Is it true??

[deleted account] ( 14 moms have responded )

Do you think the saying 'Once a cheater always a cheater ' is true? Why / why not? And does it change your opinion if the 'cheater' was the woman in the relationship and not the man??

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[deleted account]

No I don't think it is true.........because that's saying that everyone is the same - and they are not.

However if faced with that situation.......I think I would want to know the circumstances, I would also need to look and see if my behaviour in any way needed to adjust (ie a person might be incredibly critical & harsh, or just be too busy caught up in career/kids to be meeting needs of the other partner)
That isn't excusing behaviour at all, but just looking at the whole picture and taking responsibility for the bits that are yours (even if a very small %)
Depending on their attitude would depend on how to proceed. I think divorce/separation often becomes the first option, but this can have far, long reaching effects. Reconciliation/counselling can often reap better rewards. However I would be careful to put in firm boundaries and I'm sure would be slow to trust. However I would expect partner to initiate ways to improve trust between us.

Saying all this...some people will cheat, and cheat again, and again and again......and won't want to change. There is no point hanging around. However I do believe it's worth seeking counselling/support and seeing if a relationship can be worked through - some become better for it.

[deleted account]

I definitely don't agree with the above saying because why people do what they do, in most cases there are valid reasons.Its not necessarily the act, but why they did what they did. What were the motivating factors?My opinion doesn't change, because who labelled men as only being cheaters, so when you hear there was cheating in a marriage, you automatically assume the man was cheating. I absolutely disagree. People (men and women), we are all faced with all kinds of challenges and difficulties in our lives.Its how we deal with it, that kind of separates us from each other. Having said that, I personally feel that cheating shouldn't be a way out of a difficult situation. We should try and work at what the problem in our marriage or relationship is, and try and fix it the best way we can, because in most cases, cheating adds more to the existing problem, because now you sitting with a newer problem, which now causes insecurity and infidelity.
I think we should try to deal with our problems more maturely and cheating is definitely not a mature thing to do.

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Emma - posted on 05/04/2010

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Well before my hubby and i got together one of our questions was have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend, nether of us ever has but we have both been cheated on.
We both have the same opinion which is if your have shown the people in your past relationship's so little respect as to cheat that you obviously think that it is acceptable thus more likely to do it again.
So i would never of married my husband if he had cheated in past relationship's and he would of never married me if i had.

As far as i am concerned there is nothing that justify's cheating if your unhappy fix it if it cant be fixed end it and move on.

So yes once a cheat always a cheat male or female.

Jodi - posted on 05/04/2010

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Thank you ladies. The OP is no longer a CoM member, so I am locking this thread.

Jodi Adams
WtCoM Moderator

Sarah - posted on 05/04/2010

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People deserve a chance, but I have never cheated in a realtionship and do believe that if you are unhappy in your relationship then you should sit down and talk about it, not just go out and cheat which is what some guys do ... I have only ever been in 2 relationships where I haven't been cheated on but a couple after that, they have cheated on me, my opinions on cheats are very strong and I do believe in second chances, but the question we have to ask ourselves that it seems only cheats knows the answer too is ... Why ?

Emma - posted on 05/04/2010

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Well before my hubby and i got together one of our questions was have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend, nether of us ever has but we have both been cheated on.
We both have the same opinion which is if your have shown the people in your past relationship's so little respect as to cheat that you obviously think that it is acceptable thus more likely to do it again.
So i would never of married my husband if he had cheated in past relationship's and he would of never married me if i had.

As far as i am concerned there is nothing that justify's cheating if your unhappy fix it if it cant be fixed end it and move on.

So yes once a cheat always a cheat male or female.

Sarah - posted on 05/04/2010

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My husband had a very unhappy first marriage, and did cheat on his ex wife. We are very happy together, and he doesn't cheat on me.

So no, I don't think once a cheater always a cheater applies.

[deleted account]

I believe for the most part it is true but i also think its not for some it takes the one time to realise the hurt and pain that was caused to your other half it takes that person to see there action was wrong to apologize and to tell you what there going to do to make it better and showing you the have changed.I believe people deserve a change, once shame on them twice shame on me.After the second time if there is one its time to end the relationship as there clearly isn't one to be had anymore.

Sarah - posted on 05/04/2010

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My opinion would still be the same all the way ... My ex cheated on me, not once but 4 times and I couldn't take enough, he was a cheat and always will be .. Nothing will ever change in him ..

Sherre - posted on 05/02/2010

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If a women cheats, it's usually because she's missing something from the man emotionally or mentally, sometimes physically but most men cheat because they feel the NEED or WANT to.

Fiona - posted on 05/02/2010

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Nope, I dont think so. Each relationship gives you something different and some are not fulfilling enough to get our full attention. Sometimes, if there are too many holes (even in a good relationship for a short period of time) you can be tempted to stray. In the right place, with the right person, you don't.
The other thing is that I think that women, in particular, tend to seek emotional support outside of the relationship if things are not good emotionally in the relationship.

Women, statistics say, cheat more than men do. I wonder how they measure that myself, and always thought maybe women just tell the truth when asked :)

*Lisa* - posted on 05/02/2010

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To be honest when I think of the 'cheater' in the relationship I always think in my head it must be the man. I guess it's always portrayed that way on television. I think it's just like any other problem people face that trap them up. Anyone can change if they want to so no I don't think you should be labelled a cheater for the rest of your life. However, there are those people who will continue to cheat because they have no conscience.
And Jen, I'd be alarmed if my husband was lying a lot... how can you trust him??

[deleted account]

How can you trust someone that lies? If there aren't children involved I'd say get out......you don't know where you stand when someone lies.

Jen - posted on 05/02/2010

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myman cheated on his ex but we ave bin togeather 3 yrs n he hast strainned even tho he does lie alot

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