Keeping my son away from his father because he's bad influence

Nabi - posted on 01/12/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




My son is now 5 and I'm still deciding whether I should keep his father away from him for good but I'm still unsure what to do. I've been living with his father almost a year before he was born and our relationship has always been rocky but I at the time loved that man and after I found out I was pregnant I had tried to make things work for us as a family. Throughout the years this man has disappointed not just me but mostly my son but I bite my tongue and try to put up with it because I don't want my son to be without his father. No matter how bad this man treated my son my little boy always is drawn to him. He'll always tells me that he loves his daddy. Which brings me to tears each time.

I grew up with a single mom and I know just how difficult it is to be both the child and the mother and I really don't want this for my child, definitely not for him to feel the way that I had felt. But, as much hope I held to this man for him to do better he would always disappoint us. It's of course isn't entirely his fault. I'm the one who allowed for all of this to happen. So who can I really blame now?

I don't know who to talk to or where to go. I don't want to burden my mom who's still struggling to live on her own while still taking care of my younger sister. All my other so-called relatives or friends are too caught up with their own lives to bother and give me a hand. I'm not so close with this man's family to really rally for help. I've been a stay-at-home mom who don't have even a H.S. diploma, driver's license or much of job experiences. I'm working my way to obtain my GED and working to get my driver's license right now so that I can get the job that is stable enough for me to move out on my own to take care of my son.

I'm not here for anyone to take pity for me, I just want to let it all out for the very last time and also want to ask for anyone's opinions on this. I'm sure I am not the only one who's struggling like this. I just want to know if it is wrong of me to decide to not let my son be around his irresponsible bad influencer of a father. I may still have a lot of bitterness towards this man but I don't want to let my bitterness cloud my judgments.

As a child who was neglected by her father I know how it feels and do not wish for my son to struggle like I had. But after learning of how much of trouble my biological father have caused them while he was in their lives and not mines I no longer hold resentment towards my mother who was the one to walk out and not letting us (my younger sister and I) be near him. It did took me nearly 20 years to come to know this and that is why I don't want my son to blame me or even hate me once he's older but I just don't want my son getting hurt by his father both physically but more so emotionally. My son is also at the age when he's learning alot from the both of us. I wouldn't want my child to be influenced into gambling, drinking, hanging with the bad crowds!

I'm thankful to those who'll be replying to this and I am sorry for such a long post. And to those mothers out there who happened to come across this and are in the same situation may God be there to help you through this difficult time. God bless you. God bless us all~


View replies by

Nabi - posted on 01/12/2013




My son's father has been in trouble with the law before I met him and continues to have trouble with the law after we have my son. He was intro doing drugs before and had claimed to quit after we were together but I later found out it wasn't the truth. He use to have these so-called friends knocking on our backdoor who I later found out were drug dealers. When I had confronted him he blames it on not having enough money so I let it go but told him I don't want any drug dealers around and that I don't want him having anything to do with drugs if not for his sake at least for my son.

Besides this whole ordeal he hasn't been really a good father to my son. He use to get quite physical with my son years back until I threatened to leave with my son. He did laid his hands on me infront of my son before too. And now that he no longer abuse my son physically I feel that in some ways he still abuses my son emotionally. When things go well in his life he's the happy fun loving father but when he's unhappy then it's a whole different story. He calls my son stupid and other names before. I think it's nothing big now but in the long run it can really hurt my son.

I've tried to be civilized with this man and try to work things out between us for my son's sake but to no avail. We're not married so I'm already grateful of not having to go through the nightmare of a divorce. Right now I just want to get myself ready to move out with my son and sort things out later. I do have thoughts of just taking my son and leave and never come back but this man had threatened to track us down and all before out of a joke that I still worried that it might be true.

I'm residing in Texas, U.S. and I don't have any family or friends here. My family and hometown is more than 1,000 miles away. I've longed been dependent upon this man for so long and am now re-learning how to depend on myself.

Jodi - posted on 01/12/2013




So can you please clarify what it is your ex is doing with your son around that you believe is a bad influence on him?

In all honesty, you are going to have to have evidence of your son being harmed or neglected in order to deny visitation anyway, because otherwise your ex would be well within his rights to take you to court for visitation and would probably get it anyway. I am not sure where you live, but in most countries, this would be the case.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms