letting go for a year to build a better life

Jane - posted on 12/11/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




okay i need some help advice here me and my SO are madly in love, i have 2 kids he has 1. Ihave been with SO for 9ish months we werent "offical" til sept. so he was seeing other people. some how i contracted an std. i told my SO about it he comforted me said everything will be fine and he still loved and was in love with me.. since then i feel like he doesnt want to touch me/ or love on me.
we are both sex addicts so this killed my mood, im afraid he will cheat or have sex with someone else he claims its an "itch" but im the one he love and comes home to every night my kids are statring to call him dad.. idkk what to do
he suggested we should move to cali get our feet on the ground for about a year. and then fly the kids out to us...

has anyone been in these sistuations??!! what should i think or feel... i honestly kinda wanna go to cali to plant my feet/ but then i would feel like a horrible mom!!


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Michelle - posted on 12/11/2013




Shawnn has said it all.

There is NO WAY that I would move states and "send" for them later. Do you really think that whoever is going to look after them when you leave will just give them back?
Now I'm sure you know how you contracted the STD, it's from him not "somehow". Use condoms and get away from him.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/11/2013




Whoa...Back the cart up.

You weren't in a committed relationship with him, so he slept around and subsequently infected you with a disease?

He tells you he loves you but that he's got an "itch"...?

He wants you to abandon your children, move to California and "fly the kids out later"?

Big Red Flags should be flying over your head about now.

1) Even if you weren't in a "committed" relationship, he should have enough respect for himself at least to use protection whilst having intercourse.

2) You should always insist on a condom. Your health is important, even if he doesn't think his is.

3) Addiction to sex is an addiction, just like any other, that requires extreme self control, counseling and treatment. If he (or you, for that matter) is not taking those steps, he's going to continue to have indiscriminate sex with whomever will allow him to do so. Do you REALLY want to deal with that?

4) What kind of parent proposes jetting off to an entirely different state, abandoning his kids and "sending" for them later? Is that really the kind of person you want to be involved with? Are you willing to abandon your own kids for this jackass?

5) Are you really in love with him, or is it just the sex?

You need to step back and really think this thru. If he wants to be in a committed relationship, he needs to buckle down, get into counseling, get into treatment for his addictions, take a couple of parenting classes and step up into being an adult.

There is absolutely no need to relocate, unless there's a firm job offer that's better than what you've got now. Why would you want to uproot yourself and your child for a bit of whimsy that will most likely disappear within the first few weeks because of that "itch"?

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