Looking for benefits of all boy families..

Danielle - posted on 06/03/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )




I am looking for benefits of all boy families.
I have a 4 year old boy, and am expecting another in September. We are only interested, and can afford two children. I was secretly hoping for a little girl, but after three years of infertility, and finally conceiving with treatments I am thankful to be pregnant at all.

I feel slightly stressed because I have two friends who are also expecting, and one has found out ( and is refusing to tell anyone), and the other doesn't know the sex.
I have a feeling that they will both get their desired gender (girls), and I am unsure how I will cope being the only one with another boy,

It is hard to be excited about this pregnancy. Since we've found out the sex, everyone seems to have lost their excitement for this baby's arrival. Everyone in our families were hoping for a girl.

I went to one of my friends baby showers today, and everyone was going on that my friend was destined to have a girl, and to "think pink", basically implying that a boy is undesired.. All the while I am sitting with my little boy in my belly. It made me feel angry, and upset. My friend doesn't even know the gender of the baby, and won't till it's born. What is so wrong with having another boy?!

I am trying my best to get excited for another boy, but I feel defeated at every turn. To make matters worse, it feels that I am in some sort of limbo waiting to find out the genders of my friends babies. I feel like if I could just know, then I could process it, and move on. I don't want to be blindsighted, and have it affect my bonding with my baby.

I am looking for benefits of having two boys! Did you ever have trouble dealing with people, and dissapointment in the gender? Do you think that it affected your bonding with your child?

Please be kind. I love my baby, and I am very thankful and excited to be able to be pregnant again. I just need some benefits to help put everything in perspective, so I can start preparing and get excited for my little boys arrival.


Rebecca - posted on 06/05/2012




Hi Danielle,

I really can empathise with your position because it was also my position last year. I have always wanted to have a girl baby. I even had a name picked out since I was about 15. I have never had a name for a boy in mind at all. I wanted to have a girl for many reasons but the main one was to pass on all the wonderful things I have enjoyed about being a woman..having girl friends with whom you share everything, being able to multitask, being able to create and nurture life in your own body etc. Secondary to this was the fact that I come from a family full of boys (6 boys 2 girls) and so does my husband (2 boys). Never in my life did I once think about having a boy. Then I got pregnant in 2008 and I knew it was a boy immediately. It was hard to be excited but my husband and his family were over the moon when we had the scan that confirmed it was a boy so for me that was enough and I was excited too...I can always have a girl next time I thought. My first boy is wonderful but I still wanted a girl. Then I got pregnant again in 2011 and suffered from morning sickness so badly that I was convinced it was a girl this time. We even told our son he was getting a little sister. Then we had some complications and had to have a scan at 18 weeks during which my husband spotted the male genitalia. (Funnily enough, he was the one to spot it the first time too!) Anyway, I was soooo disappointed I refused to believe him until the doctor doing the ultrasound said...we can't be 100% sure at this stage but I also think it is a boy. The next scan confirmed it. Like you, I too only wanted 2 children and both my pregnancies have been complicated and I am nearly 40 so I really do not want to go through another pregnancy for those reasons. So I was really disappointed as I said and so were my husband's family because they too wanted a girl. However, as the pregnancy progressed I came to terms with it and, honestly, once this boy was born I was totally in love with him (more so than with my first I would say..if that is possible). He is gorgeous. He laughs ALL the time and I have never had any problems with his feeding or sleeping. He is the joy in my life and I cannot imagine life without him. After he was born people asked me if I was going to try again for the girl and my answer is NO! Having 2 boys is fab for the following reasons in no particular order:

1. You don't have to buy any new clothes or toys.
2. Your boys will be great friends and can do all the boy things together once they are old enough. (From my experience of my friends girls.....boys and girls just really have totally different ways of dealing with the world and totally different interests in most cases.)
3. You do not have to have everything PINK in your house. (even my friends who are not girly girls themselves have been forced to buy pink things by their daughters!)
4. You do not have to do the talk about periods when the time comes!!!!!!! (You can leave the boy sex talk thing to the father!!!)
5.Boys are less argumentative as teenagers than girls (so I hear from my friends) and puberty lasts for less time in boys.There are fewer door slams and more silences from my own experience with my family.
6. Fathers are usually far more protective of their girls than they are of boys so you will not have the issue of...why is he allowed to do ........ but I am not......? (a question I asked a lot as a teenager!), when they are older and your husband refuses to let your daughter go out on the town with her friends when she is 16 but encourages your son to do it when he is 14!
7. Boys are sooooooo much fun and are full of energy (not that girls are not) but they are really into rough and tumble which is so much fun for everyone.
8. Boy toys are generally cooler and much more fun even for grown women than girl toys!

