Is it rude if I don't invite him again?

Jennifer - posted on 03/29/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )




My son who is in 1st grade, has had a good friend since pre-k. The other boy's mom has invited my son over a couple times and my son has even spent a couple nights at their house. I have no problem with the family, they are very nice, and trusting. My biggest problem is when I try to invite the other boy over to our house. The first time I tried to invite him over, was when they were still in pre-k. The boy refused, because he was afraid to be away from mommy. I could understand that, since the mom was a stay at home mom his whole life, and he had never even spent a night away with a grandma or anyone (I did only ask for a couple hours during the day and not the night to start with). Also, it was very traumatic for him that year, because his mom got very sick and had to spend a week in the hospital. That scared him so much, and he became even more afraid to leave her side. After that, we moved into a different house (same school district) and then I became pregnant, and had some complications. Once I had the baby, she had some health problems, and I didn't get around to asking the boy to come over until Jan. this year. I figured it had been 2 years since I had last asked and he should be over the whole mommy attachment. He agreed to come spend the night at our house for my son's birthday. My son was so excited and happy. When the boy came, he didn't want his mom to leave. I don't think she was out of the driveway for even 30sec, before he sat on our couch and refused to do anything. I tried to tell him that he didn't have to spend the night if he didn't want to, but that my son would be so happy, if he could at least stay for a couple hours and play. He wouldn't even do that. He started crying, and I had to call his mom. She came back and got him. All this left my son in tears. He was so incredibly upset, that it took almost the rest of the day for me to get him to smile again! Would it be rude of me to not invite the boy over to our house again, even though my son still goes over there? The boy is very nice, and a great friend for my son to have, but I feel like if I invite him, then the mom feels bad, because he won't stay (she appologizes a lot for it) and my son's heart gets broke.


Amy - posted on 03/29/2011




Why don't you invite the momto stay with the son. You guys can relax and talk and the boys can play. Maybe after a couple times with mom staying there he might feel comfortable in the environment for mom to leave him for awhile. Even if you dont know the mom that well you'll find something to talk about and I know personally any adult interaction is welcomed!

Medic - posted on 03/29/2011




Why don't you just talk to the mom and just extend an invite and tell her," we would love to have ______ over whenever he feels he is ready for it. We don't want to push him into it, but I feel bad always having my son over at your house." That way the mom knows it is an open invite and that your not just letting your son go over there. You might also find that maybe all of ya'll doing something together every so often might help. Even if it is just the park or pool or something.


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Stifler's - posted on 03/31/2011




Yeah I wouldn't bother inviting him by himself. Invite the mum for coffee and a playdate though since he's your son's best mate.

[deleted account]

If your son really likes this kid and you can handle the mom.... inviting them both would be a great way for you both to have some friend time.... and the boy may become comfortable enough to stay w/OUT his mom.

Gwen - posted on 03/31/2011




I say invite the poor kid again. My best friend did this when we were kids...and she had spent the night a million times! She went through a really difficult homesick phase. My niece is 10 years old and still gets anxious sometimes for her mom. She's even called to go home at night from Grandma and Grandpa's house...a place she knows and loves. Start out gradually. Invite him to the park w/ his mom, then to your house w/ mom, then a short visit w/out mom, etc. etc.

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