Is my fiance

Hope - posted on 09/20/2009 ( 56 moms have responded )

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Need opinions well the one issue is we thought that our daughter has the right to meet their half brothers, my fiance asked his ex wife if it was ok if we drove up so they can meet their half sister and she said NO WAY its like she is denying the fact they have no half sister and someone took a pic of our daughter off his profile and gave it her and she is saying it would upset his oldest son to much cause he always wanted a older sister. I would think he is going to be more upset if he knows and can't meet her. My other wonders is she won;t let my fiance talk to his own sons on the phone when he does call she tells the sons its the boogy man. And yet she gives him a guilt trip, Or they call him at work and stir crap up by telling him his son maybe dying and not give him any info..what do you guys think of all this? She up and divorced him and when we got together she decides to tell him she wanted to live under the same roof and work things out..he said NO WAY in HELL cause he does NOT trust her at all. Just would like opinions on this..for one some people said that we should just go up to where his ex is and take our daughter up anyhow to meet her half older brothers. They have a right to meet her.

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Sharon - posted on 09/21/2009

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You don't need a lawyer - you need a court appointed mediator. It should be in the divorce decree that he gets to see the kids on such & such days, weeks, or holidays. all he has to do is call the police and say his ex-wife is interfering with court ordered visitation and ask what he should do about it. Most likely they will meet him at her house and escort him to the door and tell her she is breaking the law.



I've heard most of those super spastic controlling women end up being arrested and losing physical custody - which just tickles me pink! Nut jobs!

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2009

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One word: LAWYER.



If your fiance is wanting access to his kids, and the ex is not allowing this, I am assuming there is no contact/visitation order in place? He needs to get one now. Not only do the boys have a right to meet your daughter, they have a right to know their father, and their father has a right to spend time with them.

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Holly - posted on 09/27/2009

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You should start keeping a calendar/journal with the details in Elizabeth Ornbaum's reply. I work for a family law attorney and he advises all of our clients to do this. If you can not afford an attorney there should be a legal aid service in your county that you can contact who will get all of your information and send this information to a local attorney who will represent you. You can also go to the courthouse library and see samples of all documents which you might need to file if you are going to represent yourself, however, I strongly recommned hiring an attorney. Some attorneys will even work with you on paying their retainer/hourly fee.

Justine - posted on 09/27/2009

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For 1 thing if they were married and he pays child support, he has every right to see his kids, however if they were not married, things get more complicated. You say that they were married so there should have been an agreement in the divorce as far as the kids were concerned and if his ex-wife is going against that, she will be in breech therefore your man can contest it in the family court. It is however a very drawn out process and can become nasty and very costly with lawyers. As far as your daughter is concerned, I would not just go to were his ex stays and try and introduce her to her brothers, because it could be quite a scene if the mother is denying any access so far. She could become nasty while you are there and you do not want to scare the living daylights out of your own child and even cause any distress on your child or psychological problems.....If your mans children know that he loves them, then they will not believe anything his ex says and could very well tell their mother at a later stage that they wish to live with their father.



You have to be the bigger person in all this mess and realize that the ex is obviously either still in love with your man or is wishing she hadnt done what she did and is now using the children as a weapon against him.



You dont say here whether or not he has visitation with the children, that should have been set out and if he is keeping up with his end of the deal by paying child support then she has no right to keep the children from him what-so-ever.....



I would discuss it with your man and put some money aside for legal battles and then take her to court and make sure that there is something put down in paper about his visitation rights.



Don't be surprised if the kids dont like you or your daughter as they will most likely be jeolous that your child is now living a happy life with their father and they are not and from experience children can be very cruel and psychologically damage your daughter in the process, by telling her that you man is more their father than theirs or something along those lines so monitor the kids together if it comes to that......



Hopefully things will come right on their own without going to court.....He can also request from the School to let him know about his childrens progress because of the animosity of the mother and the School has to inform him as well.



