mother in law and my husband

Michell - posted on 03/09/2015 ( 20 moms have responded )




My mother in law has in her room a picture of my husband and his ex with their daughter on her wall. Ever since I came in to the picture and I saw it I mentioned it to my partner how awkward it was. He told me it was for their daughter. So then I became pregnant and now we have a 8 month old baby and now I'm depressed as ever because it really bothers me I told him that now we are a family and his mother shouldn't have it there. We are currently living in her house so from time to time I see it and it just makes me cry my husband does not support me in this matter and he gets mad when I bring it up to his attention I don't want my son to grow up seeing this picture I suggested to him to replace it with pictures of his children but all I get from him is no support and strong arguments What should I do? I am really family sensitive and I strongly believe that she shouldn't have it up on her wall an album is fine I know they have a daughter but now that I am here and also my son they shouldn't have it there I feel disrespected specially from my husband I am very saddened that he has not supported me on this subject matter.


Raye - posted on 03/09/2015




My MIL has pictures of my husband, his ex, and their children on the wall in her house. There are a couple of them in the rotation (she changes them around every once in a while). Some are just them, and some have more family in them. It has never really bothered me too much. Both his kids live with us, and what does bother me is that my SD has a framed wedding invitation from her mother and my husband's wedding hanging on her bedroom wall. I don't say anything because I know she asked for it, but it does bother me. I left out one of our wedding announcements to see if she would take it, and (if she noticed it) she didn't. :( Oh well.

You have a right to your feelings, and I won't say that you're wrong. But, personally I don't know why you're getting so bent out of shape about it. Your husband has a past and a daughter, and you married him so you should accept it. Why don't you want your son to see it? He will know that his sister has another mommy, so what harm to say that the picture was from a long time ago and that his father is now with you. Keep it simple. If you don't make a big deal of it, your son won't either. Also, it's her house. So if you don't like seeing it, you should move. If you're going to accept the hospitality of living in your MIL's home, then you should not dictate to her how to decorate it.

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2015




Ok, personally, I think you are overreacting. Go and have a portrait done of your family and give that to her so she can have both.

I am just going to share that my mother-in-law has photographs everywhere of my husband's two exes and their kids (some of those photos include my husband). To her, they are ALL family. I have chosen not to take offence, because she has the right to love all of these people equally. She has a big heart.

I am just going to say that recently my father-in-law passed away. Both exes attended the funeral, as did their new families. ALL of the children were acknowledged as grandchildren (both biological and the ones born SINCE my husband broke up with them and they formed new families). As my husband said to me, he doesn't get the connection they formed with his exes, but he will never interfere with that because if their hearts are large enough to love and care for that many people, then what a wonderful thing. I don't feel displaced as my husband's wife because of that. I also don't feel my biological children have been displaced - in fact one of my children is not my husband's child and he has also been accepted equally as a grandchild. Family is what you make it, not necessarily one of biology.

Just remember, that this is your husband's daughter. She is a grandchild. You can't walk into a relationship with someone who has a child already and expect that the birth of your child is going to replace that. It simply doesn't. Why can't she just have both pictures? Why does it have to be one or the other?


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Dove - posted on 03/09/2015




It's her house... and it's a picture of her son and grandchild... and the mother of her grandchild. If you couldn't handle it you probably shouldn't have married a man w/ a past marriage and child....

Your son will grow up knowing that his sister has a different mother and that his father was married to her mother. That's just a fact of your lives.... You REALLY need to get over yourself here.

Michelle - posted on 03/09/2015




The other ladies have said everything. When we meet someone with a past we can either accept that past or choose to dwell on it. If we dwell on it then we can end up very bitter and angry.
It's your choice how you deal with it. My Grandmother always had wedding photo's of her children hanging in the house. The photo of my Mum was her first wedding (she's now on to #3) and none of the other husbands complained. It was her house and she could have whatever photo's she wanted up.
You said you are living in her house, I would be very grateful for her opening up her home to you and drop it. Your husband is with you now but you can't erase the past and his family shouldn't have to hide the evidence because you want them to.

