
Altina - posted on 12/07/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )
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I'm not a mother, but my boyfriend has 2 young children from a previous relationship, aged 3 and 4. I think his ex- girlfriend still loves him and wants to be with him but he insists that he doesn't want her. My problem is, though, that he seems to bring her up often and I just found out recently that they are texting and I'm pretty sure that they're not discussing visitation agreements. Another thing, she told him that he couldn't go over to her aprtment to see the kids if he was still dating me, so he's been lying to her and saying that we're not together anymore. This really bothers me because although I believe that he should definitely do anything to see his children, I don't think he should have to lie about our relationship status just to do so. His ex is so manipulating and the sick part is that he just goes along with it. He knows that she wants him back and all he says is "well, I gotta do what I gotta do to see my kids." Am I wrong for being upset? He already has visitation every Wedneday and every other weekend but he says he doesn't have the money to drive back and forth because she claims she can't afford to provide half the transportation (even though the agrement states that she has to) so he wants to be able to go over so he can tuck them in at night and if she knows about us then she won't let him. Is it just me or does she definitely want him back?? It just doesn't mak any sense to me. I'm not even there so why does it matter if I'm dating him or not? I don't want to seem insensitive but he needs to put his ex in her place instead of letting her run our relationship. Any thoughts?
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Yes,you shouldn't get involved with this custody issue. 2 - He needs to go to court and file for visitation rights **and** make sure he is paying child support regardless if he sees them or not. That is essential regardless of the Maury Povich type-drama about she still wants him, blah blah blah.
You see, that type of thought process does the children ZETO good.
Also, if he's willing to lie to see his children, he's not being that great of a father figure because he's lying to everyone. - including you.
BTW, she is not running your relationship - HE is doing that all on his own. Place the blame where it belongs. He made 2 children with her and then left. That means his kids are getting him only on a very part time basis and adding you to the mix is just adding fuel to the fire.
Just pay close attention to this. If he has a child with you and then you break up, what makes yiou think he won't behave the exact same way with the next woman.
I have no doubt you are a lovely person and want to love these children as if they were your own no matter how little you see them.
Lacye - posted on 12/07/2012
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Just another bullshit excuse. He can easily go and get help from Legal Aid. That is what my husband did and all he had to pay was like $45 for court fees. There is no reason why he should be staying over at his ex's house.
Lacye - posted on 12/07/2012
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Honey from the sound of it, he is stringing both of you along. In my opinion, he's not just going over there to see the kids.
Another thing, if he can't afford to pick his children up on the days he's supposed to, how exactly is he affording to go over there several times a week to tuck them into bed at night. If he has a custody agreement with her that says he can see the kids on certain days, he should not have to lie to her and say that he's not seeing you when in reality he is. To me, he's giving you a bullshit excuse.