Hope things come right

Justine

Teresa - posted on 09/27/2009

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Hi Hope,this sounds like a horrible situation for you and your family to be in, I can see that you have had some advice already on what you might do, for the children there is a lot of mixed messages going on so maybe you need to take some time out and maybe see how they are feeling in all of this? perhaps contact a charitable mediation service that works with families who can mediate on your behalf ?or alternatively if you and your partner have other family members that could mediate for you on your behalf? you will have to let go of a lot of the stuff she is doing ( the guilt trip she is on as you say) to be able to work out as a family exactly the best way forward for you and the children where everyone feels they have a voice and get heard. Just dont do anything on the spur of the moment and take some time together to think it through for the children as much as for both of you, good luck with the mediation .

Shirley - posted on 09/27/2009

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Hi, this is very sad. It sounds like u got ex wife syndrome pet! She is jealous he moved on with his life and is happy. She expected him to pine for her and come back. She wont admit to loving him but obviously isnt over him. All u can do is feel sorry for her sad to say and hope she moves on to happiness.

** In the meantime have your man see his solicitor as he has legal rights to see his children and even have them for weekends, holidays etc which would allow them to spend time with both of you and get to know their new sibling. His ex wife cannot stop this and if she does try and interfere the courts will deal with her. His children from his first marriage will only have a say in the outcome if they are over 13 yrs old - their point of view will be taken into account whether they want to see him. But ultimately the ball is in your mans court. Its unpleasant but it can be dealt with without too much confrontation.

Been there pet when my stepdaughter was 2, shes now 18. It got resolved and his ex wife moved on from him - but then so did 5 yrs ago and my stepdaughter is still as much a part of my life now as she was then.



Best of luck

x

Katie - posted on 09/26/2009

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1) I think you should deff. get a lawyer and fight for rights. 2) It's sounds like this lady is a looney toon. & 3) I don't mean this the wrong way, but have you thought of this. Maybe the bro's would think that daddy has another kid and he don't love us as much because he aint around. (Or maybe that is what she would/is telling them). I def. think they should have the right to meet her. Maybe you should talk to them and see how they feel befor you take your daughter in. They may say something that would hurt her or scare her. Hope this helps you out.

Joanie - posted on 09/26/2009

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don't storm to the door . remain calm. we want HER to look like the crazy person. maintain your grace madame. the laws are clear as day. Get a copy of his divorce decree, and continue in the manner stated by Elizabeth *(see above)* it's key to log every bit of information. every attempt at contact... set up a recorder on your phone and record phone calls. show up to pick up the boys on his set visitation days. and if she doesn't comply, call the non emergency line at the local police station and request assistance. i feel sorry for the children in these situations. and sometimes the parents are too busy being catty and selfish to even notice the effect it has on their wellbeing. i'm lucky my children aren't from a broken home, and never will be. and the "first wife" is tossing thoughts around in her head about "the other woman" raising their kids."which is a scary thought for a mother as well. although acting in the manner she is is simply unacceptable and mentally taxing on the children.. Good Luck to you Hope. Try to take the high road on this one. a firm but gentle hand will diminish all that is bad. and those around you will take notice.lead by example.getting angry about it won't help anyone. especially your relationship.

Tanya - posted on 09/26/2009

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i know how u feel i am in the same boat as u an my husband has 3 kids by his ex wife an she makes my life hell all the time she wont let me by the kids an i have a 21 months old that knows her brothers an her sister but i am also pregent with my second child an i am afrid that the new baby wont be abl to meet her brothers or sister because she is a real butt an my husband wont even try to fight her he gives in to ever thing she says an i think that is messed up but there aint much i can do about it but if i was u i would try to fight his ex- wife so u can see guys an she his son an he can see his littel sister because i think that would be messed up in the long run

Tanya - posted on 09/26/2009

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u can get one that dose payments or go to the court house an ask them about wat u can do about getting vistation rights

Kimberly - posted on 09/26/2009

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Sometimes you just have to leave it be if she is going to use her kids as a pawn its not worth it. If he doesn't get court ordered rights it may just be better to not have any contact with them til there 18, then explain it to them. She is just abusing her kids in a way and its really not fair to them.

