Love my Daughter concerned about our relationship

Kathy - posted on 09/26/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




Way too many moms are having strained relationships with their adult daughters and not able to see grandchildren. We are accused of all that is wrong in their lives we seem to be the ones they choice to blame for all their stresses. Well guess what moms I believe we are not responsible, quit blaming yourselves I know it hurts but you have a right to live, a right to enjoy yourself and so do I and I am tired of being blamed for other people problems This isn't what we expected but would you allow anyone beside your daughter to disrespect or hurt you so lets stop for a moment take a deep breath and just keep moving forward. DO YOU REALLY BELIEF THAT THEY WANT TO LOSE THIER MOMS I DON"T!!!! LIFE IS A GAME LEARN TO PLAY IT TO YOUR BENEFIT


Rachel - posted on 09/26/2013




My mother and sister have a strained relationship. My father was an abusive alcoholic so my mother spent much of her time catering to him (to keep him happy and not set him off) she did that for us. I realize this but my sister, not so much. She never calls my mother, never comes by. My mother isn't healthy and she blames herself for how my sister is.
I tell my mother that she's an amazing and strong woman and if my sister can't see that, oh well. That's on my sister, not my mother. No matter what I say to her though, that mom guilt creeps back in.
Unless your mother was physically abusive or was just truly a terrible mother, they deserve respect.


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/02/2014




Unfortunately, that attitude of "don't blame yourself" could be part of the problem.

My mother is an OCD mess. Her idea of parenting was to beat us regularly for the stupidest small things, such as not perfectly sweeping up the last of the dust off the floor.

We were belittled, we were told we would never be able to succeed, I was told that because I am FEMALE, I wasn't as important in the family ranks as my younger brothers.

We did receive love, but it seemed that the quality was contingent upon how well behaved we were, or how well we showcased her parenting. Many, many times my father would step in before it got out of hand, but once they divorced, it was worse.

Now, I have to say that, as I got older, my mother seemed to mellow some, and as always, I do love her, but after I got pregnant with my eldest (after being married for 4 years before conceiving), the nitpicking started again. She was not happy, she was critical. When I had my second son, she was more critical. Mind you, WE DID NOT EXPECT HER TO CONTRIBUTE. We didn't have expectations of being financially supported, nor did we ask her to, but she assumed it was her responsibility to criticize our parenting, and eventually criticize our kids, much the same as she had when I was growing up. THAT, I DON'T STAND FOR.

Therefore, contact was restricted for quite awhile, until my mother could understand what her actions caused.

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