It's like my boyfriend is a different person

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

We've been together for two years now, I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is four. My boyfriend was the sweetest guy when we started dating, he Want the most considerate guy, but he was learning. Within the last few months though, it's like he's not him anymore, he honestly scares me. He used to be a heavy drinker and smoker, but has cut back considerably for me and my daughter because he spends too much money and acts differently when he drinks and my daughter and I are allergic to cigarette smoke. He's been getting worse and worse though with being aggressive and grouchy as well as just not telling me things... About two months ago he was in a car accident that nearly totaled his car when someone drifted into his lane and he slammed into a telephone Pole. He still won't talk to me about it, past the initial telling me it happened, even That took him an entire Month to reach out to me! I was left wondering if he was in the hospital for a week and then when a mutual friend said he was fine I honestly thought he just ran out on us. That month was a living hell.
After that, he went back to the job that he promised to quit because they were literally working him to death, but I was understanding because he needed the money to fix his car and survive. About a week ago, he came to Chicago with me and a friend, on that trip, he was just strange, it started with Him saying things he wouldn't normally say, then after we asked him not to spoil a movie he was going to see before us, he goes and tells us the biggest spoiler of the movie And then laughs it off like it was funny to ruin a movie we'd been waiting twenty years to see. When we got to Chicago, he was like he couldn't control himself, he had his hands all over me and even licked my face, I discreetly declined the advances not trying to make a scene, but it was unsettling and embarrassing.
We brought him over for Christmas Eve to My family's Party, he spent the entire time in the kitchen By himself and then loudly insulted my aunts appetizers Like it was funny. When we got home he Started making religious jokes that were offensive. He spent the night at my parents, the entire next day he was aggressive and grouchy, my daughter would ask to sit in his lap and he'd Snap at her and tell her to sit somewhere else. He Started Oversharing Personal stories about his life with my mom and then started making highly offensive racist jokes. My mom was so appauled she didn't say anything.
We went to his mom's house for Christmas afternoon, he Left me and my daughter alone in the house with His family members we did not know and would be gone for hours at a time. He insulted me in front of his mother saying I didn't know how to talk to My own child and that's why she never listened to me, but that he was better at taking to her than I was and that the Christmas breakfast my parents had made was disgusting and he didn't believe anyone wanted to eat it. Even his mom was offended by this and told him to shut up. On the ride home he just kept talking about things that made me uncomfortable and then would casually say he should probably shut up and then just kept going, saying things like how he just doesn't want to eat anymore and has to Force himself to eat now... After he dropped us off and left, I texted him that we needed to talk and that his strange behavior was alarming me and my family. He said he didn't want to get into it and was offended i'd even brought it up. The whole thing turned into a big fight and I was flabbergasted. He implied that our relationship was not worth fixing and he wouldn't fight to fix it if I didn't call him, which I was not going to have a serious discussion like this in front of my For year old and risk emotionally scaring her, and there was no where to go that she wouldn't hear us talking. Finally after an hour he says he's not talking about it anymore and won't give me an answer about whether or not he even wants to be in the relationship unless I call. So I'm already crying and I call him, he starts yelling into the phone about how inappropriate I am about this and how many times he's thrown his phone across his apartment and that he Had someone else there with him but won't tell Me who and said I need to make a decision about whether or not I want to break up and hangs up on me. By this point, I'm crying so hard, I can't see. I texted him and explained how unfair it was too yell at me and then hang up when he knows I have a crippling anxiety about Making phone calls already. After half an hour he calls me back, still yelling and cuts me off when I start talking starts going on about how I don't love him for who he really is and I'm trying to change him into a different person and never just accept him. Tells me about how he kept throwing his phone trying to break it, but the phone wouldn't break. Claims he apologized for insulting my parenting, when he never actually said anything apologetic about it. Says my parents are awful people and implies it's mine and my families fault that he behaved the way he did, yells at me sOme More, tells me he refuses to break up because me and my daughter are his world and I never fight for Our relationship and says If he had to choose between us and doing stuff he doesn't want to do he might as well already be half dead. And hangs up on me again. Over the next Few days, our conversations were confined to texting and very surface dialogue, if I tried to go any deeper he'd close himself off and disappear again. A few days later he complained about his back hurting from work, I offered to give him a massage, since I'm trained, next time I see him. He says he doesn't want anyone touching him right now and disappeared again. A day later after some more Menial conversation I ask if he had a back brace and if he thinks one would help, he said no because it would feel weird.. I already know he hates doctors due to some childhood Traumas, but I think it's a little ridiculous to refuse any medical attention of any kind. So when I asked if he was willing to risk a serious Injury just to avoid feeling weird, he accused me of trying to start a fight. I said I wasnt trying to start anything but brought it up because I can't bear to see someone I love so much in horrible pain, I tore a disc a few years ago, so I understand crippling back pain. He said he wasn't willing to try it so I dropped it...

I honestly don't know what's going on, I feel like he's Being incredibly selfish Refusing any care and not even considering how that would effect us if something serious happened to him. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I should even try To fix our relationship or if it even could be fixed... Does anyone have any idea where to go from here??? I feel like this came out of nowhere but the damage has been done.


View replies by

Dove - posted on 12/28/2015




If this has all just started after the accident I would wonder if he may have suffered some brain damage from it... but it wouldn't matter the cause to me. I would not subject my innocent child to that man ever again. Period.

Ev - posted on 12/28/2015




I think you need to step away from this one. HIs anger issues alone worry me. He could go off on you and your child the next time he is there and really hurt someone. I also think that you should get yourself to counseling.

Lorraine - posted on 12/28/2015




Honestly, I read the first 5 sentences of your post and had to stop. Get this man out of your life! And break all contact. Over- goodbye- no thank you!

Do it for yourself, do it for your daughter.

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