Veronica - posted on 09/26/2009

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Quoting Hope:

Is my fiance

Need opinions well the one issue is we thought that our daughter has the right to meet their half brothers, my fiance asked his ex wife if it was ok if we drove up so they can meet their half sister and she said NO WAY its like she is denying the fact they have no half sister and someone took a pic of our daughter off his profile and gave it her and she is saying it would upset his oldest son to much cause he always wanted a older sister. I would think he is going to be more upset if he knows and can't meet her. My other wonders is she won;t let my fiance talk to his own sons on the phone when he does call she tells the sons its the boogy man. And yet she gives him a guilt trip, Or they call him at work and stir crap up by telling him his son maybe dying and not give him any info..what do you guys think of all this? She up and divorced him and when we got together she decides to tell him she wanted to live under the same roof and work things out..he said NO WAY in HELL cause he does NOT trust her at all. Just would like opinions on this..for one some people said that we should just go up to where his ex is and take our daughter up anyhow to meet her half older brothers. They have a right to meet her.



He will need a lawyer, unfortunatly if he doesnt have any court ordered visitation/custody then there is nothing he can do; he has no right; legally. Also, when he is calling to speak to his child & the ex doesn't allow it or makes slanderous comments about the child's dad he needs to keep that in a journal. That way when he does go to court he has some sort of logged information showing that he has been trying to make the effort & the ex is not allowing it. Good luck, this is a situation that will take a lot of time & effort.

Kwani - posted on 09/26/2009

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I agree with Elizabeth, you need to see a copy of the divorce decree because it would state what visitation rights he has with his kids. As for questioning the paternity of his second child for most states if he was still married at the time and signed the birth certificate whether or not the child is his biologically, he will still be legally responsible for that child untill he is of age. But the most important thing is what the actual divorce agreement states, if it entitles him to visitation, then you need to go back to court, the court will appoint him a lawyer if he does not have the finances to pay for one himself. As for her if she is truly as manipulative as you state it would not be in her best interest to take him back to court herself cause then she would also have to explain why she has been denying him visitation, and if he is paying child support you must understand that visitation and child support are seperate issues. If he was granted visitation, then he is allowed that legally whether or not he is paying child support. Unfortuante the system works for the woman in most cases even if she is wrong but you will never know until you try, so he needs to go up there to see his kids only if he has a visitation order in his divorce decree and when she tell him no, he needs to file a police report and start a paper trail so that when he goes to court he has proof other than his word against her word

Francesca - posted on 09/26/2009

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I'm sorry to say that the Us legal system sucks. My husband has visitation for his other children and his exwife still refuses to let him see them. He has been to court multiple times and they continue to slap her on the wrist and she continues to hide them from him. She has even gone as far as changing her number multiple times so he has no way to contact his children. He continues to pay child support out the a@@ but she refuses to let him have any contact.

Also, he continues to go to the police station every scheduled visitation and has a HUGE stack of police reports of violations but it does no good.

Sheridan - posted on 09/25/2009

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i would suggest going to see a lawyer just to see what he says. Have a look back through the divorce papers. There might be something written in there about visitations. other then that I do not know.

[deleted account]

Several Questions need to be answered first before a comment can be made regarding my opinion. 1st Does your Fiance' have visitation rights or an agreement in writing recorded with the Family Court Div for visitation? 2nd Did your Fiance' ever terminate his parental rights from his oldest children? 3rd If your Fiance' DOES have visitation rights in writing and his Ex Wife is posing a barrier between them, then here is what you should do (in my opinon) Go to the Ex-Wife's home (or where ever the pick up destination is) WITH a CERTIFIED copy of the Decree of Divorce....Once NO ONE answers/ meets you/ or contacts you....you contact your local police office and stat the following, "Hi, My name is _________ I have with me a certified copy of my court ordered visitation agreement with my Ex Wife __________ and I am out front of _________and she refuses to open the door/answer the phone/return my calls, etc. I would like an Officer Dispatched to __________ to assit me to the door so I may pick up my children please. I will wait inside my vehicle until one arrives. Thank you _______" ONE HUGE Important note...You must maintain documentation on all the attempts you both have made to contact this other Mother and WRITE IT DOWN....Date, Time, And what the conversation was or message was. You ARE allowed to use message left of voice mail as evidence in ANY court because the caller knows they are being recorded. Try to get this other Mom to return a call to you and don't answer it....let her leave a message. SAVE all those messages as eveidence for the court. Two things could happen once an Officer come to the place where your Fiance' is trying to pick up the children 1=Nonthing (like if she's home and STILL doesn't come to the door. Ask the Officer to please make an INCIDENT REPORT and ask for the Icident number. Also get the Officers Business card keep it with your notes of what happended THAT day. Your Fiance' can get the paperwork he needs to file a motion with the court online from your county's court webpage OR by going to the court house directly and getting one from the self help section. The Number you will need to put on the Motion is the SAME # your Fiance' Divorce case number on his Decree of Divorce that talks about the visitation rights...example DV02-45672 (DV for Divorce/CV for Civil etc). The 2nd thing that could happen is the Officer speaks to your Fiance' ex Wife and she either allows the children to go with your Fiance (still get an incident number & business card from the officer) OR the Ex Wife can simply say, No the children aren't going at all OR No the Children aren't going at all because "It's not his assigned visitation today".....Remember to get notes together in writing, encluding text message correspondence and voice mail messages for the Motion and attach those to the Motion. Enclude Officer's names and Incident numbers and date/time your Fiance' contacted the Police Department for assistance. Once you have done this and the court see's what has been going on......Your Motion will be looked at and the Other Mom can face Hefty fines AND jail time...In my state and mosts it is a class D Felony to withhold or Deney another parent who has visitation rights and in prisonment can be inforced.

