Is it rude to ask for money, gift card, savings band rather than a toys for a 1st birthday party?

Raminder - posted on 01/30/2011 ( 248 moms have responded )

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We are having a huge birthday party for our son and i wanted to know if it is rude to put on the invitation that we would perfer money, gift card, saving bond rather than a gift (toys), because my son has so many toys and cloths from Christmas. if so, how would i word it in the invitation?



Thank you,

Raminder

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248 Comments

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Reema - posted on 02/09/2011

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I totally agree with all the above,,, dont ask for what u want and except it in a nice way and then either re gift or let ur child play with one new toy.. its his/her birthday any way... Spoil them.. Why not.. they are not going to be kids forever... and they are luckily to have ppl and friends over to celebrate and parents like u to throw them a party... so move on...

Sue - posted on 02/09/2011

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I think good friends would understand, but not so sure about others they may think it a bit cheeky, this is a problem when the birthday is so close to christmas, hope the party goes well x

Lika - posted on 02/09/2011

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This is kind of a toughie, because it can come across awkward. You could put a note such as "no gifts", or maybe list a list of hobby stores or book store instead, because you'd rather go for hobbies instead.

What I do is, have the party at this arcade... it's privately owned inside the Mall, and you reserve the party corner for 2 hours, bring your own food, and they give you a bunch of tokens. What's nice is, the kids have such a good time, most of them don't care about the gifts. So, it makes it kind of nice, when you can say "in lieu of gifts, please bring extra cash for tokens for your children". Most of the time, they share with the birthday kid anyway, or end up sharing the tickets. But I think gift certificates and what not are nice too.

Maybe with the invitations, have a registry set up for what specifics you want for your child.

[deleted account]

I agree with the "No gifts are necessary" disclaimer others have suggested. It might come across as a bit rude to ask for money, but when having personal conversations with people who ask might be the opportune time to drop the hint... "We're really hoping to get him "x"..." or "We'd love contributions to his college fund!"

I know it's a tough place to be - good luck to you!

Nanci - posted on 02/08/2011

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I personally think that this is a double edged sword so to speak. I think that it depends on the situation of you and your child. What I mean is this; My son has an ASD(Autism Spectrum Disorder). He always has been very specific on what he plays with and won't play with. Until he was diganosed he had all kinds of toys and a lot of them. He never played with 3/4 of them. He only played with certain toys. I had to donate lots of toys over the years that were like new and some were never played with at all. My son has very specific things/toys/books that he likes. I don't find it rude in anyway to specify that on an invite as I feel it would be a waste of money and not to mention rude to have someone give a gift and to only have to give that gift away because my son won't play with/use it. Some people find that giving away something you just gave them very rude! I have friends and family that always ask what he likes or could use. I tell them exactly that. I really don't find anything wrong with stating that "gifts not necessary" but also to include a suggestion or two like, "could use...??" or "really enjoys...???" For your child who is only 1 you might not have the same problem as I do. Mine is now 8years-old but I had to start doing this when he was 3 years-old.

Kimberly - posted on 02/08/2011

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I would personally find it rude if I was extended an invitation and on it was told what to give, especially if it was cash. If asked, I think there's nothing wrong with you explaining that he already has so much, but that gift cards or savings bonds would be helpful for that next toy he sees an wants, or to buy an outfit with for the next change of seasons. If you are then given gift cards, I would definitely send an "update" to the giver of the card, and tell them what their generosity purchased. I don't really think it's ok to ask for cash for birthdays like this. Sweet 16... Different story:) Good luck.

Raminder - posted on 02/08/2011

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Okay ladies. I really do appreciate your comments/suggestions/help, but I do not understand why some of you are so upset about me asking the question i asked. I thought this website is to help each other and get ideas about something your not sure about. Its fine some of you think is very rude and some of you think its a great idea, but why get so mad/upset and write some mean words?
Lets just keep it cool and help each other.
Hope you all have a great night!
Xoxo

Carolyn - posted on 02/08/2011

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im just imagining,
Uncle - " what did you get for your birthday?"
1 year old - "fousand ollars" while holding up 2 fingers .....

i mean really ...

Stifler's - posted on 02/08/2011

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"If someone JUDGES you for your choices, perhaps they should not be invited back."



Um there is this thing called etiquette. You can't just write whatever you want and expect people to bow to it and not think it's rude. IMO writing what you want people to give is rude and if you wrote you wanted money or gift cards for your one year old I'd laugh and think WTF and buy them a present they can open for fun on their birthday.

