Just got the words "I'm not your son, your not my mom", thrown in my face.

Liana - posted on 01/08/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I always push my kids to do good in school and never to settle for just a passing grade but to have higher expectations. My stepson barely passed and he was relieved that he passed which was good, but I mentioned to him C's are not acceptable for him not to settle for a passing grade. Well I was just told I'm not your son, your not my mother. Those words hurt... HELP!!

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Jodi - posted on 01/08/2015

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Oh, wow. You are COMPARING him to your child? Way to go step-mom. Sorry, but that just isn't acceptable. You have been in his life for 7 whole months and you've already made him feel like a useless piece of shit. You put yourself in his shoes. Personally, I would have said that to you too.

Not every child is capable of getting A's. You need to understand that every child has different capabilities. I think you need to ask yourself if he made the EFFORT. There are many children who try their hardest and will never get more than a C. To punish for that (such as you have through verbally reprimanding him) when he has been proud of his efforts is a form of abuse, no matter how mild. You just chose to "tear him down". Tearing a child down will NEVER get the result you desire, especially when you are making the comparison with your own son.

Given your position as a step parent for 7 months, you have no right to say these things to him. Honestly, I'm horrified. I wouldn't say this to my own child, let alone my step son (and yes, I do have both biological and step children). And as a teacher myself, I would strongly encourage that you focus on EFFORT and not GRADE as this is the only way you are going to have a child with positive self-esteem and an internal intrinsic motivation.

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Liana - posted on 01/09/2015

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It was never my intention in comparing him to my son I was simply giving him the example that even with a B I was still not pleased when I know they can do better, never did I compare him to my son. And I know it wasn't his greatest effort because I've heard him say to my daughter I didn't study for this or didn't study for that. So I know he can do better. I push my kids because no one else will and I push him as well because I know he has the potential to do better. I understand he has not had anyone push him before as I do. His father does push him but I feel it's not enough. Jacob tends to just settle with just passing grades. I am just trying to prepare him for when he goes off to college. With me pushing him now I will not be there for him in college to push him I want him to be able to push himself to always want to do better and not just settle for the bare minimum.

Liana - posted on 01/08/2015

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I have been his stepmom for 7 months. I know it's a short period of time. Yes we have been getting along well. I treat him the same as I treat my own kids. In the conversation before he said those words he said "your not satisfied with anything" and I said "No, Isaac (my oldest son) would get B's and I would tell him I know you can do better". Jacob, my stepson, was offended that I was comparing him with my son and that's when he said those words. Was I wrong in being hard on him because of his grades? I haven't talked to him yet after he said those words.

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