I wish you well. It will be a battle, but don't give up!

Jenn - posted on 09/25/2009

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I am in Canada also, and I know for a fact that he has a legal right to see his children UNLESS it was ordered from the courts that she has full parental custody, which is rare and generally only happens when the other parent is abusive. Even if the non-custodial parent isn't paying their court ordered child support they STILL have a right to see their children and she has NO right to stop him - child support or not. If you truly can't afford a lawyer - go to legal aid - you can get help paying for your lawyer even if you own a home and have a moderate income.

Carissa Marie - posted on 09/24/2009

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The first thing you need to do is have your fiancé go to the court where the divorce took place. Have him get a copy of the divorce decree. This will show both him and you what the visitation rights already approved should be. If she is not following those, then call the police (non-emergency) and tell them the problem. If visitation rights are not spelled out in the decree then you need to get them spelled out. If you dont have the money for a lawyer you can ask the clerk of court if it would be possible to schedule a hearing to determine visitation rights. Many courts wont require a lawyer to do this. Although it is recommended. You need to get visitation rights established first before you worry about introducing your daughter. As far as the things the ex is telling the boys, this will always happen. You will have to get over it. Get regular visitation court ordered and the boys will have the ability to make up their own minds. Now as a caution, I dont know if your fiancé is paying child support. If he is he should have visitation right already set in place. If not, then asking the court to set visitation rights will mostly like also cause court ordered child support. So this is something to consider. All kids have a right to know their parents and siblings, but in this case the boys knowing your daughter may have to take awhile.

Veroushka - posted on 09/24/2009

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Your fiancé has rights as a father. He would need to file a petition for visitation in the state where his ex-wife resides. If he is unable to do so then you need a lawyer. But a lawyer really isn't necessary once the court proceedings star, unless she's making it extremely difficult in court. But you definitely need to start the ball rolling in court. Good luck!

[deleted account]

I think they do have a right to see their sister, but just taking her and attempting it on your own can place you and your daughter in danger. Your fiance should get a lawyer and establish visitation rights (or custody, if's she's that bananas) which will then allow the boys to meet their sister.

[deleted account]

If he is paying for any support for the children then he has the right to see them. I know my husband hates it when I talk about him online, but it blows over because I could just as easily be talking to my g/f about this, so whats better? People you don't know who don't know you from nobody or my g/f and all our friends and family? Regardless of where you live there should be laws n place for the parents to get the help they need. I know our state has many different facilities to help find our paternity, etc. I would ask a place that advocates for children as they should have the knowledge of places that you can go to to figure this stuff out! Especially if he is paying support for the second son, a paternity test should have been done in the hospital!



I would get nosey! Ask him for his divorce papers so you guys can figure out what the legal standing is and then enforce it by whatever means necessary!



