Life revolves around my stepson

Clairese - posted on 02/14/2018 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Does anyone else feel like their life revolves around their stepkid? I feel like I have no time to myself and any alone time with my husband. My husband works a ton so I'm usually the one taking care of my stepson. He's 12 years old almost but he has a lot of problems. He doesn't have any friends, so sleepovers are out of the question. He was assigned a sixth grade science project and was put in a group, he came home and told me he wanted all the credit for the project and all the other kids ideas weren't good enough. I told him that he needs to work together and share ideas, that it's not all about him. He came home the next day and told me they kicked him out of the group. He told me he's the only one in his class that is doing a project alone and he was happy about it. He has a bad behavior sometimes towards me and his dad and he's also clingy. He recently just got suspended off of his bus for 2 days for bullying some other kid. The list goes on and on. I'm just trying to figure out how I can focus on myself and be calm about everything. Ive had so many breakdowns and blow outs with my husband. I really need more time alone with my husband without all that. We lose connection because of all the stresses his son puts on us. I know he's just a kid and we love him dearly, but he's a tough one. We do things as a family and he spends time with his dad on his days off, but then there's my husband and i...the only alone time we get is when the kid goes to bed but by that time my husband is so tired he's just falling asleep and I'm tired too. The bio mom only takes ss during the summer. Other than that his grandparents take him sometimes but half the time we have to ask...i just feel like I need more in my life with my husband. Any ideas on how I could fix this?

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Michelle - posted on 02/19/2018

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You just have to be consistent and remind him of the rules in your house.
I did shared care with my ex and the boys would be terrible for a couple of days when they got back to me. I just kept reminding them of my rules and they eventually got used to it.
I knew I couldn't make my ex have rules and it was very frustrating but I now have 2 very respectful and well mannered teens.

Angela - posted on 02/15/2018

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Blended families are very challenging and I commend you for continuing to reach out to help him and your family. Sounds like he's really having a hard time fitting in and getting along. Have you and your husband considered counseling and maybe some different types of testing to rule out any medical issues driving this behavior? The counselor at school might be a good place to start. I pray ya'll will be able to work this out and get him the help he needs so he can really thrive with his peers and at home and the family bonds be strengthened.

Michelle - posted on 02/14/2018

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You married a man with a child, you have to accept that you won't get a lot of alone time.
It's the same as couples that have children together. It's a part of life when you have children.

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Clairese - posted on 02/19/2018

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Thank you for all the replies. I realized I may have made myself sound selfish in this post but that wasn't my intention. I love my step son very much and know that his needs come before mine. The school counselor has been involved since 4th grade and he is now in an emotional/behavioral class. He has grown up and changed a lot but he still has his moments of frustrations and anger. I'm not quite sure what I can do. Him and I have a close relationship and he tells me everything and I've tried talking to him one on one about things that bother him and his dad talks to him as well along with his counselor and it has helped some but he still acts disrespectful and can't make any friends and i don't think it's because he is having a hard time adjusting to me. I thought that at first but as I watch him play with kids he likes to be the boss, he likes to call the shots and if they want to do something else he says no and if they don't listen he gets angry. He is an only child who did not have any rules or responsibilities. Very spoiled kid. I guess he may be having a hard time adjusting to the fact that he has chores now and has to learn to be more respectful and that not everything is about him. Does anyone have an idea of how I and his father can make him more of a respectful young man? Every time he goes to visit his mom he is even worse when he gets back. It's a never ending thing I guess.

Michelle - posted on 02/18/2018

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Ev, I would worry about replying or correcting Andrew too much. He seems to be a bit of a stalker here. He has sent me 2 PM's wanting to be friends. That's why I posted the thread to the new male members. Hopefully if we ignore him he will go away.

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