Ev - posted on 03/09/2015




I am in agreement with these ladies. Not that you are not entitled to feel awkward at seeing pictures of his past life hanging on walls or in albums. But you have to remember that this was part of the photos that this MIL you have received over the years. She may treasure it. Also, you live in her home and as has been said you can not dictate things to the owner of the home. You might find yourself, husband and child without a place to live. If you can afford a home of your own be it rented or bought, then maybe you should talk to your husband about getting a place of your own if seeing images of his ex and child with him bother you so much. I also have a story to share:

My daughter graduated high school a few years back and went on to college. But before all this her father and I divorced and had an agreed custody and primary residence for the kids: his home. He married two more times after me. He is still with the current wife (#3). Back at the time of senior year for my daughter this woman had conniption fits over a few things:

A) That when the senior fold out from the local newspaper came out in the weeks just before graduation that my daughter had forgot to had her name to the parents names under the graduating senior's photo. She was so put out and said my daughter had decided to do this on purpose. She had not done it on purpose. Seniors now a days have so much they got to fill out for graduation and so on that she got so caught up in all she had that she did not put her step mom's name down.

B) When Senior Sunday at church was announced, both my church and ex's church held it the same Sunday. My daughter was beside herself because she did not know which church to go to. I told her she could go where she wanted. In the end she chose my church because she had gone there since she was two years old, grew up there, and knew the people more so than the ones at her dad's church because she had only been there a couple of years. Her step mom decided not to attend Senior Sunday activities because of that. Not my daughter's fault she made her choice to come to my church. In fact, her step mom kept nagging about it up to the point she deciced on it.

C) Also for Senior Sunday, at her dad's church they had a dinner after services planned with a slide show of the seniors. They asked the kids to find their favorite pictures from home. My daughter chose a few she loved because she thought them cute. One of her favorites was when she was a year old or so and her father and I were in the shot. It was of my sister's wedding day. Her step mom had an fit about that. She did not want that in the slide show.

D) When my daughter married she did not know how her step mom complained about seating, why two of her boys did not get to be in the wedding, and a few other odds and ends. It was not her wedding, the seating was done by the pastor and on the wedding day the groom's family took up the seating she was supposed to have and that pushed her another row back, her two other boys were either too old or too young to do anything in the wedding party as there was not a spot for them to participate. Her brother played usher and her baby half sisters were flower girls while her youngest step brother got to be the ring bearer because her soon to be nephew could not come to the wedding.

My point is this woman let everything that included me bother her. And it should not be that way.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/09/2015




You married a man with a past. He has divorced the woman, but she's still part of his family, whether you like it or not, because she's the mother of his daughter.

His mother, your MIL, has every right to display the pictures that SHE chooses in HER home, especially in her bedroom.

Why don't you want your son to see the picture? because you don't want to explain divorce, separate families, and relationships to him? The child in the photo is his half sister. As much family as your son is.

YOu cannot, nor should you attempt to dictate to others the relationships that they should or should not be in, or that you feel are or are not appropriate.

Mommabird - posted on 03/09/2015




. We all put up photos and occasionally switch them out with new ones...but some photos tend to stay up longer iftere isnt a newer one to replace it. Like Jodi mentioned.give her a family photo with you so she can put that one up. Im sure she's proud of All her photos and will display yours as well.
I still have photos of my past..hubby does too. Our parents have them..grandparents too. I may not have them out on display but theyre a special part of peoples past. Doesn't mean they arent happy with their future.

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2015




Raye has a good point about why you don't want your son to see it. I don't understand that. My daughter is 10 (she is the daughter of myself and my husband) and she totally understands that her older siblings all have different parents (my son has a different daddy, her sister and other brother have different mothers). She never even questions it - it just is. She sees the photos in the house when we visit and loves them.

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