I would also add that I don't think just driving to her house to see the boys and introduce them to your daughter is a good idea. If he hasn't even been able to see the boys for however long then THAT will be an issue all in itself! Get the law on your side and get visitation for the boys so you are on YOUR grounds when the introduction is made, otherwise you could be trespassing and such. It would be too emotional if mom's as crazy as she sounds! Could be quite disaterous

Marie - posted on 09/23/2009

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Sweetie.... take it from a woman who has dealt with ex-wife drama for 10 years... it wont change. Some women can't get over the fact that the relationship is over and unfortunately, they put their children in the middle of it. My husband's exwife is so bitter and nasty because she can't have him that it has put a huge wedge in our family. My stepson lives with us because he can't deal with the stress his mother puts on him about his father. My stepdaughter lives with her mom, is 13, and is completely brainwashed. In this day and age, so many people have disorders such as depression, being bi-polar, and just plain crazy.

The main thing I learned was for us to fight for our rights. We have been back an forth in court in order to make things right. It's not always the answer, but sometimes its the only way to get time with children.

You are the new woman and the new mommie... and she can't deal... and she certainly doesn't want to share HER kids with you or their father.

Be the bigger person, don't lower your standards when communicating, and write everything down! No court likes it when a mom keeps the children from a loving father and stepmother. I wish you the best of luck and strength. You are going to need it:)

Kadie - posted on 09/23/2009

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get a lawyer and go to court and have his paternal rights established which will mean visitation with his children by court order that she cant say ahything about and that way the children can all get to know each other

Carrie - posted on 09/23/2009

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I would take your kids up there and them meet and let the boys decide for their selves. I have been there and the longer you wait to do something the harder it will be on them.My stepdaughter is 14 now aher mother would not tell her or us where she was or how call her for 11 years. 'My husband was paying child support and her mom went and gave her to her friend and sign custody over to him and she was still getting child support from us.

Isobel - posted on 09/22/2009

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Quoting Hope:

HAHAHA I am in CANADA!!! Need I say more. The laws here STINK!!!! I don;t know how it is in the states but CANADA..hahhaa they are not soo nice to men in court, even if the guy is innocent. I can understand how mothers are favord cause, and women tend to get away with alot, more then men. our justice system here in canada is terrible.


Where are you in Canada?  I live in Toronto, and I recently went through a separation...the father always has a right to visitation even if they don't pay support...mediation is encouraged throughout the courts, and you can get free legal advice from FLIC (family law information centre) at any court house.  lawyers are rediculously expensive but there are ways around it, you don't need a lawyer to file for visitation rights



oh yeah...read that agreement



and...even if he gets visitation she isn't likely to get any nicer...  good luck

Tammy - posted on 09/22/2009

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He needs to have court appointed time with the kids. The kids have the right to know each other and spend time with there dad. If you do need to get a lawyer go there legal aid if you need to. Hes ex is not doing any good by not letting him see the boys. Hang in there. TC

Kylene - posted on 09/22/2009

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I am not sure were you are from but they also have leagl aid, You or your man needs to call the court house were the kids live or if he pays child support were that is sent. ask them what to do they can be real helpful you just have to be realy nice when you call.

Danielle - posted on 09/22/2009

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When I met my husband, he had custody of his 3 children, and has since day one of his divorce. He had a whole file on his divorce, for instance....custody arrangements, phone time, who gets the kids on what holidays, what each him and his ex-wife recieved from the divorce. Even before we got married, I read the whole file front to back so I knew what I was in for. She is the mom from HELL and fills all three of our kids' heads with crap when she has them, but according to my husbands divorce decree there is nothing we can do about that. But we can set limits on other issues. READ THE DIVORCE DECREE...I can't stress that enough. That is where most of the information you are looking for should be.

Also, I personally would not take your daughter and just show up on her front step to meet her brothers. You don't know what the boys have been told and how bad the situation may be for them. It could end up being very detremental to your fiances' relationship with his sons and to their mental health. I hope that everything works out for you, because trust me I know, ex-wife's can be a major pain in the ass. Just don't let it strain your relationship, because it is always easy to take out your frustrations on the one's closest to you.

