Maybe I'm not cut out to be a second wife and a step mom. HELP

HTJ - posted on 12/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




Okay, this is a long complicated situation but please give any advice you can. I met my boyfriend while he was in the process of divorce. I didn't know him when he filed so please don't make me out as a homewrecker. I've always wanted my first marriage to be my last but I was accepting that it couldn't be the other way around. He has a daughter, but I didn't care. I love children. I was fine with everything from his past. We dated a while and everything was perfect until one day seriously out of the blue, he decided he needed to try to make things work with his soon to be ex wife for his 2 year old daughter because he missed the little girl. I was very upset but what could I do? The next day he was texting me and calling me saying it was his worst mistake, but now I can't get over the fact that he left me for his daughter and his previous marriage. I've kept it in pretty well but I have talked to him a little about it and he just says "nothing like that will ever happen again". He wants to marry me and have more children but I have a hard time accepting everything. I'm 19 and I have never been married and I don't have any children. All my acceptance of everything was pretty much gone when he left me. So I'm becoming resentful at the fact that I can't be his first wife or have his first baby. I have a lot of feelings that my first pregnancy will never be as special as it should be because he has already went through it. Now all I can think about is how perfect our relationship would be if he never would have had a baby with his ex or if he never would have gotten married in the first place. I love him but I'm starting to think maybe the stepmom/ second wife thing isn't for me. And on top of all that, his dad and stepmom are still close with his ex wife, but pretty much shun me and him because his dad thinks he made the wrong decision in getting a divorce. I haven't even met them because they already don't approve of me. Remind you, his dad has been married 3 times. So there's another thing that's runied for me because of his previous marriage, a relationship with my inlaws. I need some advice. I grew up in a very christian home and I was always taught that the bible says, your spouse comes first, then your children together. But that's a little out of whack now. I don't know if I'm being ridiculous by expecting to be his first priority or what. I'm in a mess. I know all this leads to saying I should leave but we really do love eachother and I'm miserable without him. please help!


Michelle - posted on 12/21/2012




For starters you need to stop looking at how things are "ruined for you" because of someone else's past. In life we all make choices that aren't the best and we have to make the most of it. If my husband had not wanted to be with me because I had been married and had 2 children then my boys wouldn't have the most wonderful role model and I wouldn't have had my our daughter. He also loves my boys like his own and they have so much love for him as well.

If you really have to have the perfect life with all the firsts then you have to find someone without much of a past. You have to decide how you feel for him and if that's enough to get over your disappointment of not being his first.

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