looking for help from woman who have dealt with a cheating husband

Claire - posted on 07/24/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




I need help from other woman who have dealt with there husbands who have cheated on them and they have worked through it.

We have been married for 13 years, high school sweet hearts, both never been with another person until i was pregnant with our second child my husband had a one night stand and a child came from this. For four years now he has not had a relationship with this child because there was no dna test done i forgave him and we moved on thinking it was all going to work out the mother of the child was married at the time the child had a father... now we have learned that she is divorced and her ex-husband can not be apart of the child's life because he got in trouble with a miner (real winner) anyway my husband wants to do the right thing and had a dna test done and it is his child... i have come to terms with this and i agree with his decision to be a father to this child i believe it is the right thing to do.
ok now comes the problems
my husband wants to meet the child before he has to go to court to determine what kind of support and time frame he will have, witch is in a month he doesnt think meeting her for the first time in a court room will be good for the child and i agree. but he wants to meet her without me ( hes looking out for me and the child) how do i deal with that... just knowing that he will be in a room with this child and her mother well its not really the child its the mother its hard for me to deal with i know she is the mother of this child and is looking to do the right thing and have her father be a part of her life but i need to make her realize that this childs farther is MY husband ok it sounds like im jealous when i read that back but i think i have every right to be at this point
ok now comes my children they are 8 and 4 when do we tell them that they have a half sister i think it is right that they know

I believe everything will work out I would just like to know how or if anyone else has went through this and what they did and maybe give me some ideas on what they think we should do or what they might of done different or what else we should be worried about happening

i know we will need counseling too but we can not get in to see anybody or we have not found anyone at this time that is kinda why im doing this until we find someone

please only reply with positive comments that you think will help get me though this please and thank you


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Yelena - posted on 07/24/2012




my brother got baby on the side. my sister in law still didnt tell their 2 kids that they have half sister. They still live together but my stupid brother didnt even bother to do DNA test. So now he is idiotically paying child support for the kid that might not be even his. On one hand its better for kids to get to know each other. on another u have to protect them. What if ur kids will decide that they hate father for what he;s done to the family? at young age it settles down easier then the case of my sister in law (kids are 14 yp and 2.5) I think counselor is the better person to talk about it. He/She will help u decide whats the best thing to do. Every situation is different. U might feel one thing my sister in law might feel different. I know u feel hurt for sure. I think therapy is the best way to go for u. This way u can understand how to go about it. Not sure if my message helps u but thats what I would do.

Kelina - posted on 07/24/2012




if your hubby is going to be a part of this childs life(which he should) your children are going to have to be told. what exactly is it you're worried about? where are they meeting? If they haven't decided that yet, maybe suggest the park. I think it's very normal to be jealous and unsure and reasonable to set certain limits, but if he wants to go alone to a park or something I don't think that's unreasonable and such a public place would probably make you feel better about it. I'd also think that it would be a good idea for everyone else to meet her before the court date as well. That way when she starts coming for visits she doesn't feel too blindsided. this is a big adjustment for everyone involved. don't expect everything to go perfectly.

Xiloa - posted on 07/24/2012




Unfortunately once's a cheater always a cheater and i think that there is more to this going on that you might think. How did your husband get to this point did he still keep in contact with that other women? And when it comes to you and your husband you have as much rights as he does in the decision making as to you being present in the court room concerning his other child if he does not want you there is because he has something to hide. You are his wife and you have to learn what this all means and the intentions behind it all. I know that an affair without a child is bad enough but with one is a lot worst. Don't let your husband and his daughters mother play games with you. Unfortunately we stay in hard places out of confusion and weakness and don't realize of our mistakes until later on. Betrayal is betrayal and there's no sugar coating it up. You are much stronger with this in your life and you have to be stronger for your own children and educate your self and get reality on your side my prayers are for you and the Innocent children involved and no matter what keep your sanity and write it down so that you can remember it later you will need it.

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