put them in his room and the 2 year old knows not to play with those toys. The 8 year old does not take care of his toys and leaves them in places for the 2 year old to get a hold of. In other words Grandma is saying that since you dont show any responsibility and dont take of your toys, you can keep them at my house and I will take care of them. It seems to me that the sense of mutual respect for each other's toys is being undermined by Grandma. It would be fine if all the toys that Grandma bought were kept at her house but you are not teaching the 8 year old to take care of his own personal belongings and respect other's toys. I understand that the 2 year old and the infant cannot play with the 8 year old's toy. The point has been completely missed. I am not an idiot. I am talking about mutual respect in sharing toys. I have personally witnessed a lack of mutual respect at playgrounds and in the general public.This obviously is not a website for me. Thank you all for your feedback.

Debbie - posted on 06/23/2011




The real question is why are you so upset? You have 3 kids and toys could add up at your place faster than you can turn around. You might need to ask her why she keeps them at her place to clear up any misunderstandings. As for the siblings, I wouldn't worry. As long as they have some toys to play with, they should be thankful.

User - posted on 06/23/2011




Is she doing it for safety reasons, such as they've got very small pieces like Lego or something like that?

Tyrae - posted on 06/23/2011




If she is buying the toys I don't see the problem. Are the other kids going over there to visit too and not getting any toys? That would cause a problem, if they aren't going to visit then there shouldn't be a problem.


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Medic - posted on 06/23/2011




I see where you are coming from, g-ma is playing favorites and not applying the same rules to all the kiddos. I would be upset about that and talk to her about it. I have a 4 year old and a 16 month old and they share 90% of their toys but they each have a box of toys that is only for them...granted right now I choose what goes in the babys box but it is more to remind my 4 year old that the world does not revolve around him and his sister deserves the same respect he wants. My parents only have toys that both can play with but they have books that specifically belong to one or the other which is fine. I think this is more of an issue of different rules applying to different kids. There is a way to make the rules the same across the board even if the little ones don't understand yet.

Amy - posted on 06/23/2011




I agree that the 8 year old should not have to share his toys with a two year old. First of all an 8 year olds toys are probably not appropriate for a two year old, they have much smaller parts that pose serious choking hazards for a two year old. I also agree with Brianna that it's highly unlikely that the 8 year old would even want to play with the two year olds toys, and if he is playing with them is it because he's trying to keep the two year old entertained? My 5 year old has separate toys from my 15 month old that he doesn't have to share but he has to keep it away from her! I honestly think you are taking it too personally that he can leave toys there that he doesn't have to share, just out of curiosity what is it that the 8 year old has that you want the two year old to play with?

Brianna - posted on 06/23/2011




umm ur son is 8 do u expect him to be interested in the same toys as ur 2.5 year old? 2.5 is to young to play with lots of small toys that a 8 yr old would love. im surprised that u dont have sperate toys that ur 8 yr old can play with by himself sometimes

Lissa - posted on 06/23/2011




I have to say my eldest is 14 my little ones are 5 and 6, the rule about his room was they are not allowed in, not allowed to touch his toys unless he is with them and gives permission. Although we want all our children to share the simple fact of the matter is a toddler/baby can and often will rip books and break toys that are not sturdy. It's not fair to an older child to let little ones play with his much more breakable stuff so I understand where Granny is coming from. How about explaining to Gran that you don't want the little ones to feel left out and suggest that they all have Grans house toys. Then they can all have special toys that just stay at Grans.

[deleted account]

She does buy the other kids toys but she asks him if he wants to keep them there so the other kids wont mess with them. She does buy more for him on a continuous basis. Also I thought at first it was a safety issue but it includes books and other perfectly acceptable things. I do believe that each child should have their own things that are special to them. She is not teaching him to share his toys with his siblings when my kids are expected to share their toys with him

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