Krissy - posted on 09/22/2009

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I kinda understand the situation that you are in. My fiance has a baby momma who caused alot of drama in our life when him and I first met, she use to call and yell at him for all types of stuff, she even went as far as wishing death on us on the highway while we were driving home from our vaction. But one thing that we have come to realize is that as long as we react to her she is going to keep doing it, she tried the whole thing with not letting him talk to his daughter and now when we call if she wont let him talk to his daughter then he just hangs up, staying on the phone with her and arguing is not going to do anything but exactly what she wants to happen and that is cause an arguement and have him stay on the phone with her. I have learned alot from alot of other women that if a woman cant have the man that they want than they dont want them happy with no one else. Playing along with her games is letting her win. Someone has to be the adult and grow up. As hard as it may be it is time that he tells her simply "look I am happy with my girlfriend/wife and if you dont except it then fine but he needs to make it clear that she will never disrespect you and that she needs to realize that the only relationship they have with has to do between him and his son. and if she still doesnt budge then you need to take it to the legal step... one thing my fiance did was stop answering her phone calls. We had her sister call us if his daughter needed anything and when his daughter was with her so he could talk to her, things still arent the best with him and her but she finially stopped calling and yelling about things...

Lakisha - posted on 09/22/2009

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just pray about the situation and allow GOD to move this mountain. Don't try to force it because you don't want her to retalliate in her own way. I will send up a prayer for you and your family. GOD BLESS YOU.

Debora - posted on 09/21/2009

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MY 2ND COUSIN WENT THROUGH THIS WITH HIS EX THERE SHE HAD JOINT CUSTODAY HE GOT IT WHERE SHE HAD TO SHOW PROOF OF WHERE ALL CHILD SUPPORT MONEY WENT.MEANING KEEPING AL RECIETS ON MONEY GIVEN,ALSO HOW OLD ARE HIS OTHER CHILDREN?I KNOW IN CANADA IF THEY HAVE CHILDREN THAT AGE 12 THE CHILD CAN SAY WHERE THEY WANT TO LIVE AND THE COURT HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO ALLOW IT IF NOT PROVEN UNFIT.MEANING IF THE OLDEST CHILD IS 12 AND WANTS TO LIVE WITH YOU THEN ALL OTHER CHILDREN MOVE WITH SIBLING.

PLUS HE CAN ASK FOR A COURT APPOINTED LAWYER +THERE ARE SOME WHO WILL WAIT TO GET PAID UNTIL THINGS ARE SETTLED IN COURT AND YOU ARE BY LAW ENTITLED TO A FREE CONSULTATION.HE CAN ASK THE LAWYER HE USES TO ASK THE COURT TO ORDER HER TO PAY ALL COURT COSTS.

Sharon - posted on 09/21/2009

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oh yeah - there's another thread about anal sex somewhere - we don't care. ask and ask !!

Hope - posted on 09/21/2009

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Generally I noticed women on here do ask personal things..cause I figured COM is like a support group for mothers for someone to talk to.

Sharon - posted on 09/21/2009

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You could say you just asked in a general way - how to enforce a divorce decree - he doesn't need the details. I don't know you from a hole in the street - so he shouldn't care. but men are weird. Good luck.

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2009

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Hope, just don't tell him. Just let him think you came up with the ideas on your own, LOL. I haven't been through the same thing as you, but I have been through custody issues, as have many other here. Have a talk to your fiance, and give him the best support you are able. He is the only one who can make the decisions with this issue, but you can help him :) Take care.

Hope - posted on 09/21/2009

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Well thanks everyone for answering. I just wanted to know what peoples opinions were. to be honest not sure how my fiance would appreciate me telling strangers about his personal business but I just wanted some opinions and if anyones been through the same thing, since this is circle of moms and this is a conversation post.

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2009

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Hope, take the advice. Before you get wound up about it, find out what your fiance's rights actually are. I don't know the laws in Canada either, but you NEED to find out what legal papers have gone through in relations to his divorce, custody, property, etc. Until you have those, there's nothing more anyone can advise you. Even here in Australia, you are not ALLOWED to finalise a divorce unless you have some form of orders for the children involved. I am pretty sure there will be something.