Obviously you may see some of these points differently than I do but I hope I have given you some encouragement. You will love your second boy as much as the first and he will bring you such joy as all children do. You should not worry about what gender the babies of your friends are. If they are girls then your boy will just have more girlfriends and he may understand women better when he is older...who knows!

Good luck

Lisa - posted on 06/10/2012




I don't have all boys, but I understand how you are feeling. I wanted a girl more than anything with my first. I cried when I found out it was a boy. (I had never taken care of a boy baby in all of my babysitting somehow and "didn't know how to do it".) With my second, I wanted another boy because my first was so much fun. Again I cried when I found out. Now I get way too many comments about how I have the "perfect" family and am questioned when I say I want a third.

It might not seem right now, but it will be "perfect" for you one day.

About the complications, it can be frustrating. I could not breastfeed and I had postpartum depression. At first I was worried about it happening again (both did) but when I allowed myself to just "expect" it, I felt a great relief. And try not to compare your family to your friend's--no matter how ideal, you will always find something wrong! Best of luck and enjoy your boys!

Linda - posted on 06/05/2012




We have four boys, and I am very happy about it! When I was first pregnant, I wanted a girl...mainly because I grew up in a family of all girls and didn't know anything about boys! However, I loved my first son and was thrilled to find out we were having another. By my third and fourth pregancies, I got a lot of "I bet you are wishing for a girl" comments....but honestly, I never did wish for a girl after my first. I was just happy to have another baby. I never did miss my girl. I do hear that boys are must easier to raise. Girls get moody and brood for days. Boys react quickly...and then are over their anger in seconds...and move on. However, they are VERY active when they are young...but that just makes for more fun (and exercise for you)!

Elfrieda - posted on 06/04/2012




One benefit is that your sons will each have a brother. Personally I think the whole "one of each" thing is over-rated. In my personal experience, people who have only one, opposite-sex sibling aren't as close to each other as people who are one of a pair. Wow, that was kind of unclear! I mean that if it's a brother and sister, they tend to grow up as two only children, whereas two boys or two girls are constantly pushed together, they do the same activities and play together more. I don't think it's ALWAYS that way, but from what I've seen it's the usual way.

I understand wanting a girl, though. That's only natural, and I think you were smart to find out the sex ahead of time so that you can get the disappointment out of the way and learn to be happy with what you're getting. Since it matters to you so much what your friends are having, maybe you should just pretend that you already know that they're having girls. That way it won't be a shock if they do, and it will be a nice surprise (yay, friend for your son!) if they have boys.

And boys are such sweethearts. Looking long-term, you have a chance to raise two amazing men who respect women and are very good "catches", which will mean you'll get some pretty great daughters-in-law in the future! :) My Oma had 6 boys, and she was so pleased to have daughters when they got married. It made for a very pleasant extended family. (and she got almost all granddaughters, all of whom adore her... I have only 3 male cousins on that side vs. 9 female, plus me and my sister)

Kendal - posted on 06/05/2012




I have two boys.With my first baby I really wanted a Boy and that's what I got.With my second I wanted a girl cause I don't want more kids but I got a son.I was little sad the day I found out but I really love been the queen of the house and won't trade my boys for the world.They have a great bond and They both have very different personalities.You must Love your Boys and shouldn't even worry what others/friends say.


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Meena - posted on 06/05/2012




You've received some great replies. I am glad that people are not bashing you for posting a perfectly normal question. It happens to a lot of women when we do not get our desired genders. It is natural to want an "ideal " family of at least 1 gender each. If you do feel depressed still, and want to talk to more women who are in the same boat, go to this forum -
You will find a lot of similar women who have gotten over it or trying to .

Danielle - posted on 06/05/2012




Thanks Ladies,

I am trying to amp myself up for everything.

With this baby being another boy makes the shopping thing a little double sided. One one side, we are going to save a crap-load of money because our second boy is due the same month as our first (almost down to the day!). The downside is that we have everything we will need, so it sucks any preparation out of the baby's arrival.

I think a lot of my stress with my current pregnancy is because of my experience with my first. I had an emergency c-section, and couldn't breastfeed when my incision got infected, and I ended up in the hospital for I.V treatments.

