Is my Mom too involved?

Ashley - posted on 05/13/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )




I feel like this is a mean thing say. Because I do want my mom to be involved in my kids lives. And i'm glad that she wants to be. My husbands mother wont even babysit for us, she says its just too hard with two of them. Anyway, my mom use to be way super oppinionated about me and my kids and how I raise them. And she would often step in if she didnt agree. I hated it. She has since, backed off quite a bit. However she co.stantly gets angry with me if I take my kids somewhere without inviting her as well. I'm talking places like the zoo, the dairy farm, the apple orchard, or the hands on museaum. We have memberships at almost all of hose places we visit them often, usually more than once a month. Its not like we only go once a year, or once a lifetime. Is it so bad for my hisband and me to take our kids somewhere special and not invite her? We usually do include her, but once in a while we just like to go as our small family. And she gets so mad at me. I dont understand.


User - posted on 05/13/2011




If it's becoming a problem, go to places without telling her you're going.

Blackwood - posted on 05/13/2011




I agree with another post, she maybe lonely, but with that being said, it's not up to you too make her always happy. In the end it is up to her to find her own life and without a doubt still be a big part you yours. If she gets upset, simply say "mom, I know you are upset and I'm sorry if you are feeling that way and I love the fact that you are so present in my and my children's life, however it is very important for our own time as a family and I know becuz you are a mom and not only a grandma you can understand that." Simple, she may not like it,but by making usch a simple statement, you are letting her know, you understand her feeling, appreciate her, but also stating that it's her turn to understand. You are not being mean at all and nothing you said is bad towards her, just the opposite. Best of luck. If you don't say something now for the rest of your life you will be dealing with this and it may really get you to be annoyed with her and the situation. You have to set bounderies with some people and now is the time to do it.

[deleted account]

Sounds like she doesn't want to miss anything -- or she's lonely? Or a controlling person who doesn't like people doing things outside their zone of control.

But you have a right to spend time without her! You're an adult.


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[deleted account]

Maybe she can have a special day with your kids (if they're old enough to be left alone with her) -- just Grandma and the kids day? Once a week, once a month, whatever you like.

Maybe it will ease whatever tensions she has.

Bonnie - posted on 05/13/2011




You shouldn't have to invite her. It sounds like she may have a lot of time on her hands and that's why she wants to be there to have something to do, but she needs to realize that you have your own life with your husband and kids.

Kellie - posted on 05/13/2011




She is controlling BECAUSE she is lonely, and that is NOT your issue. I don't mean that in a harsh nasty way either! You have every right to enjoy your family and go places as a family without your Mum.
Does your Mum have activities she likes to do with friends etc or is she alone a lot of the time? How often does she go with you to these places with you and your family? Would she be open to an honest convo where you could tell her that while you love her and enjoy her involvement in your and your family's life there IS a time for family too? Could you alturnate and go as a family 1 time and go as an extended family the next time?
And no it's so not a mean thing to say!

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