Amanda - posted on 02/07/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )




For all of your Mothers-in-law out there, this is not meant to be an attack on you! I could really use some support/advice.

My husband and I have been together for a month shy of 7 years. He moved out of his parents' house while we were dating. During that time, I had to FORCE him to do things with his family! Whenever they would have get-togethers he never wanted to go, but I convinced him we should go-that kind of stuff. Fast forward to two years ago; we moved in with his parents. We were only supposed to stay 6 months. Two years later, we finally moved out! His parents were great in so many ways, and they never really complained about us being there. Anyway, my problem isn't all of the awesome stuff his parents have done for us. My problem is for the past seven years I am always getting "blamed" for everything by his mom! Everytime my husband doesn't want to do things with his family it is somehow my fault, yet for the past seven years, I have been the one telling him we needed to do stuff with them! Does anyone else have this problem? I try to just let it go, but I'm so tired of having to be "the better person" and all of that nonsense! Additionally, it doesn't matter what my husband or I say, she STILL blames me!
Thanks for reading, Ladies!


Jodi - posted on 02/08/2011




Sounds like my dad's mother. My mum and my uncle's wife had a big blow up with her one day years ago and my aunt asked her up front "It wouldn't matter what it was, would it, it is ALWAYS going to be our fault because your sons are perfect?" and my grandmother answered "yes". So there you go. My mum just lives with it. She vents about it (which is fine), but she just accepts now that this is the way it is and always will be (although for her, the always will be is possibly short term because my Grandmother is now in her 90s).

So hey, vent away. It's wrong, and it shouldn't be that way, but some people just can't see any fault in their own children, because I think they see those faults as a reflection on themselves.

I feel sorry for her that she can't embrace you rather than always finding fault.


View replies by

Amanda - posted on 02/08/2011




My husband does make the decisions with his mom, but I know she still thinks it is my fault! I have decided, like many of you awesome helpful moms have already said, that she just doesn't want to believe it's him, so it's easier to blame me. It is just starting to wear me down! Thanks for all of the help and encouragement.

April - posted on 02/08/2011




The opposite for me, when my husband and i were newlyweds my parents felt as if i wasn't as close to them anymore and they blamed my husband, even though i told them it wasn't his fault and that we were just married and i just wanted time for the both of us since we had a baby on the way at the time, they didn't seem to hear me.

The thing is parents don't want to believe that their own children wouldn't want to spend as much time with them so they blame the person closest to their child at that moment or so i believe.

My husband won them over by just showing them that he was interested in them and would talk to them and make plans with them, so fast forward two years later, they think he's a saint and i'm just hard headed LOL

Louise - posted on 02/08/2011




I had the same what I do when my mother in law invites us over I hand the phone to my husband to answer her so that she knows it is his decision and not mine. If he is out I tell her he will ring you back so there is no doubt it is him that decides. then she can not blame you for anything. This is the only way to get through to her that your husband is really not bothered. On the plus side it does mean that I do not have to make an effort and go to these family gatherings that bore me to tears.

Lissa - posted on 02/07/2011




I'm not a MIL but I'm guessing she want's to think it's your fault rather than believe her own son doesn't want to do all the family stuff. Why don't you stop trying to persuade your husband to go to the family stuff and you go without him, she can't say it's your fault if your there. Also I would sit her down and tell her you understand it upsets her that her son doesn't want to go but that isn't your fault and you wont tolerate being blamed for everything.

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