It severely affected my bonding process and for the first 6 months of my boys life I felt I had little emotional connection to him. I was very disappointed and felt robbed of all the experiences I was hoping for.

I guess I felt if I had a girl, and ended up in a similar situation, that at least something would be different this time around. I am just feeling stressed and overwhelmed with everything. All aspects of this pregnancy is getting meshed together, and it is amplifying my emotions.

I also think this is why my friends pregnancies are affecting me. Not so much about the gender specifically, but it seems like everything seems to work out for everyone else.. just not me, so much.

Both have been able to breastfeed, and had their "normal" deliveries, and will probably have similar experiences this time around on top of getting their desired genders. Both have been able to "accidentally" and "unexpectedly" fall pregnant as we struggled for years to conceive.

I think that is also why I am struggling with the possibility that they will once more get something I did not.

Now, I am worried to put all my hopes into a natural birth and into breastfeeding because of how it affected me when it didn't work out the first time.

I know that this baby and experience will be different, but for some reason whenever I think of a boy.. I can only refer to my son. Its like I have a bad memory relationship to birthing a boy, and I am destined to go down the same path.(Silly, I know). I think I convinced myself that if the baby was a girl that the stars will align and everything will go as planned.

I guess it also doesn't help that my first born has recently been diagnosed as Autistic, and the rate of Autism skyrockets in male siblings.. so it feels like another let down..

I love my little boy!! Dealing with his Autism has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster, so it was another reason to why we were leaning towards a girl. On the plus side, if our baby boy is Autistic we will be better prepared for his needs, and will love him all the same!

Sorry for the emotional rant. My husband doesn't quite understand...He does to a certain extent, but he has the mentality where we have already had a discussion about it, and now I should just get over it. Unfortunately, I don't think I can until I have my bub in my arms.

Groovy Girl - posted on 06/04/2012




Hi Danielle,
I have two beautiful boys that I wouldn't trade for a girl ever. I never did experience the let down feeling that I didn't have a girl, but I do know many who had felt what you r experiencing when they had two or three of the same sex(boy or girl). I think you have done the right thing finder out the gender ahead of time, so that you can mentally prepare yourself. Be prepared for many people asking"when are you going to try again for a girl." People will do this no matter what sex it is that you don't have.
There are so many positives about having boys. They generally are a bit more rough and tumble, but I do believe there is a very strong bond between mothers and sons. Besides having everything for a boy already it is really nice for your first boy to have a brother. Sure, they will fight but boy they do look out for each other.
Try not to compare with your friends,you will never be happy. That goesvfor all aspects of child rearing. Been there, done that,lost a few friends along the way.
You will bond with your new little boy. Take a deep breath and just enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Contests on your second little boy! Welcome to the club. It's a good one!

Krista - posted on 06/04/2012




Boys are awesome. I know so many guys who had brothers growing up, and it's just great how they get along. It's a very different relationship than you'd have with brothers and sisters. I mean, how freaking cute will it be for your baby boy to be looking up to his big brother? And how cute will it be for your preschooler to show the new baby all the wonders and secrets of boyhood?

Besides, as we mothers of boys know, little boys LOVE their mommies. :)

Louise - posted on 06/04/2012




I understand completely how you feel I had two boys and it was at a time when they did not scan for the sex of the baby. I was convinced my second was a girl and I talked to my bump as a girl. I went into shock when he was born and even asked the midwife to take him away straight after birth. I then had post natal depression for 6 weeks and spent so much time in tears and unable to cope. Although I loved my son I felt cheated. Especially when within a couple of months my sister in law had a baby girl. I have to say I then went the other way and was over protective of my youngest son and mothered him.

Having two boys growing up is easy. They like the same toys, play the same games, play rough and tumble with each other and have the same problems going through school and with girls! My sons are now 21 and 18 and have very different lives but they are very close. Having said all that the feeling for wanting another baby never went away and I decided to have one last try for a baby girl 15 years later. After 3 years of heart ache and misscarriages I had that long awaited little girl. If she was a boy I would of loved him the same but I would of been disappointed. It just seems right that she is the only child in the family now. She has three father figures in her life really. Two older brothers to look over her.

You are not alone in how you feel, really you are not. That little boy and you will bond lovely. Really two boys is a blessing, an easy life of content happy children. They will always be mates and both will be mummys boys and love you always!

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