Losing marriage over autistic son

Shari Anne - posted on 09/05/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




We have finally come to the acknowledge that our almost 3 year old son is autistic. The fact that my son can't socialize the way I wish he could, doesn't hurt as much as the fact that my husband wants little to do with him. It's marriage ending. I love my husband and I always wanted to be in a long lasting marriage, I'm from a nuclear family, I wanted our son to have this one solid piece of foundation. The struggle today is my husbands remark that when our son, Marek, said goodnight repeatedly, my husband didn't respond. I forced him to tell Marek goodnight.

I said "our son is autistic"
he said "I know"
I replied "you make it sound like a hindrance"
he stated "it is...I want a life too".

And I get it... But I really don't.


View replies by

Jessica - posted on 09/05/2016




Oof, this is so hard. I worked as a one-to-one aid in public schools with individuals who are on the spectrum and I saw a variety of responses from parents from complete denial to high involvement, even within a single couple.

What I'm curious about is... is the way your husband responds to your son turning you off to him as a person/parent, as in it makes you no longer respect/feel attracted to him? And/or are you feeling bad for your son that his father doesn't embrace him more fully and wanting to step in and fix that for your son?

Someone told me very early on that my son's father would have to find his own way in relationship to our son, that they will have to work out their own stuff with each other as father and son. This was pretty profound to me and the realization I had was that I could actually only be my son's mom. I couldn't also be his dad and grandma and his friends, etc, but I could be the best mom I'm capable of being. Does that have any resonance to you?

Also, is your husband/are you open to going to counseling? From what you said, it might be helpful to get extra support as your family navigates this new situation, especially from a counselor who has experience with autism spectrum disorders.

Sending love! ♥

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