Lettes to a Dead Beat

Claudia - posted on 01/07/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




OK so let me try to take a long story and make it short without giving out way too much detail. So basically I got pregnant at 17 I was naive and stupid and barely graduated high school but hey I did. My sons biological father is worthless he has never attempted to contact my son or try to be with or there for him in any way. His excuse is he doesn't' have the money to pay for child support and that he is afraid of my mother.... really? When my son was 5 the biological father's mother came back around to give me back the journal I kept as a kid and just to say hi, well trying to be the better person I reached out. For about 6 months I went out of my way driving to there house, planning visits and more to make it to where they could see my son and it was mostly his mom seeing him and not him. He really just sat in his room and played video games and yes he lives with his mother. But I never wanted my son to look at me and say "why didn't you try". After getting tired of what I felt was being used I told them enough I won't help anymore I won't do the work I wrote a long letter just venting telling them how I can't see how the excuses could ever work and I wouldn't be blamed for there lack of give a darn! Since that time each year I write a letter plainly stating "I am making a effort but if you don't meet me half way you can NEVER blame me for not being able to see your son. I want to make sure he knows I tried". Here is my cell phone number, my email, my facebook and even my work email. I WILL NOT give them my new home address my home is a sanctuary for me NO one comes to my home unless I welcome them!
Now though I am being told I could get in trouble from this.... Really? I am just wondering if ANYONE thinks or believes that is possible? I am a good mom, my letters are NEVER threatening but center around how my son has grown and is developing the triumphs and even failures he has had, the rough spots and just amazing things I have learned from this wonderful little boy. I keep copies of these letters and starting this year going to have them have to sign for them so they can never claim that "we didn't get them". I guess in a way I am covering my rear so that my son knows that I tried I don't want him to think I drove his father away or anything of that nature. But at the same time NOT bad talk his biological father and to me this was a decent answer or the best one I could come up with.


Ev - posted on 01/07/2014




I have to commend your efforts to get his father to come see him; but that is the thing. HE has to make the effort. If he really wanted to see his son he would find a way. And if he really wanted to support his son; he would have. You should have established custody, child support and visitation orders via the courts. This would have saved you time, effort and stress. It would have also made it clear what your role in this was and his father's role. It would have put his dad on child support and visitation. Its not a guarentee but if his dad did not follow through it would be on his dad's head for his own part in having a child. Now, that said, if you do not have a custody order, visitation, or child support set up, he can come and take you to court and get his rights taken care of be it part of the custody or just visitation. Also note that your letter copies could come in handy in proving your attempts to contact him. But I am not all sure on that. A lawyer can tell you this. In this way, having those court orders protect the child. Now if his dad decides not to use his visitation, its his loss.

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