Jacinta - posted on 02/08/2011

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I think if your asking the question.."is it rude" then you know deep down it is.Although you might think that it is practical and somewhat economical to have a party this way.I still do feel very sad for your child for having such a superfictial,materialistic parent.I really do hope your child has a nice party.

Korrina - posted on 02/08/2011

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... I tend to be a lazy shopper so gift certificates and such are up my ally. I do have a suggestion though. You could always open a college fund (bank account) in the child's name and ask for donations to his/her college fund in lieu of gifts. That way the money isn't tied up in cards, like from Walmart, that loose their value over time. An education is a wonderful gift to give a child, even if you only help a small amount. Beats a toy that will be garbage in under a year.

Carolyn - posted on 02/08/2011

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im seeing alot " if its acceptable for a wedding why not for a birthday party ?"



the whole point of wedding gifts are to help the couple start out in their new life together, buy their matrimonial home, have a great honey moon, furnish their home either buy giving furnishing ( including housewares) or giving money etc . Many also hold fundraisers before a wedding such as the stag and doe to fund the honeymoon or help pay for the wedding.



Personally i see birthday parties a little different, a one year old does not need money, especially if he already has so much stuff that he doesnt need anything. also , if you have invited your child's friends, those friends get excited about giving a gift, it can be a whole experience to go out shopping for a present to give to your friend. I havent yet come across a child who didnt enjoy this. Asking children to fork over cash or gift certificates as their gift is tacky and inconsiderate.



if you want to minimize the amount of gifts you dont need, make a registry somewhere with the things and sizes your son does need and share that in the invitation.



i can guarantee a good portion of your guests attending that size a party with the request of cash as gifts, would most likely pass some pretty hefty judgement of greed onto the parents. In all honesty I myself would, and most likely would not attend again.

Amy - posted on 02/08/2011

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Yes, I think it's rude. There are some good suggestions here though and if you don't want toys or clothes, then just say "no gifts necessary", but please don't tell people to give you money or gift cards on the invitation and just mention it if they ask you what they can give your son.

Pamela - posted on 02/08/2011

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It may be considered unusual, but I personally would not consider it rude. You have a right to throw your party what ever way you choose. If someone JUDGES you for your choices, perhaps they should not be invited back. After all, such things are acceptable for weddings, why not for birthdays?

Maricris - posted on 02/08/2011

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I am with Carolyn on this. I couldn't say it any better than she did. :)

Raminder - posted on 02/08/2011

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@ Jacinta - My son will not be missing opening presents. I'm sure there will be many people still giving him toys and clothes that he will open (plus, grandparents always give toys or clothes, even though if u asked for money, gift card or savings bond).
We are expecting about 125-150 guest (about 60-70 families). Do you think one year old going to open all those gift and enjoy? I got your point, but no need to call my son poor my dear? Thank you so much for your input.
Xoxo

Kim - posted on 02/08/2011

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Yes, it would be. HOWEVER, consider this wording, which I used for our son's 2nd birthday: "Rather than the gift of a toy, please consider a voucher for a play date with [your son's name], or a donation to your favorite charity in [your son's name]'s honor." We received several savings bonds, several gift certificates for area bounce-places, a few gift certificates for Walmart and such, a few hand-made vouchers for play dates, and a few charities received donations . . . along with lots of toys. Worked out perfectly. So perfect, I believe we are going to use the same wording for his 5th birthday that's coming up.

Cynthia - posted on 02/08/2011

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I agree with most of the people on here. I would instruct people to not bring anything. One of my friends has the same problem and she puts "We want your presence, not your presents". I think it's cute and it gets the message across. Personally, I don't ask for anything specific but I do have a registry for a couple of people in my family to use because they requested it. They said it makes it easier for them and saves them time. Everyone else doesn't even know it exists. I'm personally "put off" when someone invites you to a party and then asks for only money or gift certificates. The fact is that if your kids don't need anything, they probably don't need any money either. If they do ask you can tell them to get a bond and you will save it for when they get older. I agree with a lot of the people on here that when I do have to buy a gift certificate (usually for those hard to buy for men) I usually end up spending more because I shop all year long and find really good deals.

R - posted on 02/08/2011

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I don't know what my feelings would be. I have felt the same way about being over run with toys and clothes. Both my children's birthdays are a month after Christmas. I also always tell people the next size up in clothes or the size we don't have any of. I didn't have to buy my son many clothes at all until we hit 3T. All the toys that I think we will enjoy went into a closet, so when we do want a new toy, I just go get it out of the closet. Literally from 50 birthday gifts each, they each only opened 1 toy and the one for the bathtub which they share.
While I understand your desire I still think it is kinda tacky. If anything I would phrase it as building a college fund. I would feel more comfortable giving towards something I knew money was going for his future.

Jo - posted on 02/08/2011

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You could always ask for consumerables like nappies (large), formula (specify brand), baby treats that have long expiry dates, baby bath liquid, baby oil, ect and then use the money you save from not having to buy these things for a month or however long it lasts to put away for your bub. These kind of things are always needed for bub and you wont look shallow for requesting for them.

Kelly - posted on 02/08/2011

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I don't think it's rude at all if you ask in the right way, as a guest I would want to know what the child could use, I don't want to waste money,,,,in the invatation I would simply say that no gift is nessary but if you feel the need we would be grateful for savings bonds to help him/her get a great start on their education. most of your friends will call anyway to ask what she/he could use.

Vicci - posted on 02/08/2011

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hances if you have to ask if it is rude you know that it is. Seems to be rather cheeky to "suggest" what to give as a present.

It would serve your child a far better present/lesson to be grateful with what he gets, remember presents should be gifts from the heart, not the wallet. Teach your child to pass on the many extras he has to a homeless shelter or a hospital or put them back for next Christmas to a needy family.

If my child got an invitation to this party we would graciously decline the greed fest

Tara - posted on 02/08/2011

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That is absolutely rude. It is always rude to assume someone will bring a gift. If people ask you what your child would like, THEN you can give a few suggestions, as well as suggest $$ to savings etc.

Charlie - posted on 02/08/2011

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Not to mention receiving things you actually NEED is far better for the environment than piling up the mountains of plastic crap that likely will never be used .

Briany - posted on 02/08/2011

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people should respect that fact that christmas brings alot of gifts already and that toys are expensive and can sometimes be a waste when they are so young. My dd's birthday is in April she got so much for Christmas that i can started telling people no toys or clothes as she has plenty, if anything vouchers or put some money into her account. They are happy with that! Unless the toy is practical like a bike or doll that will last the next three years i have asked for money. Maybe on the invite make a poem out of it or do what you would do for a wedding with a money tree or wishing well???? Good luck and let us know how you went.........

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2011

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I know of some people who ask that in place of a gift to bring some non perishable food that will be donated to a local food bank after the party.

Christine - posted on 02/08/2011

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How can this be rude when all you're trying to do really is not have them buy "stuff" they won't play with or want & it just keeps adding up & then what do I (the parent) do with it? Donate it!!!! If they ask, say a donation to the child's education fund would be nice. Remember to let them know that absolutly ANY donation ($5, 10, 20 etc..) is just fine with you. I know grandparents always want to "give" them a gift to open and that is understandable, but if you want, how about next time at Christmas writing a letter to them & letting them know in ADVANCE that it is the wishes of the parents that instead of...do this please. Christmas presents, sure. Birthdays...how 'bout a donation. If done tactfully & right, I would not see any problem with it. I would have no problem doing that for someone as I can understand how our children really do receive way more "stuff" than they need. OH--set it up so they can donate directly to & maybe even so you won't know the amount, but can see they did donate & then write a thank you card. ??Don't know if you can do this, but that way it's like when you donate at a funeral for "in lieu of flowers..." and you donate to whatever charity or thing they want. They don't have to know the amount, just that you did it.

Cathie - posted on 02/08/2011

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absolutly, that is what i did, but some people don't wven read it so don't be surprised if they bring womething.....another thing when my son was one he got all kinds of toys for older age, what i did was put them away, hide them until he is older and then bring them out.

Mary - posted on 02/08/2011

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I don't think it is a good idael to ask for money or gift cards . You could ask for a donation made for a specific charity in the childs name in lew of gifts .

Jacinta - posted on 02/08/2011

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My youngest son just celebrated his first birthday.The absolute highlight of the day was when it came time to open the presents.Everyone watched in anticipation and because he was so small he had lots of help opening the presents from his older cousins and friends.It brought a tear to my eye just watching their faces as the presents were unwrapped, and made everyone laugh when they played with the boxes and threw wrapping paper about.I always thought that children's birthday parties were about kids having fun.To think that this poor kid will have no memory of opening and playing with presents at their birthday party is pretty sad.It's rude and tacky to ask for money at children's birthday parties.Most people think it, but very few friends or family will tell you to your face.

[deleted account]

I, too, have wanted to do this and was told it was considered rude (and after seeing some replies on here, I guess it is.) We did, however, let guests know that 1.) No gifts were expected, but feel free to bring spare change for her piggy bank; and 2.) Donate to Heifer International (our charity of choice). It was well received and many of our guests brought change for the piggy bank instead of gifts - this has become a tradition over 4 years. We have a divided piggy bank for our daughter - Donate, Spend, Save, Invest - and our guests like choosing where her money goes.

