Is sibling jealousy more likely to occur in same-gender siblings?

Nori - posted on 03/10/2018 ( 1 mom has responded )




I had less sibling rivalry issues with my 12 year old son and 18 year old daughter than a few parents with 12 and 18 year old GIRLS. The younger one desperately wanted to have the same freedom and material items (makeup and clothes?) as the older girl. Their parents disciplined them instead of being their "friend" by giving age-inappropriate freedoms. Meanwhile, the 18 year old was annoyed with her pre-teen sister. She was interested in college and nights with friends, not hanging out with middle schoolers. From time to time, my kids had disagreements but parenting them is more individual, one is unlikely to be interested in the other. They don't have as much in common. Could this have to do with having a boy and a girl, instead of having same-sex children?


Ev - posted on 03/11/2018




I can answer this question being a same sex sibling. I have a sister 3 years younger than I and granted we grew up in the 70's and 80's. When it came to preteen years and teen years we were both as different as night and day. We were raised the same--given the same discipline no matter the age. As for sibling rivalry--did not happen. As I said we were very different and had different interests and things. As for makeup and clothes for the different ages were not allowed certain kinds of clothes ever. We wore jeans and shirts that covered us totally and were not interested in the stuff they have now if it would have been out. I was girly and she was more tom-boy.

As for grades in school, we were not competitive. My sis held straight A's until senior year. I did the best I could. Our parents encourage us to do the best we could but did not enforce us to make a certain grade average or anything. We could have been straight C students and they would have been proud of it if we were doing the best we could.

As for the 12 year old girl wanting everything her sis is getting...she wants to be on the same page and it may not really be sibling rivalry. To me it almost sounds like she admires what sis does. And yes, it is going to annoy an older sibling.

I had two kids---7 years apart....boy and girl. My girl was older and she is very close to her brother. They were never rivals. They held each other's backs at all times and got along great though they did have their moments.

My honest thought is this: It does not matter if the kids are same sex sibs or not. If there is rivalry that is going to take place age does not matter either--it is going to happen. Some reasons it is done: 1)one kid feels less attention comes to them from parents, 2) the kids feel like they can out do the other or are better than the sibling, 3)one sib forces the rivalry because they compete all the time, 4) it is the one sib's way of kind of bullying the other.

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