Hope - posted on 09/21/2009

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HAHAHA I am in CANADA!!! Need I say more. The laws here STINK!!!! I don;t know how it is in the states but CANADA..hahhaa they are not soo nice to men in court, even if the guy is innocent. I can understand how mothers are favord cause, and women tend to get away with alot, more then men. our justice system here in canada is terrible.

Sharon - posted on 09/21/2009

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OK I just saw your reply about not knowing what is in the divorce decree. YOU NEED TO FIND OUT. Stop bitching and tell him you need that paper. If he lost it, it only costs a couple of dollars to get a copy from the court house.



I have dated 2 divorced guys. The first guy - had allegations of child abuse, sexual child abuse in his decree. Guess who I dumped? Second guy - my husband - divorced his ex on the grounds that she was unfaithful. No abuse allegations of any kind and a decent visitation schedule that he enforced with the police when needed.



By the time I came along, 8 years later, their divorce and association was all hammered out.

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2009

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I can understand totally where you are coming from. Perhaps you need to choose a time to sit down with your fiance and find out what the legal agreement is. Your fiance may be trying to be non-confrontational and therefore just taking the crap she is dishing out. If you can find out this information, there will be people here who can give you some advice on what steps you could take next :)



Hang in there, it is a very tough job having step-children, but just take it one step at a time. {{hugs}}.

Sharon - posted on 09/21/2009

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Seriously - you need to see the divorce decree. Start with that. Then call the police.



IF she is getting foodstamps or any kind of government aid - he can demand a paternity test. This will hurt the kid. You can do the test on your own for about $70 - $200 - you order a kid online, swab the kids mouth, the fathers' mouth and send it in. Do a search online. Call your local financial aid/foodstamp office and ask what company they use.



You're wrong. This doesn't cost loads of money if you just ask the police to enforce the court ordered visitation.

Hope - posted on 09/21/2009

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Unfortuntly no I don't know too much about thier court agreement but I hate watching him go through this. I hate watching her try to turn his life upside down, and I know she is trying to tear our relationship apart and he's been worried about that..I said "HA HA NIIICE try it won't work and I am NOT going anywhere, so she can try all she wants. But I am glad other people see that she is a MAJOR NUT JOB!!! so is her mother.

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2009

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Hope, before you can take any further steps, you need to know what the original divirce states about the visitation with the kids. Do you know?



I am sure your fiance isn't alone with this. I have been through custody issues, but our system here is different. They automatically assume 50/50 unless stated otherwise in court orders here. If you don't know what is in the divorce papers, and he isn't sure (guys never seem to read these things, and to be honest, if he was distressed about the divorce, he probably signed whatever), then see if he can dig them up and show you.

Hope - posted on 09/21/2009

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Well for one..I know he is not Abusive cause he would have been abusive to me LONG ago..and he certaintly isn't to our daughter..he LOVES her alot..and he does talk about his sons alot too, he kept every card,,and art work from them. He is very gentle with our daughter. Get this when she left him the first time before they divorced she left him around valentines..and then later she comes back and says shes pregnant and then leaves him again...and bands him from the hospital..how f*kd is that? So he questions if the second son is even his and again unfortuntly the paternity test cost LOADS of money we don't have.. god I wish we can just win the lottery..people would be soo screwed. .. Has anyone ever went through similar situation as this? Or is my fiance alone on this?

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2009

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Sharon, I agree, I can't stand women who won't let the fathers see their kids just because. It is disgusting. Kids have rights too.

Hope - posted on 09/21/2009

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Well she makes his life a living hell and makes it hard for him,she is a very GREAT and I mean Great manipulator.she plays the feel sorry for me bit. It frustrates me when he goes through this every so often he gets a phone call that has to do with the boys health. And it sucks he can't afford a lawyer it even cost him to get a legal advice, and we are strapped for money right now, til things eventually get better. I just wanted to know what others thought of this. wanted to know if others agree that he should just take our daughter up anyhow to meet the boys and not even ask. Or is that such a good idea considering she could haul his ass back into court again which she will eventually.

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2009

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Unfortunately I have no knowledge of the laws in the US. I am in Australia, so I know that mediation is required before it can go into the courts systems here. I am sorry if you can't afford a lawyer. Are your fiance's parents in the picture? Maybe they could help? By your fiance gaining access, they would too......

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