Just an idea!!

Erin - posted on 02/08/2011

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Have you seen this website? It will be the answer to your dilemma!! www.cloverbyclover.com

Alexis - posted on 02/08/2011

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it is ALWAYS considered very poor etiquette to ask for certain things (i.e. money, gift cards); you aren't even supposed to list where you are registered on invitations for showers/parties. such things are supposed to be word of mouth by the party's host. as someone previously said, if you have to ask then it is rude and if you are worried what people might think, then you have a reason to worry. i like the suggestion of donating unnecessary gifts to a children's charity - this also teaches the child to appreciate all of his blessings.

Keri - posted on 02/08/2011

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Many stores (including toys r us and babies r us) have "birthday registries." You could do a registry for your child - maybe put some "traditional" toys he may not have - keep in mind the registry will also usually have something for you to check at the bottom that says "gift cards ok".

If it's really important to you, make these requests to grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle/etc. These people will be more willing to do such things and will most definately NOT be offended when you ask for money rather than things your son may not play with/use for very long.

Adriane - posted on 02/08/2011

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If you have to ask, then it's rude. If you are wondering then Im sure someone will think it is....

Raminder - posted on 02/08/2011

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Wow I'm shocked to see all these wonderful comments from everyone. I really really appreciate everyone's help. I have been reading every comment and got so many great idea's on what we would do with gifts that we think he won't use/need . He is too young and at this time he doesn't care about toys, cloths etc.

This is what i did. I put "No gifts necessary" on the invite and so far many people have asked me what they should get my for one year old son. I told them if they don't mind, please give him a gift card or savings bond or clothes in size 24 month, but did not mention anything about giving cash.

I'm sure we will still get lots of toys and clothes in small sizes, but there is nothing we can do to stop. We are having a huge party and estimating around 125-150 guest.

Once again. Thank you everyone for all your input.
Xoxo

Deb - posted on 02/08/2011

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From what I read....I am very "RUDE" to my side of the family...I ask them to send money to her bright start college fund and provide the bright start coupon to them, or I will tell them cash is Great and I will add it to her Disney Stock acct. My family thinks it is great to provide for her future needs and not buy toys that will be "Landfill" before long. However, for my husband's side of the family.....I say nothing and let them do what they want!!! (I know how to sell on Craigslist)
Bottom line it's your party for your child if someone feels you are rude.....that's what the RSVP is for.....I wouldn't miss them.

Kellie - posted on 02/08/2011

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NO, We asked for vouchers or money for our sons 1st birthday....Most of our family were happy....
Just remind them they will get a heap of toys at xma sand birthdays...and sometimes for no reason ( thanks grandparents!! ) so advised vouchers can be used for clothes or nappies when they are needed.... or even educational things,....if they think your rude, they are not worth inviting :)
Goodluck!

Stephanie - posted on 02/08/2011

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put a small note on the bottom about wanting to open a college fund and would appreciate donations in any amount instead of gifts this year.

Sheena - posted on 02/08/2011

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No not at all you can even add books to the list , put some sort of memo stating that he has lots of toys /cloths at this time and would like to start him a saving account or even collage fund .. i have done it in the past with my son , but still got toys bv people will do what they want if that happen ask for a gift reciept to exchange it .. good luck and Happy birthday to the little one

SONYA - posted on 02/08/2011

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THIS IS A GOOD ONE CUZ ITS NO DIFFERENT THAN A MONEY TREE AT A WEDDING OR ANNIVERSARY PARTY..I WENT TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY THEIR FIRST, AND THE PARENTS ASK FOR A MONEY TREE ON THE BIRTHDAY INVITE...I THOUGHT THAT WAS COOL BECAUSE BABIES GETS ALOT OF TOYS BEFORE THEIR 1 SO NO I DNT THINK ITS RUDE TO ME I WOULD GET A MONEY TREE AND ITS SHOULDNT BE OFFENSIVE AT ALL. AS FAR AS I CONERENED A PARENT CAN ASK FOR ANYTHING ,THAT DON'T MEAN THEY WILL GET IT

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2011

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no i dont think it rude at all. had a few ppl do that and I would as well. why get something that you dont need

Cherie - posted on 02/08/2011

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What we did at our son's 8th and 10th birthdays is we said on the invitation; We ask for cash of which 1/2 is being donated to the Kids Cancer Care Foundation. My boys and I decided in advance who would get the donation, and they could spend the other half how they wished.

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